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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I won’t get my inheritance?

94 replies

Islands81 · 28/05/2019 23:46

I discovered a few days ago from my db1 that my df is planning on selling one of his houses, and splitting the money between me and my 3 brothers. It will likely be around £40-£50k each. The money will only be given in order to put towards a deposit for property though. Which is totally fair enough, however I can’t see that I’m ever going to be in a position to buy a house, whereas my brothers all already have or will be able to.

DB1 - age 40, currently trying to get a mortgage. No DC although he lives with his GF who has just started her own business and has one DC. He would get a mortgage just in his name based on his earnings from his own successful business which he’s been running for about 10 years.

DB2 - age 34. No DC and single. Was given the deposit to buy a small repossessed flat by my DM (divorced from my DF) over 10 years ago. He has a tiny mortgage and is looking to buy something bigger.

DB3 - 27 years old and the most sensible of the lot of us. Has a good career and long term girlfriend. They have just had an offer accepted on their first property near London.

Then there’s me. 38, 2 DC both with disabilities. Single parent (100% of the time). Dd1 is Home educated. I have ME and whilst sometimes I can be ok for a few days or if I’m very lucky, a few weeks at a time, a lot of the time I am completely exhausted or asleep. As in, I will pop to the post office for example, and then need a nap. It’s really boring and drives me mad. It’s very difficult to plan anything as I never know how much energy I will be able to muster. On the occasions that I do go out for a whole day, I’ll be completely wiped out for at least a week afterwards (literally unable to move and aching all over).

As you can imagine, with all this going on it’s very difficult for me to get a job. I am not reliably well enough to even take on very part time hours. I do run a small business which makes a little bit of money but it’s something I can do as and when I’ve got some energy spare (online selling). Also my credit isn’t brilliant from years of having to manage on practically nothing.

My family think I’m just lazy and a scrounger, and that I just need to ‘get off my arse and get a job’. We’re not particularly close and they have no idea how much I struggle day to day. So AIBU to be a bit sad that my brothers are all going to be given a massive leg up onto the housing ladder, but I’m very unlikely to be in a position to get my own place? I’m not even supposed to know that this money exists at the moment, as my DF hasn’t mentioned it to me.

OP posts:
pineapplebryanbrown · 29/05/2019 00:28

It's just strange not to help someone because they are in a worse position. I wonder if you could ask for this early release portion to be kept and added to your eventual larger inheritance essentially ringfencing it rather than losing it.

Birdie6 · 29/05/2019 00:28

You sound very disparaging of your father. So he inherited a business - I assume that he has been working and running the business all these years.

Re this "inheritance" ,well it isn't an inheritance , it's a gift which has some strings attached. Most people don't ever get gifts like this, so it's a bit hard to feel sympathy about it.

Original poster
Islands81 · 29/05/2019 00:34

@thighofrelief I suspect that he thinks it might motivate me to ‘get off my arse and get a job’. If only it were that easy. I was talking to my DM today and she used those very words to me. She sees me a few times a week and so knows my reality but even she thinks like that. They all just think I’m lazy Sad

OP posts:
pineapplebryanbrown · 29/05/2019 00:34

MN is very strange about inheritance I've never understood why. In some circumstances some people have every right to expect an inheritance. Let us say someone cares for their parents faithfully for many years to the detriment of their own health and career - I would say that person can expect an inheritance. It's just obtuse to say otherwise.

Original poster
Islands81 · 29/05/2019 00:36

@Birdie6 I love him because he’s my dad but he’s never had a nice word to say about any of his kids. So it’s difficult for me to be overly gushing about him.

OP posts:
pineapplebryanbrown · 29/05/2019 00:37

What about the ringfencing idea? Would the early gift plus eventual inheritance give you enough to buy a house?

category12 · 29/05/2019 00:38

Well you know, there are people in similar positions to you that won't ever receive £50K.

So yes, it's shit that you're ill and your situation is what it is, and that your brothers have it easier in life.

But £50K is actually an amazing sum of money.

category12 · 29/05/2019 00:40

Oh sorry, misread your post.

pineapplebryanbrown · 29/05/2019 00:40

She won't get the £50k

maddening · 29/05/2019 00:40

Could you buy outright in a V cheap area then rent it out for a bit and/or sell it on?

Original poster
Islands81 · 29/05/2019 00:43

That depends on what his will says I guess. I was quite close to him for a while after my parents divorced but then he got together with his partner. They’re engaged. She’s been married 3 times before to well off men, and done very nicely out of it. She worked when they first got together but not anymore (she’s early 50s). She isn’t very nice to any of us, but her own adult dc are over there a lot. My DB1 and his girlfriend once needed a bed for a night in my DF’s big house and she wouldn’t let them stay. I have a sneaking suspicion that she’s going to end up with most of what my DF owns. She’s a fair bit younger than he is.

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 29/05/2019 00:46

Whatever you do, don't waste the money. Let it be the start of your savings, at least.

Original poster
Islands81 · 29/05/2019 00:46

@maddening that is something I’ve thought about. It would have to be bloody cheap though! And probably a long way from where I am (SW).

OP posts:
Original poster
Islands81 · 29/05/2019 00:48

@PickaChew exactly that, taking her out of school was the last thing I wanted but I didn’t have a choice in the end. She does some stuff at home herself and I pay for her to have a maths tutor because that’s what she struggles with the most.

OP posts:
Original poster
Islands81 · 29/05/2019 00:51

Thanks maddening but that’s only an auction guide price and may well go for at least double that. And clearly needs a lot of work which I wouldn’t have the money to do.

OP posts:
Nameisthegame · 29/05/2019 00:55

You can get a good flat in spain have have someone manage the letting for you.

Original poster
Islands81 · 29/05/2019 01:00

Blimey that one in wales looks like a bargain! I have zero knowledge of that area though.

Not sure buying abroad would be a good plan with the brexshit nonsense (though I’d personally love it!).

OP posts:
Flump9 · 29/05/2019 01:11

With 40-50k you wouldn't need a mortgage you could just buy outright a share in a shared ownership property.

Original poster
Islands81 · 29/05/2019 01:15

Thanks Flump, that’s worth knowing. I’ve never looked into them before but it but I will.

OP posts:
Freudianslip1 · 29/05/2019 01:21

I assume you are on benefits OP? If so you need to be sure that any inheritance will not jeopardise your situation. I know someone who had severe ME and was a single parent. Back then she received DLA and Income support. Her father left her £12k and social security discovered this and her income support and ergo housing benefit were stopped. She had to use the inheritance for living and then reapply for benefits once it had depleted, so she didn't actually benefit from it at all.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/05/2019 01:22

Don't let the opportunity pass, by a piece of land with the money, a small flat up north if possible, then sell it.
OP it is not fair forvyour DF to dictate.
My partners don't have lots of money but they own their home, and life insurance, it is all they have but it will be split equally between the 4 of us, without any strings.
Your DF is a controlling twat.
I know parents don't owe their DC anything, but I personally could not see one child struggle with an illness and two ASD DC.

EileenAlanna · 29/05/2019 01:38

You can still pick up some bargains at auctions. Even if they need work if they're cheap enough then you should have enough. www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-62327787.html

luckybird07 · 29/05/2019 01:48

Sorry you have ME - not easy. Can you get advice on investing the money in a low risk fund so the money could grow into a bigger pot?

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