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Original poster

Being bored?

46 replies

DonkeyHohtay · 30/05/2019 07:27

Spinning off from the eternal SAHM debate. Many people saying they have to work because they'd die of boredom at home.

Really? Is having time to yourself boring? Irrespective of whether you have 8 hours a day free or only a couple of hours on the weekend, surely there are hundreds of fun/interesting things you could get involved in? Do people really sit at home tiwddling their thumbs, struggling for inspiration of things to do?

So imagine you had two days, right now, free of responsibilities and essential stuff to do. Can't you think of a whole long list of things to do? Even if it's just having a bath and going for a walk?

OP posts:
PolarBearBubbles · 30/05/2019 07:31

Two days? Absolutely, I could fill them.

Five days a week with children at school and a husband at work? I'd be bored shitless and my brain would turn to mush.

I personally find it hard to understand people who don't have any career ambitions and choose to not work.

SachaStark · 30/05/2019 07:34

Irregardless of the whole SAHM/WOHM thing, as it’s really none of my business, I just don’t understand people who get bored AT ALL.

There are so many things to do! So many books to read, DIY projects to do, walks to go on, new hobbies to explore. I literally cannot imagine being bored in my own company.

However, I will admit to averaging a 60-80 hour work week at the moment. Maybe if I was home a lot, I really would run out of things to do...

Original poster
DonkeyHohtay · 30/05/2019 07:36

Come on Polar Bear Bubbles, you really can't think of something you'd like to do 30 hours a week if all other responsibilities were suddenly removed from you? Or even for 10 or 15 hours a week? You'd be sitting on the sofa watching the clock?

What are you going to do when you retire? Leaving aside all of the other stuff about being at home, I just don't get the "i'd be bored" argument when there are so many other things you could be doing if you just used your imagination.

OP posts:
SallyWD · 30/05/2019 07:50

I'm an introvert and I love time alone. I stated in that other post that I'd been bored after several years as a stay at home home. It's not that I lack the imagination to find things to do with my time - it's just that I couldn't justify having fun for 5 days a week while my husband was working hard. Yes it's true there's loads of things I could have been doing - visiting national trust properties, courses, nice lunches in the city, etc. etc. but it never felt right to me. My husband was working long hours in a stressful job to keep a roof over our heads. In my mind, if I wasn't going to work I should use my time for the good of the family. My husband didn't make me feel like that - it was my own view. I did tend to spend a lot of time cleaning, doing the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking nice meals for everyone. For me that became dull and lonely. I now have a part time job where I can still spend a lot of time with the kids, I can afford a cleaner and I can earn some money and meet new people.

SallyWD · 30/05/2019 07:52

Absolutely if I had no responsibilities I can think of a thousand fun ways to fill my time and I wouldn't be bored but in the context of being a SAHM mum - well you DO have many responsibilities and chores to do!

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 30/05/2019 07:55

Would love it! Even just being able to sit down and watch some mindless day tome tv!
Think of how fit you could be , walks, swimming , gym

Would love it!

Pearlfish · 30/05/2019 07:57

I could think of things to fill my time, yes. But I love my job and find it really interesting and rewarding. It wouldn’t be easy for me to find something to replace that. Having a bath or going for a walk wouldn’t come close!

OwlinaTree · 30/05/2019 08:01

I could definitely fill my time with all my interests I never seem to get a chance to do at the moment.

I feel like I get a sense of doing something meaningful with my life by working in the job I work in. I wouldn't get that from pursuing my hobbies.

HomeMadeMadness · 30/05/2019 08:04

I could easily fill that time. Volunteering, studying, exercise, reading, day trips. It would be amazing. It would be harder if you were very strapped for cash but I'd do online courses (coursera have lots for free). I'd also get to cook more which I'd love. I definitely wouldn't be bored!

Kitsandkids · 30/05/2019 08:17

I had the best of both worlds - foster carer so I was in paid employment, but my foster kids were school age so I had a lot of free time! It was great! And easy to fill the time if I wanted to. I found myself volunteering at their school, going to local day time courses, etc. I was never bored and also enjoyed lots of naps and TV watching, going shopping, craft projects and all sorts.

It still is great but I now have my own toddler as well so I always have a little shadow with me and ‘free time’ is now spent at toddler groups, soft play, parks etc.

Tumbleweed101 · 30/05/2019 08:20

I’d love it - so long as I had friends I could see regularly.

As a single parent I dream of how lovely it could be to be a SAHP but that will never be an option as I’m the only earner.

I’d like to cook proper meals, make the garden lovely and write novels.

AlexaShutUp · 30/05/2019 08:27

I could easily fill the time with stuff that I enjoy. I always found it fun to hang out with the dc in any case.

For me, I think it would be more about the lack of purpose/fulfilment. That's what my own SAH mum always struggled with, and that's what she regrets now. Of course, it's rewarding to be a parent, but I get those rewards anyway, and parenting alone wouldn't give me significant opportunities to make a difference to the world beyond my own family, nor to use my skills/fulfil my potential. I get that some people aren't bothered by this.

Of course, you could get the same sense of purpose/fulfilment through volunteering - it doesn't have to be paid work. However, if you're volunteering enough to make a significant contribution, you're not really a SAHM, are you?

Original poster
DonkeyHohtay · 30/05/2019 08:34

All these "i'd die of boredom being stuck at home" people - you do know that retirement is a thing? Unless you're going to be working until you drop dead, what are you planning to do after you retire?

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 30/05/2019 08:36

After I retire, I'm planning to do loads of voluntary work while I'm healthy enough to do so. I already know exactly where I want to volunteer too!Smile

Ragwort · 30/05/2019 08:44

I agree Donkey, I just don’t understand how people say they get bored, I appreciate if you have zero funds it is harder to find things to occupy your time but if you have imagination and a positive attitude there is always something to do. I was a SAHM (with a school age child) for 12 years and was never bored.

Quite honestly many jobs appear pretty boring to me, not everyone has a stimulating ‘career’ Hmm.

And yes, I do wonder how people will cope when they retire ... my parents have been retired for nearly 30 years Grin, fortunately they have loads of interests, my DDad still sets his alarm for 6.30am every morning to fit everything into his day, he is 90 next year!

Original poster
DonkeyHohtay · 30/05/2019 08:47

I have had some truly awful jobs, haven't we all? A particular lowlight was working in admin in a bank as a student, sitting in a basement looking at files for 8 hours a day.

My parents are both retired and very busy - gym, day trips, they both run the village "in bloom" group, dad volunteers at the local school running a gardening club, mum's doing the family tree and seems to spend most of her free time mooching around graveyards taking photo of headstones. Hmm

OP posts:
Halloumimuffin · 30/05/2019 08:50

I get bored even when I'm doing things. I get bored halfway through films so can't finish them. I work out and I'm bored. Can't read a book for more than 20 minutes else I get bored. So yes, if I had to fill all day without the added variety of my job giving me things to do, I would go absolutely mad.

SinjunRivers · 30/05/2019 08:53

I'm a SAHM and vv bored. Unfortunately I'm also a trailing spouse in another country and don't know many people and only speak the local language to a basic level.
Where we used to live I had a job I loved and lots of friends and interests.
It's all relative.

Ragwort · 30/05/2019 08:53

I never forget when my mum returned to work after having been a SAHM for a few years, she said she was worried about not having anything ‘interesting’ to talk about to her colleagues .... at the coffee break (yes it was in the days when you had a formal 20 min coffee break away from your desk) the conversation revolved around last night’s episode of Coronation Street Grin. Stimulating, interesting company? Hardly. She had used much of her ‘free’ time as a SAHM to study OU modules and had a much wider range of interests.

Ragwort · 30/05/2019 08:58

Unfortunately, and I know this sounds harsh, but there is some truth in the expression ‘only boring people get bored’.

Most of us (assuming we are on Mumsnet) have access to the internet, there is just so much information out there. Only this morning I have researched a few subjects, in greater depth, that were referred to on a tv Programme last night & I feel my knowledge has increased and given me an idea of a couple of places to visit so I am starting to plan that ... may not happen for a few months but gives me something to focus on.

SeeWhoRustsFirst · 30/05/2019 09:02

As someone who hasn't gone out to work for several years (90% of the time without any DC either) I can honestly say I've never been bored. My to-do list is never ending! DIY, gardening, laundry, pet care/walking, housework, shopping, present buying, managing finances/bills. Etc etc. Occasionally a bit of time left over for hobbies. And the second DH comes home, chores are already done and we are on leisure time. We love it and wouldn't change it! I've taken a lot of shit remarks over it though...

Halloumimuffin · 30/05/2019 09:05

there is some truth in the expression ‘only boring people get bored’

I disagree. The most boring people I know are the ones completely satisfied with having little in their lives.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 30/05/2019 09:27

I think it's about a lack of choice.

If you know you have only a limited time ahead of you to fill - 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks, you can think of things to fill it.

But if that free time is open-ended, stretching further than you can see, it gets a lot more (sorry) boring!

Ragwort · 30/05/2019 09:35

Being bored yourself and recognising other people as boring is something quite different though isn’t it?

I know a few people who I think are totally boring even though they themselves probably lead busy, active, productive lives. But if I have absolutely no interest in their passion (eg; cat rescue/chess/deep sea diving - just as examples, nothing wrong with those interests at all) & they drone on about them all the time then I probably find them boring and don’t particularly want to spend time with them, but it doesn’t mean they are bored with their own lives IYSWIM.

Equally I have no doubt that many people find me boring if they don’t share my interests Grin.

AlexaShutUp · 30/05/2019 09:55

I don't think it's really a question of whether other people find you boring. I know lots of SAHMs and they are neither more boring nor more interesting than the next person. Whether I find someone interesting or has more to do with their overall approach to life and their intellectual curiosity than whether they work or not.

For me, as I said above, it's not about boredom as such. It's more about emptiness. I am absolutely not judging anyone else's choices, this is about me and how I feel. I would not choose a life that only revolved around my own family and my personal interests, as I would not find such a life satisfying. I don't feel that paid work is essential, but some sort of meaningful work outside of the home is. If I was independently wealthy, I believe that volunteering would fulfil that need just as well as my current job does, but for the time being, I need the income as well.

We are all different in terms of how we choose to live our lives and what we think is important. SeeWhoRustsFirst describes her never-ending to do list and says that she never has time to get bored, whereas I see that list and think it all sounds dreadfully tedious. However, I'm quite prepared to accept that many people probably feel the same about the routine of getting up and going out to work each morning.

Ultimately, as long as you find meaning and fulfilment in your own life, I'm not sure that it matters what anyone else chooses to do.

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