To want to smack this woman in the mouth?

[QueenOfTheEighthKingdom]

Fantasising about it is about all I can do but she sure will get a mouthful if I ever see her again!

DS (17) was diagnosed with Autism today. Almost 6 years after my community paediatrician insisted he didn't have it.

6 years of hell he's gone through not being able to access the support and therapeutic educational opportunities he could have had, battling through mainstream education and sanctions for behaviour he can't control creating a depressed, massively anxious, totally disengaged teenager who has been misunderstood and blamed for years!

AAARRGGGHHHHH!

Pringle, I feel that we do need a diagnosis for Ds. He's nearly 15 and not coping at the moment. He knows he's different but doesn't understand why. He hates himself, says he wishes he hadn't been born. His anxiety is awful. He hates school. I don't blame any medical staff we have only tried to pursue a diagnosis in the last year, if anything I blame myself. But surely things should be better than this for a teenager.

I'm not expecting anything specialist for him and we certainly wouldn't get that but he does deserve some support. People may say he is high functioning but at the moment the impact on his life is huge. His school have been dragging their feet massively but we have pushed and will continue to do so. He has his gcses next year, he has as much right as anyone else to reach his full potential.

Queen I understand your frustration. I regularly have a rant at home about Ds's useless head of year. He has made a difficult situation so much worse. Of course our complaints about him to the school are always polite and measured but I can understand letting out your frustration on an anonymous forum. I know how difficult it is.

Hercule
All of your.posts clearly show your woeful ignorance about the struggle to get a dx. Your lack of empathy, however, is astounding. Op has had a momentous day, after years of hell and is now dealing with a distressed older teenager. If you are able to imagine, just for a second, how frustrated she must feel then you wouldn't make snarky comments such as "appalling".
Medics are not gods who must never be challenged.it doesn't really need to said however that of course, deserves to be the victim of violence but I think it's clear to everyone on this thread, apart from you, that the op is not advocating actual violence.
She is venting online in a supposedly safe space. I suggest you take some time to ask yourself why you feel it's necessary to be deliberately obtuse. If you are not being deliberately obtuse and you really can't understand why someone might feel the way the Op feels, then perhaps educate yourself before weighing in with your opinions which are at best pointless, at worst upsetting.

In fact you remind me a lot of the 'professionals' who have been arrogant , obstructive and ill informed. The irony.

Apologies for garbled sentence. It should read that it goes without saying, of course, that nobody deserves to be the victim of violence.

It’s not like I think she is going to do it. It’s that I think the desire to do it reflects an uncharitable view of what the doctor did.

When a doctor has dismissed a parent's views and made a misdiagnosis leading to years of failure to provide for her child's needs, I think that parent is entitled to feel a bit uncharitable about that doctor.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt

It’s really not possible to have a sensible discussion with some of you. I’m going to put the phone down before I make myself sound like you.

Op YANBU

Rant away on here and watch this for a few minutes to distract you with a smile.

Great video NurseButtercup!

Hercule then my work here is done. Bye!

If his life was hell in mainstream it’s the people there who didn’t understand him and adjust for his needs that need to be blamed.

Understand what?

Adjust for what needs?

If the OP's DS didn't have a diagnosis, how are people in mainstream life supposed to have an iota of understanding? How are they supposed to make allowances? Adjust?

People in every day life don't do that. It's hard enough when you do have a diagnosis - a reason for behaviour - let alone when you don't.

Of course, this is AIBU, where the professional obtuse and disingenuous congregate.

Medical students are often told that 80 per cent of diagnoses are made on the basis of the patient’s story alone, 5–10 per cent on the examination, and the remainder on investigations and tests.

So this ignorant specialist isn't taking into account the single, most important, criterium for diagnosis.

It’s patently obvious that the OP is angry, but she has reason to be. It’s completely soul destroying to find yourself fighting a lone battle to get a SEN DC’s needs met, when you find yourself banging your head against a brick wall.

There’s quite a few professionals I have uncharitable thoughts about where DD1 (now 10) is concerned. I haven’t expressed violent thoughts on a Mumsnet thread as yet but I could imagine doing so. I won’t, though, not since reading some of the responses on here!

It must surely be completely clear that the OP isn’t threatening actual violence. Like a lot of OPs, she’s venting on here, which is a healthy way to release her anger against a professional who did let her DS down.

A bit of compassion wouldn’t go amiss, though that’s a quality some of you know very little about.

I hope you can now find a way to get your DS the support he needs, OP.

@Chillaxinginmy kimono, thank you but there is no need for that tone, or the name calling.

understand what?
Accommodate for what needs?
If the OP’s DS didn’t have a diagnosis, how are people in mainstream life supposed to have an iota of understanding

Sounds awfully like you are saying that all children with autism are the same and that a diagnosis is a descriptor of their needs?

Sounds also as though you don’t hold mainstream staff to high enough standards.

It shouldn’t take a diagnosis for school staff to recognise that a child has sensory sensitivities or social communication needs. Every child with an autism diagnosis is different. A child’s family and school will have identified the particular aspects that the child struggles with (and their strengths) a looong time before they get a diagnosis- otherwise why would they even be seeking one?

I hear what you say: it doesn’t work that way, schools are only willing to make individual adjustments once there is a diagnosis. This may be true, but it is wrong! So get angry at the school! Many children have additional needs for which there is not discrete label, the needs of all children are equal! If they have an utterly miserable child at their school something should be done about it regardless of whether he has autism, to do otherwise is a dereliction of duty.

Anger towards the pediatrician, who barely really knew the child and had to make an odds-based assessment is seriously misplaced. Be angry with the school who knew him, saw him daily for years, and yet wouldn’t help him without a label.

This is assuming having a diagnosis earlier would of made any difference... my son is almost 17 and I've had years of fighting and he has ptsd from his experience of education and that's with so called support in place. No money no funding not enough qualified teachers with good understanding of autism and social communication issues.

In hindsight I would of kept him home but you think you're doing the right thing as the schools tell you they can support it 🙄

He was diagnosed at 8 as was my youngest ds....

Sounds awfully like you are saying that all children with autism are the same and that a diagnosis is a descriptor of their needs?

That's exactly not what I'm saying.

Getting a diagnosis will be as result of difficulties covering a range of issues, which will be identified in order to make the diagnosis - language / communication / social / monotropic mindset / repetitive behaviours sensory / info processing / neuro-motor differences / the list goes on and on.

The diagnosis will because a combination of these conditions or difficulties present, each (or most) to a greater or lesser degree - and the extent to which all or most of them present, will be identified by a professional.

Having an understanding of Person A's unique set of issue (for want of a better word) is surely going to make it easier for everyone to re-set and adjust, according to Person A.

To me, you saying everyone is mainstream should just adjust to his needs makes it seem as if you're saying everyone with autism is the same.

If Person A doesn't even know what they're dealing with themselves, how can they expect complete strangers to know / understand / accommodate?

Complete strangers don’t have to accommodate though, we’re talking about the school in this instance? who know him well (or should do).

And saying to a complete stranger ‘X has austism’ isn’t going to leave said stranger any better able to help, because of the complexities you yourself outlined above?

I understand that diagnoses can be helpful for people when understanding themselves. I don’t really want to be feeding a pro / anti diagnosis argument. I just believe very strongly that if a child is miserable it isn’t automatically the fault of the professional who didnmt label him, it’s the fault of the adults around him who didn’t meet his clearly onvious needs.

It's not just the teacher - the classroom of kids also has to accommodate, understand and be inclusive.

If a child has a diagnosis, then it will be for X, Y, Z reasons, which they / their parents can discuss with the teacher and put strategies / supports in place.

I don't really get why this is a controversial viewpoint.

Why bother with a diagnosis at all, if it doesn't help?

*obvious

(I think I anticipated your response- see my post above)

clearly onvious needs.

That he has a need is clearly obvious - what those needs actually are, is likely to be much less clear.

The school should have been consulting with an Educational Psychologist. You don’t need to have autism to be seen by the EP.

Wow-you sound unpleasant and aggressive!

A diagnosis is not the be all. If you suspected ASD, surely you would have put in suggested strategies/interventions to support him. There are lots of ASD pupils in our schools, some diagnosed , some not. Most are in mainstream. You really think he would have received lots of free psychological support with a diagnosis? Think again!

I should make clear that DS also has severe learning difficulties which was his original diagnosis. This is hand in hand with the ASD and ADHD which he has just been formally diagnosed with. I knew the LD's did not account for his obsessive and challenging behaviour which was obvious and well documented before the first diagnosis but if you're told that he definitely doesn't have ASD enough by someone who's supposed to be qualified in that field, then you think you have to believe it. It is actually written in the report that he could make eye contact and hold a conversation as a basis for him not meeting the criteria of ASD. He can't now though due to extreme anxiety.

A formal diagnosis at 11 would have meant that I would have fought to get him into a specialist ASD school when it was obvious he couldn't cope at mainstream secondary. As it was I couldn't even get him an EHCP until Yr10 as the school didn't support his diagnosis of learning difficulties as the Head felt that he was choosing to be disruptive and not to work as he didn't 'present' in the same way as other DC with learning difficulties in the school.

The Paed knew him well enough, she saw him regularly for 6 years, she was resident Paed at the Special School I moved him to in Yr11 who also felt that he didn't 'present' as they expected and felt that he had severe mental health issues (he does now), and subsequently kicked him out.

So sorry to ear about your son’s difficulties oer the years OP and how it’s been compounded for him.
It’s so frustrating that your pediatrician didn’t pick it up, and you missed an opportunity to try for a different school.
Your AIBU is about feeling as though you want to smack the Dr though, and even though I do understand your anger and sadness for your son, reading about the two schools in your post above, it’s absolutely clear to me who deserves your ire. Your son shouldn’t need a diagnosis to be treated with care and understanding and for his needs to be taken seriously.