Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and commitments - football related!

54 replies

Anythingbutfootball · 28/05/2019 22:42

DH is sport mad. Great, love having fit and active husband.
DH plays footie every Friday night, plus training every Wednesday.
DH also takes DSS to training every Monday, Thursday (Which is a walking distance from his house) and to every game on a Saturday. Great, it's important that he does that.
However this means that weekly if I wanted a date night with him or to use the car I can't until some point on a Saturday afternoon, earliest lunch time.
This week DH doesn't have a game, but is planning on a night with the boys as 'he has an opportunity to do so and he doesn't get that often' fair enough, he doesn't.
AIBU that once a month, one of the Thursday, Friday or Saturday sessions is dropped to give us a chance to do something? Or should I just ride out the season?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 28/05/2019 22:52

Can you clarify why you can't go out either after dss's training (how old is he so how late is it), or on a Tuesday night, Saturday night or any of Sunday?

MustBeAWeasly · 28/05/2019 22:56

This is why I could never have married a man who has anything to do with bloody football it's ridiculous how much time is spent on it! You shouldn't have to be asking for him to slot you in once a month.

dollydaydream114 · 28/05/2019 23:02

I'm confused. You're saying you can't have a 'weekly' date night with him. But he appears to be free on Saturday afternoons, all day Sunday and Tuesday nights. So why can't you go out on one of those nights?

Also, I think it's a bit unfair to bracket him taking his son to football as all part of his football obsession. All parents have to take their kids to activities etc; the fact that his son's chosen activity is football is kind of irrelevant really.

twojackrusselsandamoggie · 28/05/2019 23:06

What time does his son's training finish, and how old is his son?

Redshoeblueshoe · 28/05/2019 23:10

Football season is over.

Original poster
Anythingbutfootball · 28/05/2019 23:11

DSS is young teen, training is til 8pm so a bit late to head out after by the time DH gets home. Yes we can still go out on a Saturday or Sunday. But I can't go out either as have no access to the car or public transport. So stuck in the house those nights.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 28/05/2019 23:23

Can you afford either a second car or a minicab when you want to go out? It does seem a bit as though your H regards you as more of a domestic appliance than a person - he doesn't appear to have noticed that you are stuck at home all the time.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/05/2019 23:53

So does your dh drive over to your dss's house, on a Monday and Thursday, leave your joint only car there, and then they both walk? Why can't your dss just walk himself? Sorry for all the questions, just trying to work it all out.

Original poster
Anythingbutfootball · 29/05/2019 00:18

DH takes the car Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and for 4 hours on a Saturday, time varies due to KO.
Back at 9 on a Wednesday, 8 on Monday/Thursday, 10/11:30 on a Friday.
I think buying a 2nd car is an extreme solution to be honest.

OP posts:
araiwa · 29/05/2019 00:31

So he trains once a week and plays once a week

2 nights a week he is with his son

Yabu

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 29/05/2019 02:29

Drop him off and pick him up so you can have the car rather than it just sitting in the car park at the football.

Babysharkdododont · 29/05/2019 02:40

Stop being a martyr and find a work around.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 29/05/2019 03:32

Football season is over

Not in ireland, norway or australia given that this is a late night discussion in the UK is it very hard to limagine that OP lives else where.

But yes OP if you insist on sharing a car i think you're going to have to gove your other half a lift so you can use the car while their at training, or you invest in a small run around for you if you can afford it

Skittlesandbeer · 29/05/2019 04:12

Second car, and second life as well, to be frank.

I think you need to get busy with your own interests outside the home. Stop pushing for him to make time for you, start being unavailable yourself.

Keep to your half of household jobs, and no more.

I suspect some men only understand ‘running out of clean socks and snacks’ and ‘hey, where is that woman who lives here, I feel like a cuddle’.

Yes of course it’s reasonable that you want time with your partner, and attention and caring. But you didn’t pick that guy. You picked a guy who is very clear about his priorities, and that you’re somewhere outside the Top 5. So your choices seem to be ‘resign yourself’ or build a seperate life that gives you some/all of the things your partner can’t/won’t give you. I suspect he’s too far gone for counselling or ultimatums, etc. Sorry.

Original poster
Anythingbutfootball · 29/05/2019 05:56

I wouldn't say I'm being a martyr, out of roughly 30 days in a month football takes up 20. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for one less a month.
I have my own life, interests, hobbies and career. Sometimes it would be nice on a Friday to meet DH for a drink after work or go late night shopping on Thursday?
I can't drive DH and pick him up as I don't get home in time from work. Guess I'll just need to suck it up and wait until sep.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 29/05/2019 06:04

It sounds like you need two cars

Have you asked him about cutting back the football?

AnyFucker · 29/05/2019 06:04

This is why many families have 2 cars

Original poster
Anythingbutfootball · 29/05/2019 06:18

We absolutely don't need 2 cars for 1 night a month. The car we have doesn't get used enough, it's not used to commute - just to and from sport, groceries, shops at weekend.

OP posts:
Damntheman · 29/05/2019 06:20

Why is everyone so okay with a man's hobby taking up 5 out of 7 days of every week, leaving his wife without any attention or ability to go out?

A PP said it earlier but I am relieved I did not marry a football enthusiast. This would drive me insane.

boobirdblue · 29/05/2019 06:20

Why is it one night a month only? TBH the football is a red herring he's seeing his. DS two nights a week, if they went to Nando's or football is irrelevant.

Ilovetolurk · 29/05/2019 06:24

Does he still have the same nights’ football training in half term and school holidays? I get your frustration but that bit of it is a commitment. Eased in my case by a lighter training schedule when not at school or in the season.

Original poster
Anythingbutfootball · 29/05/2019 06:32

He sees DSS on top of the football, that's additional to his access pattern. So not just 2x a week for football (to be clear)

OP posts:
Bodear · 29/05/2019 06:38

As pp have said there is one night a week, Saturday afternoon and Sunday free. If all you want is 1 night a month why can’t you use one of those times.
Also echoing others I think a 2nd car would help. You seem fed up at being left alone so much but then say 1 night per month would solve it? I’m a bit confused.

AnyFucker · 29/05/2019 06:39

I have clearly misunderstood then. I was under the impression you were stuck without a car several times a week Confused

I agree about the football though. I couldn't be with a man with such a time wasting hobby.

amy85 · 29/05/2019 06:40

Why is everyone so okay with a man's hobby taking up 5 out of 7 days of every week, leaving his wife without any attention or ability to go out?

But his hobby isn't taking up 5 days....his hobby takes up 2 days...the other 3 days are for his son...

There is still plenty of time in the week for date night, quality time together

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.