Being bored?

[DonkeyHohtay]

Spinning off from the eternal SAHM debate. Many people saying they have to work because they'd die of boredom at home.

Really? Is having time to yourself boring? Irrespective of whether you have 8 hours a day free or only a couple of hours on the weekend, surely there are hundreds of fun/interesting things you could get involved in? Do people really sit at home tiwddling their thumbs, struggling for inspiration of things to do?

So imagine you had two days, right now, free of responsibilities and essential stuff to do. Can't you think of a whole long list of things to do? Even if it's just having a bath and going for a walk?

I’d worry about lack of purpose. And I love Netflix and gardening as much as the next person.

Well. I would love to be a sahm if the children were at school all day and I had the same amount of cash to spend as I do if I'm working. I would definitely fill the time reading, going for lunch, shopping, swimming.

As it is I am on maternity leave with a four year old and a four month old. So I don't have time to get bored or to do any of the things I've mentioned.

My career almost broke me so i left and now don't work. My DC are adults and my DH works so it's just me and the dog for long periods.

I love my life. It is filled with the things I want to do. If I feel bored I can easily find something to do. Sometimes I just go with the boredom and look at the birds and contemplate how much better my mental health is now.

Working is not all that many make it out to be (although I do understand that many must work to make end meet).

I could fill a few days, sure - but a lifetime of it would be boring!

I like to feel productive, I like to feel I am contributing to other people’s benefit and using my brain. I like being paid and that my financial welfare isn’t dependent on another person. I like the intellectual challenge of my job.

I could find ways to fill my time if I didn’t work but I would feel guilty and insecure about it.

I'm the opposite. I don't get how people can bear to work such long hours when there's such fun to be had not working!

Long country walks, exploring cities, galleries, reading, music, journalling, planning holidays, helping out at local charities and community activities, messing about with the DC, cooking etc.

I could easily not work at all. I love my job but when I retire I don't think I'll be wondering how to fill the empty days.

I like working because I have an interesting, intellectually stimulating, flexible job in a brilliant industry, which pays me well and I have nice colleagues too. I also couldn't bear to be dependent or answerable to someone else, and not using my brain and skills and qualifications to produce the work I do.

If I had independent means I'd still work, but would have the choice of doing unpaid work if I felt that was the right job for me.

I have 5 full weeks leave plus every evening, Saturday, Sunday and bank holiday to do other things, so I'm hardly strapped for free time either.

@AlexaShutUp, but don't you have to do 80% of my to-do list anyway, when you return from work, in your free time? I agree most of it is quite tedious but so are most people's jobs! At any rate, I agree it's good we're all different :)

I would love not to work. I hate it and resent it.

I really don't think I would be bored if I didn't. I love spending time by myself, have lots of hobbies and interests and enjoy pottering about.

If I was rich I would quit work in a heartbeat.

I think it’s great if as Buzz describes you have an interesting, stimulating, flexible job, in a brilliant industry and have colleagues you get on with. But not everyone has that and many jobs are tedious beyond belief, with petty rules, not allowed to use your initiative, no autonomy etc etc etc.

Obviously there is a happy balance but if I had the choice of ‘staying at home’ or being in a dull job with a boss I couldn’t respect I know what I would choose.

I also dislike the view that ‘staying at home’ is often taken literally as just being at home all the time . When I was a SAHM I was out and about all the time pursuing different interests and volunteering, it’s not as though you sit at home staring at the same walls all day.

But all this is really down to individuality and attitude, some people are bored at work, some people are bored not working. Some people are just bored with life. .

For me it's not so much about not being able to fill the days, it's about lack of company. I loved being on mat leave and spending time with DS but when everyone around you is working all week it does get boring especially with no adult conversation and because of that a part of me looked forward to going back to work.
When I'm retired everyone else will be as well so I'm sure I won't be so bored

But Justme what are you doing about meeting new people & getting out and about? When I was a SAHM I had a huge range of friends and acquaintances, in fact I met a lot more people than when I was at work meeting the same faces every day (& having the same dull conversations ). Not having to work gave me so much time to get involved in all sorts of opportunities that I hadn’t really appreciated existed when I was working full time. There is so much going on in the community, there is always something to do and people to meet.

I have the best of both worlds now, an interesting, part time job with loads of autonomy plus plenty of time to follow my own interests.

@Ragwort Of course I went out and done the baby groups and stuff but for me the constant baby talk is dull conversation, there's only so much I can handle and I can't say I got to know anyone well enough because of that to make new friends 😂

@AlexaShutUp, but don't you have to do 80% of my to-do list anyway, when you return from work, in your free time?

Yes, most of it, though I guess DH might share a bit more of the load than he would if I were a SAHM. I guess I just prefer to squeeze that stuff in around the margins rather than having it as the main focus of my day, because it doesn't really interest me.

As for most people's jobs being tedious, I guess they are, but with the exception of a few summer jobs that I did as a student, I haven't ever really experienced that. Like Buzz, I'm lucky enough to have a job that stretches me mentally and gives me a sense of purpose/achievement, while also allowing for lots of autonomy and the flexibility to fit it around the rest of my life, and enabling me to spend time with colleagues who have become close friends. I am now at the point in my life where I'm looking for a new challenge in work, but I certainly don't take for granted what I already have.

People who are obsessed by their work can be vv boring, going on about the same things all the time.

I'm disabled and have no choice, but it's delightful to see some of the attitudes to people who choose to stay at home.

I'm never bored - I read, study, craft, clean, look after the pets, cook, game, watch TV, garden, paint, crochet, write etc.

If people are bored, they obviously aren't filling their time well.

I wouldn't get bored.

Every day I'd get up, make the dc a healthy breakfast, walk them to school, then I'd go for a run/swim/bike ride/long walk. then I'd go home, potter about tidying doing some cleaning before making myself a lovely healthy lunch at my leisure.

Then I'd put on a roast/casserole/curry ready for everyone's dinner.

Any spare hours I'd bake, read books, go for a walk, volunteer at the school, shop, paint, do puzzles. I'd do a course, I'd watch television. I'd learn photography.

I'd fill my days easily. What I would find though if I was a sahm is I'd become resentful of doing all the shitty housework and of having no money of my own.

I could easily fill my time
But it would not fulfill me in the way my work does
Other people no doubt feel differently but that's how I feel

If I had 30 hours a week to twiddle my thumbs I'd probably volunteer for a charity that helps people (like PPs I have one in mind!) . Or... I could go to work at my job which also helps people and which pays me actual money and respects my right to a work life balance.

I realise I'm very lucky to have this and after years in a miserable private sector job I'm not taking anything for granted. But if I hadn't needed an income I'd have had the luxury of quitting my last job sooner and like to think I'd have used that freedom to retrain rather than doing flower arrangements.

I think the important thing to do as a SAHM is not to just go to baby groups to make friends, widen your horizons, there are all sorts of things you can do, with your baby, that will introduce you to a wider circle of friends and varying interests.

@DonkeyHohtay our retirement plan is to spend around 50% of our time travelling, and hopefully filling the rest with friends (who will then also be retired and so have spare time) and (hopefully) grandchildren, and other hobbies.

I could of course fill 30 hours a week now with hobbies or workouts or cooking. But I'd still be bored. I need the mental stimulation that comes with a career and progression, and to know I'm contributing to our family and achieving something for myself too.

So the two main things I hope to do when retired (more travelling and more time with my husband) aren't things I could do if I stopped working, as he's at work and there are still children to look after, albeit less as we're using the example of them being school age. On that basis, comparing being a SAHP to being retired isn't a true comparison for me.