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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a "thank-you" from a littly boy I pushed on the swing at the park?

41 replies

mm22bys · 21/07/2007 17:39

I took DS1 to the park this afternoon, and was pushing him on the swing when another little boy asked me to push him (I can't remember if he used "please").

I didn't think he was talking to me so I ignored him, but then I realised he was talking to me so when I had finished pushing DS1 I pushed him a few times.

Then I told him I had to go to look after DS1.

He did not even say thank-you, or show any sign of gratefulness or appreciation.

AIBU to have expected a "thank you" from him (he was about 7 I would guess, and I would have thought someone who has the guts to ask a perfect stranger something would have the "guts" to say thank you too...)

To make matters worse, later on DS1 was climbing across a bridge, and this boy just pushed past him. His parents were nowhere in sight...

OP posts:

Cammelia · 21/07/2007 17:40

YABU

tiredemma · 21/07/2007 17:41

He may not have parents at home who teach him manners?

IntergalacticWalrus · 21/07/2007 17:41

lulumama · 21/07/2007 17:42

that's children for you

they're not little robots

if you were only pushing him to get a grateful thank you, then you were doing it for the wrong reason!

YABU!

and pushing and shoving and lack of manners is par for the course when kids are bowling round the park

can you imagine neat, serried ranks of immaculate children, queuing for the slide, and taking turns at everything!?!?!

beansprout · 21/07/2007 17:44

Blimey, if you want something back, don't do it in the first place!!

Cammelia · 21/07/2007 17:44

How old is your ds?

DangerousBeans · 21/07/2007 17:47

I can understand that you thought he should have said thank you.
And I agree with you.
He should.
But he didn't.
Probably because he is about 7.
And playing in a park.
You were way down his list of priorities.
Because he is about 7.

Original poster

mm22bys · 21/07/2007 18:03

Wow I am shocked.

I am obviously "old-school" but I think manners still go a long way.

Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself, is one of my mottoes.

My DS is 3 and he does say his please and thank yous....

OP posts:

beansprout · 21/07/2007 18:05

So does ds but a 7yo not thanking you isn't symptomatic of a moral decline!

lulumama · 21/07/2007 18:07

what dangerousbeans and beansprout said,

children should be 'allowed' to be excited and forgetful of manners when rushing around the park

Cammelia · 21/07/2007 18:08

You are

Wait till your ds is 7 you have lots of in store

wheresthehamster · 21/07/2007 18:10

I am always surprised when young children DO say please or thank-you. I always comment on how polite they are. Would never expect it, especially in this situation - children always have other things on their mind.

Idreamofdaleks · 21/07/2007 18:13

Maybe he thought YOU were rude for ignoring him when he had bothered to talk to you!!!

FredAdair · 21/07/2007 18:13

I think to expect might be a little unrealistic but I don't think hoping for a best case scenario is a bad thing. Surely we'd all welcome some sort of acknowledgement if we'd done something kind?!
I'm teaching my d to say please and thanks and I would definitely hope that by 7 she'll say thank you if someone has done her a good turn/helped her out, etc. The proof of the pudding will be when she gets to 7 and does/doesn't!

HedTwigg · 21/07/2007 18:14

I have to say I'd have expected a thank you too

pointydog · 21/07/2007 18:19

I wouldn't have expected it as I would have no idea about how teh boy was brought up and what normality was for him

pagwatch · 21/07/2007 18:40

YABU
my son would not have said thank you either. He has special needs and would not, in those circumstance have been likely to say it. It is also unlikely that you would have spotted his special needs by looking at him. He is 10

niceglasses · 21/07/2007 18:43

YAB very unreasonable.

Jeeeesh.

ChasingSquirrels · 21/07/2007 19:00

I wouldn't necessarly expect a child to say thank you - I wouldn't expect my ds to thank me for pushing him (although sometimes he might).
I would however expect a please when asked, and if I was asked and didn't get a please I would parrot back at them with a please, (i.e. say "can you push me please") and wait for them to say the please before I pushed them.

Original poster

mm22bys · 21/07/2007 23:14

Thanks for your responses.

I didn't actually push him EXPECTING a "thank you" (I didn't push and think 'oh when I finish he will say "thankyou"), but I was surpised when I didn't get one.

So, to a pp, it's not a case for me, of 'expecting something in return when I "give"'

I do know that a lot of parents don't believe in "parroting" of manners, but I was still surprised.

Maybe it's a case of waiting till my DS1 gets to this boy's age, and seeing how HE would react, and then I could judge.

To the parents of older children, thanks for opening my eyes. I did actually think by modelling, and prompting "good manners" that maybe my DS1 might "absorb" some politeness (I don't know that his boy was seven - he could have been older), but maybe I shouldn't expect so much!

To Idreamofdaleks, I didn't intentionally ignore him. I just didn't realise he was talking to him me (my children are not at the age when they would ask a perfect stranger to do something for them!)!

Thankyou Hedtwigg! I don't think basic manners and politeness are asking too much!

OP posts:

REBELlatrixlestrange · 21/07/2007 23:19

My lads were taught their manners, and they used them beautifully when they were younger.

These days, they have been known to forget, and have to be reminded occasionally.

Malfoynomore · 21/07/2007 23:39

hm..but then my older boys would have at the tneder age of 3 ask another adult if they would push them on the swing...Kids are all different...actually my by now 4 1/2 year old is slightly embaressing cos he loves to latch on to other people especially man, but he is a boys sort of boy, dispite me being his favourite person, but I am mum I don't count!
I think we all try to bring our Kids up wiht manners, and I must say that I find now, that probably those we find the most impolite tend to be much stricter with theri Kids, who still sadly often turn out like their parents, so, not sure what tis one is nurture or nature, lol...

Original poster

mm22bys · 21/07/2007 23:58

It's getting late, and I have had a few,

but I guess you are saying:

that if this boy had been with his parents he may have acted differently,

that I shouldn't judge someone on one initial "meeting".

Wait a few years to see how he will turn out!

Sounds fair enough to me.

I guess we all have to do the best we can from the youngest possible age, and hope for the best!

Thx,

OP posts:

Malfoynomore · 22/07/2007 00:10

oh, absolutely we can but try, right...

CristinaTheAstonishing · 22/07/2007 06:49

I think I'd have expected the initial 'please' and perhaps a nod or some 'OK then' or something (maybe even 'thanks'?) when told that's it. Perhaps he was younger than 7, just big for his age, as by 7 many kids can swing by themselves. Having said that, I don't know how DS would behave in a similar situation. (He has otherwise excellent motor skills but was v late at mastering swinging.)

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