To want to smack this woman in the mouth?

[QueenOfTheEighthKingdom]

Fantasising about it is about all I can do but she sure will get a mouthful if I ever see her again!

DS (17) was diagnosed with Autism today. Almost 6 years after my community paediatrician insisted he didn't have it.

6 years of hell he's gone through not being able to access the support and therapeutic educational opportunities he could have had, battling through mainstream education and sanctions for behaviour he can't control creating a depressed, massively anxious, totally disengaged teenager who has been misunderstood and blamed for years!

AAARRGGGHHHHH!

She’s one woman. Why is she solely to blame?

YANBU That is massively frustrating.

@IsabellaLinton Because that 'one woman' is the gateway to all the services OP outlined and understanding/support at school. And without it, her DS has suffered unduly for 6 years.

Why didn’t you get a second opinion at the time

Of course you're bloody angry. Autism does seem to be difficult to diagnose for many and it's often the parent who picks up on the more subtle symptoms and gets ignored. I would consider writing to the doctor and just making it clear that you hope she's updated her knowledge on autism so more children don't go undiagnosed.

Your poor DS I hope he gets the support now. Good for you OP for sticking to your guns and getting a diagnosis.

Yes. You are very unreasonable to feel like that about someone. You would be entitled to lots of other feelings. But the way you have expressed yourself makes you sound aggressive and frightening and entirely unreasonable.

Surely there have been other people involved in his care over 6 years?

The community paediatrician is basically god when it comes to these things. It's not easy getting referred to them, and there's nobody to argue with. It took letters from speech therapists and preschool to get my DD referred, and the CP dismissed her out of hand (I wonder if it was the same one). All the professionals who know her were but there isn't really anyone else to go to.

OP for you and your DS. I completely get your frustration. I hope you have a brighter future ahead.

Hahahaha @BigRedLondonBus !

It doesn't work that way, unless you've got upwards of £4k to go fully private. The NHS sucks for trying to access diagnostics for autism etc, waiting lists of 2-4 years are common.

People make diagnoses based on their best assessments of symptoms. It is completely unreasonable to fantasise about hurting them because they got it wrong. Understandable, but unless she was negligent, YABU.

Love these people that think you can just go get a second opinion. Unless you have the means to pay for it it just won't happen. You get sent away and the only people you can get referred back to are the people who sent you away.

And as for other people involved in his care? Like who? Teachers? Who will either be sympathetic but can do nothing, or just think the child is just a naughty child and the parents are to blame. There's likely to be no one else involved. CAHMS is a mess, if you can even get to see anyone, they usually just say they can't help.

So no, I don't think you are being unreasonable to blame one person.

Yes and if you go chasing a diagnosis like ASD (or certain other conditions) and go against a doctor it pisses them off and they’ll likely throw FII allegations at you

You are very unreasonable to feel like that about someone. You would be entitled to lots of other feelings. But the way you have expressed yourself makes you sound aggressive and frightening and entirely unreasonable.

Living with autism (for years and years with no support) will do that to you!

The OP isn't actually going to do it - she's perfectly entitled to want to do it within the confines of her own head.

I hope you've got your hard hat on, OP - this thread might end up making you feel even worse.

And OP, YANBU

Why not complain to the health board responsible for her, including her original diagnosis, paperwork to show how difficult it has been for your DS and today’s diagnosis? Would an apology really help?

I hope that the path will now be easier and happier for him. I wish you the best for the future and I hope that you can find peace.

You could have just sought a second opinion at the time? Nobody's perfect. All doctors will occasionally misdiagnose a patient. They're human beings, not omniscient gods. You could have taken your son elsewhere for an assessment if you were convinced the paediatrician was wrong.

YES! Do as User just above me suggests! document her failure! Get it on her professional record! it matters. and is as close as you can get to smacking her.

This is very frustrating but not unusual. However, your reaction is a worry.
It's nit like diagnosing pneumonia where a simple blood test shows it up. It's a complex, long winded process. And actually, for many, having a diagnosis changes very little. After all, there is no pill, no cure, no treatment that will change anything. Labels mean nothing. It's managing the signs and symptoms that is crucial.

I really don’t think the OP is going to smack anyone. She’s reflecting on the last 6 years and how it could have been different if the correct DX had been given.

Unless you have recent knowledge of the situation around getting appointments for assessment you have NO IDEA what hell it is.

OP - well done for getting this far and well done to your son. Remember that the outside world is one influence on him but your care and understanding will have helped him too.

It’s pants and be kind to yourself (and ignore the non understanding posts above).

soon for some labels don’t mean anything but for others it does.

We should not judge those who it is and is not important.

Really? I have a child with asd actually, if I felt my child had asd and was being fobbed off yes I would have asked for another opinion. People make mistakes

I would definitely complain about her and also fantasise about punching some of the ignorant posters on this thread. I can’t imagine the pain you and your son have gone through for the past 6 years managing in mainstream school with no diagnosis or support. It will have had a massive adverse affect on his confidence.

Paediatricians are highly trained and should not miss such a fundamental diagnosis, especially when it sounds like you were suggesting this.

I hope you can get some immediate support now.

People make diagnoses based on their best assessments of symptoms. It is completely unreasonable to fantasise about hurting them because they got it wrong

But more often than not when it comes to autism doctors aren't doing that, instead they're busy telling parents crap like "oh he can't be autistic because he makes eye contact/plays with toys/is affectionate/talks normally."
All things that actual medical professionals have said.
They aren't getting it wrong, they're refusing children an assessment for autism based on their own (very wrong) ideas about what autism is and how it presents.

And actually, for many, having a diagnosis changes very little. After all, there is no pill, no cure, no treatment that will change anything. Labels mean nothing. It's managing the signs and symptoms that is crucial.

An autism diagnosis is not a label, it's just that, a medical diagnosis. And having one can make a huge difference. For example how can a person access autism specific provision without an autism diagnosis?
It's easy to say it's all about managing the symptoms, but how can you do that without understanding what a person has and how it affects them? And some autistic people do need medication for issues related to their autism, such as anxiety.

Hello OP,

I can imagine your frustrated. I am pleased you now have a diagnosis for your son.

Did you seek a second opinion at the time ? St George's Hospital provide second opinions for ASD.

Please tell me you went back to the community paediatrician and filled them in - at least some good can then come out of your experiences and they may learn from it

but the criteria has changed in 6 years ago. assuming your dc is on the spectrum.