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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be jealous of family members inheritances😶

44 replies

Allusernamesalreadyused · 29/05/2019 23:21

So as subject states, am I?? Recently 2 members of family on both sides (DHs and mine) have 'come into money'. New cars, house renovations and holidays. They are not admitting it but definitely true. I think it's the covering up and lying and pretending that's irritating me more than anything. They still moan about no money but then go off and suddenly the cars and new furniture, holidays appear. We are cash strapped and saving for new home. They still borrow stuff and are happy to take anything going and that flipping annoys me. Myself and DH work hard (wives on both sides don't even work grrrrrr). Anyways that's my rant. Will probably be lambasted 😥🤐

OP posts:
StrippingTheVelvet · 29/05/2019 23:24

They could be up to their eyes in finance though. You just never know.

PookieDo · 29/05/2019 23:32

My Dsis and I were the only grandchildren who didn’t get a penny of our grandparents inheritance. DGM left it to her own DC and they all shared it generously with our cousins (their own DC). They got new cars, kitchens, house deposits and a nice wedding or 2 between them.

my DF drank it/wasted it all and there isn’t even anything to show for it and i was jealous that my cousins had nice parents and I have a dreadful one. It wasn’t about the money so much as my aunts and uncles took pleasure in helping their own DC in life and wanted to share, and I got the selfish idiot who is now whinging all the money is gone and he’s skint

I feel like it’s ok to be a bit secretly jealous but someone did pass away, and I know that money can’t buy anyone a DGM. At least they aren’t being disrespectful with their money sounds like they think they are being sensitive not boasting about it and making it obvious

So YANBTU but maybe a little U at the same time Wink

HiJenny35 · 29/05/2019 23:42

Yabu, someone else having money, cars whatever doesn't stop you having them or help you to get them, their life is irrelevant to yours. Commenting on their wives not even working!!!!! That's not nice. Jealousy is a very horrid thing. If you aren't happy look at how you can change your own life.

streeeemline · 29/05/2019 23:44

wives on both sides don't even work

^ YABU for that comment alone.

VodselForDinner · 29/05/2019 23:47

In the past 12 months I have:
Cleared a huge chunk off my mortgage
Bought a new (expensive) car
Redecorated my house (including a lot of very expensive joinery)
Bought new furniture
Have had 3 holidays overseas
Made a few expensive purchases of £1k+ each
I’m also about to get a new kitchen

No inheritance, I just have a good income and high savings. I never discuss my earnings with anyone so I’d imagine they think all kinds of things.

Jealousy is a killer, OP.

VodselForDinner · 29/05/2019 23:51

Also, I think it’s extremely crass to begrudge an inheritance. I’ve had nobody die to leave me anything, I’m extremely fortunate.

If they’ve lost parents/close family in order to fund a holiday, I’d imagine they’d prefer to forgo the trip and have the person back.

FamilyOfAliens · 29/05/2019 23:51

You need more positivity in your life, OP.

You sound very bitter.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 29/05/2019 23:57

You are jealous. The wives not working is irrelevant, you should not have mentioned that. Stop being so green aged, jealousy is an ugly trait.

Birdie6 · 30/05/2019 00:04

How do you know that they've both had inheritances ? They are not admitting it maybe they are not admitting because it isn't true.

Maybe they have borrowed money to buy these things. In any case, it's not really your business so you'd be best to stop speculating and get on with your life.

FuckMNDoubleStandards · 30/05/2019 00:26

Yep you're being unreasonable, how can you not work out yourself that your jealousy is ridiculous? Stop comparing your lives.

It's none of your business what their finances are, nor do you know everything and you're not entitled to either, I don't understand why you think you are entitled to know. Stop being nosy and unreasonable and focus on the good you have and what you can do to make life better for yourself.

Messyisthenewtidy · 30/05/2019 00:28

I think it’s understandable to be jealous. But there’s nothing you can do about it and it’s probably not healthy for you.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 30/05/2019 00:29

You're jealous because they had someone in their family die?

bridgetreilly · 30/05/2019 00:30

Wills are public documents, so I guess if you really cared, you could check. But honestly, jealousy over something like this is the most pointless emotion. Just stop thinking about it.

LilQueenie · 30/05/2019 00:31

So work harder. Maybe they have a better income that you don't know about. I mean if shock horror the wives don't have to work perhaps that's why. yabu.

StillMe1 · 30/05/2019 00:34

You think that some people have inherited money and you feel a bit jealous?
Have you thought this through? Someone who loved the people who you think have inherited and the person who inherited likely also loved the person they inherited from. Those who have inherited have each lost a loved one and may well be broken hearted. All you see if someone having money. Perhaps you feel you should also have inherited, however with that attitude I would wonder if you actually care about anyone.
People lose their loved ones. Inheritance does not replace a person. Not in my experience anyway

maddy68 · 30/05/2019 00:34

Honestly I have never been jealous of anyone ever! You have no idea what's going on in their personal lives. Try being happy for them instead

Rachie1973 · 30/05/2019 00:34

Yeah. We’re so lucky to have lost our much loved family members.

0DimSumMum0 · 30/05/2019 00:39

I can kind of see where you are coming from with the fact that they "say one thing then do the other" I have a friend like this who is also always pleading poverty and can never afford things, yet they still seem to be able to buy expensive gifts and days out. Expensive skincare, new car etc ...

Lasttobepickedatgames · 30/05/2019 01:25

I'm know some extended family members feel the same about me and went nc as a result. I lost grandparents then both parents within 4 years of each other. I was 24. I do indeed have a house and car, however I also work 40+ hours a week hence I'm able to keep up with mortgage payments. There are months money is a bit tight and it's also depressing when everyone else is having 'family time' and my family unit is now me and the kids. The inheritance doesn't make up for it and collegues asking why my mum can't have the kids while I work nights still gives me the rage. The grass isn't always greener is the point I'm trying to make.

GoldenRule · 30/05/2019 01:58

Its horribly grabby to be thinking about inherintances in this way. You did not earn that money.

To feel like you have an automatic entitlement to it is really horrible. Earn your own money.

araiwa · 30/05/2019 02:57

If theyre family, surely you would know if another family member had died Confused

Maybe they saved, took a loan or melted their credit cards?

lboogy · 30/05/2019 03:45

YABU. However, the feeling of jealousy is unreasonable

NauseousMum · 30/05/2019 06:36

The thing you need to focus on is that they are in a better position then you and still they borrow from you. That is something you could and should do something about by refusing them.

I used to have a friend who earned 3 times what i did but was awful with money and thought nothing of hitting me up for cash. I grew resentful of being constricted the latter half the month ftom lending to her while she spunked her cash up the wall the first half. I also subbed her drink and cigarettes i never got back. I finally realised i made my choice and only i could change it. So i did and felt a lot less resentful the next time they asked because i regused right off and enjoyed my things.

londonrach · 30/05/2019 06:58

Yabu and abit nasty. Dh and i were renting and have done for ten years knowing we never escape the trap. My grandparents die and the money split equally between their parents. My dm talks to my dsis who buying a house and They agree to help give us a deposit to buy the house we in now. Its a small terrance. You know what id sell it and go back to renting if it meant to ccould still have my grandparents. I miss them. They matter so much more than money. If you think money is more important you got problems. My dm still cant look at my grandparents photo. Ive so much to ask them now which i didnt before.

londonrach · 30/05/2019 06:59

Money split equally betweentheir children not parents

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