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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be jealous of family members inheritances😶

44 replies

Allusernamesalreadyused · 29/05/2019 23:21

So as subject states, am I?? Recently 2 members of family on both sides (DHs and mine) have 'come into money'. New cars, house renovations and holidays. They are not admitting it but definitely true. I think it's the covering up and lying and pretending that's irritating me more than anything. They still moan about no money but then go off and suddenly the cars and new furniture, holidays appear. We are cash strapped and saving for new home. They still borrow stuff and are happy to take anything going and that flipping annoys me. Myself and DH work hard (wives on both sides don't even work grrrrrr). Anyways that's my rant. Will probably be lambasted 😥🤐

OP posts:

Helmetbymidnight · 30/05/2019 07:00

i'm jealous of friends who get massive inheritances.
freedom/choices/ whats not to like?
still thats life, you just have to get on with it.

Original poster

Allusernamesalreadyused · 30/05/2019 07:01

Thanks for replies. I think I know IABU but maybe just needed to get other perspectives. Its not close family members who passed away. Good God I'm not that cruel!! It was elderly grand aunt's in both cases. And by the wives not working I just meant they live such extravagant lives and only 1 income coming into house. I suppose it's cos it's happened all together on both sides of our family that I feel a bit green. One of life's mad coincidences. Anyways I do think you are all correct nd I just need to get on with my own life and stop comparing. Thanks again all for taking time to reply😀

OP posts:

JeezYouLoon · 30/05/2019 07:09

Comparison is the thief of joy OP but it's also human nature.

YANBU but by the same token you must just live your own life, I knew you'd get posts about how YABU but that's MN for you!

A colleague of mine inherited a not insignificant amount from her Mum when she died. They were in no way close and it was an odd time for her, she confided in me how she felt. In fact she took longer off work when her dog died and nothing when her Mum did. I sometimes felt pangs of jealousy (I'm only human) as she has the money to do anything she wants and yes, she's lost her Mum but in reality she 'lost' her Mum years ago.

Helmetbymidnight · 30/05/2019 07:10

on these threads, theres always posters who are like 'i inherited a million pound house and no financial worries for the rest of my life but how dare you, i loved that person and missed them'

it genuinely doesn't occur to them, not for a single simple moment, that many of us have ALSO experienced terrible losses not unlike them - but not had inheritances.

MegaClutterSlut · 30/05/2019 07:14

I don't think your that unreasonable to be a bit jealous. My friend will inherit around 6 properties and a lot of money when her dm goes (she doesn't get on great with her) and will be set for life. She even says its nice to not worry about her or her dc future as she will give a house to him so he doesn't have to worry about that , that's the bit i'm a bit green about because I wish I could do the same but on the other hand there's people out there in a lot worse position than me

notso · 30/05/2019 08:55

You're better off focusing on what you have and what you can change about your own life if you're unhappy with it rather than feeling resentful about things you can't do anything about.
Feeling jealous isn't going to summon up a long lost elderly uncle who will leave you his million pound estate.

LimeKiwi · 30/05/2019 09:08

You're jealous because they had someone in their family die?

Exactly what I was thinking! Just, what? I'm sure they'd rather have the person back!
There could be any number of reasons why they've got money, all of which have nothing to do with you.
Try and enjoy you and yours instead of green eyeing at everyone else (I say this as a terminally skint person!)

Lasttobepickedatgames · 30/05/2019 09:30

I inherited a million pound house and no financial worries for the rest of my life

Can't comment for other people but I got enough to clear my student loan and for a deposit on a house and what was at the time a nice car. I still work 40+ hours a week to pay mortgage/childcare/living expenses. I'm also a a regular saver so the money I enjoy now I earned myself.

It never occurs to them many of us have had terrible losses but never received any inheritance

My DB died unexpectedly, a close friend hanged themself and then I also lost a very much wanted pregnancy so I am aware that not every loss means inheritance. I am also aware that money cannot buy happiness, comparison is the thief of joy and the green eyed monster that is envy is a nasty thing to live with so let it go.

Helmetbymidnight · 30/05/2019 09:35

comparison is the thief of joy and the green eyed monster that is envy is a nasty thing to live with so let it go

well i agree with that.

loss is hard whatever the circumstances. having money in life is better than not having money...

Helmetbymidnight · 30/05/2019 09:39

and sorry to hear about your experiences. sounds like youve been through a hell of a lot.

Halloumimuffin · 30/05/2019 09:42

I sometimes felt pangs of jealousy (I'm only human) as she has the money to do anything she wants and yes, she's lost her Mum but in reality she 'lost' her Mum years ago.

I lost my Mum 16 years ago and I would still give up every penny I have to have her back.

Halloumimuffin · 30/05/2019 09:47

many of us have ALSO experienced terrible losses not unlike them - but not had inheritances

My brother stole the few hundred pounds I was supposed to inherit from my Mum. I still don't begrudge anyone else more fortunate.

Helmetbymidnight · 30/05/2019 09:49

i lost my parents and of course id do anything to have them back.

do you genuinely think people are suggesting otherwise? seriously?

Hopeygoflightly · 30/05/2019 09:51

Don’t compare yourself to others it’s the surest way to unhappiness. I have a friend who lost her dad then mum in a year and inherited enough money to pay off her mortgage. Another friend was jealous until I pointed out that mutual friend was now an ORPHAN albeit it a 40 and would give anything to have her DPs back. It’s all about perspective. I might inherit a bit of money one day but only if I lose a parent or DW and quite frankly I don’t want that to happen.

ethelfleda · 30/05/2019 09:52

Anyways I do think you are all correct nd I just need to get on with my own life and stop comparing. Thanks again all for taking time to reply

Fair play, OP. Not many admit they ABU on here!

I do think money brings out the worst in some people though. It’s just stuff, that’s all.

Ragwort · 30/05/2019 09:52

You could be talking about me. A distant relative died recently and we did inherit part of her estate. My DH was executor and did all the arrangements, house clearing, funeral arrangements etc etc. We were also the only ones who had kept in regular contact with her. I don’t know if other relatives are jealous, nothing has been said and we have not boasted about the new carpets etc that we have been able to buy.

Equally I know other family members who have inherited from relatives, often in tragic circumstances, jealousy won’t get you anywhere and is not a nice feeling.

Pk37 · 30/05/2019 10:09

Stop spending your life comparing yourself to others ,you don’t know how they got that money and it’s not your business how they spend it.
Life is too short to be bitter and jealous

GoodbyeRosie · 30/05/2019 10:34

It's a difficult situation, a friend of mine has recently lost her DM a lot earlier than could have been reasonably expected. She is absolutely devastated, and I guess most posters know it's something that you never truly get over, but learn to live with.

The only 'light' for her is that she was the sole beneficiary, so has inherited a net sum of money that is easily six figures. Her mum would be very happy to know that the money will pay for a nice house in a good area of the city with excellent schools, and that the family she has left behind won't want for anything in the future.

I don't think it's anything to wish for, but as you get older and prepare for the inevitable demise of your parents and elderly relatives , I suppose everyone appreciates the consolation of the small comfort the resulting financial security brings, especially if you have never had that before.

Lifeonmars77 · 30/05/2019 11:03

You're only human OP. Envy, comparison and to some extent resentment are natural responses for a lot of people in these situations. I doubt anyone who says you are unreasonable for feeling these things has never felt this way at some point in their life.

Your power I guess is what you chose to do with those thoughts and feelings when they present themselves. You can dwell on it and let it eat away at you (but you know already that's not a healthy mindset to be in) or you can dismiss those thoughts and feelings and get on with your life. After all, feeling that way is absolutely no benefit to you as there is nothing you can do to change it, so just be happy for them and move on

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