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Original poster

WWYD about wedding guests?

53 replies

DaisiesAndCompasses · 28/05/2019 13:08

I'm newly engaged Grin and we've started talking guest lists, budgets, venues etc.

I'm orphaned, no surviving family. I had a selection of foster homes growing up, but didn't stay in touch with any long-term because I felt a bit rejected at the time that nobody wanted to adopt me. For that reason, I jumped around schools/the country a lot.

I have a circle of 6 - 7 close friends, although 2 wouldn't be able to make the wedding. They do tend to have families/kids now, so I could probably make it look like I had 14/15 people...

DP has a pretty big family (who are all lovely!) and I think we'd probably have to invite at least 40 people from them. Then he's got maybe 5 - 6 people who I don't know well, and then we have mutual friends that we see quite often but who know him first - maybe 8 or so.

We could marry abroad, somewhere that has meaning to us both - but really all that means is that a lot of his people won't come either, including the elderly part of his family, which feels a bit unfair.

Stick to the plan and try and ignore the disparity? I don't really want to invite acquaintances to make the numbers up on my side, I don't think...

OP posts:
flowery · 28/05/2019 13:10

I normally would always say split 50-50 but in your case I think I’d stick to the plan and ignore the disparity.

Congratulations!

Pootles34 · 28/05/2019 13:11

Stick to the plan. No one bothers with all that one family on one side nonsense anymore, honestly it won't be a problem.

Congratulations btw Grin

spanishwife · 28/05/2019 13:12

My wedding was a bit like this - tiny English family and handful of close friends, and then a huge spanish wedding with step families, millions of cousins etc. On the day everyone mixed and it didn't matter one bit that my side was tiny. Do what you want to do and what will make you happy, don't let this come into it.

MRex · 28/05/2019 13:17

Ask everyone to sit anywhere there's space for the ceremony. My friend's husband has a tiny family so a group of us sat on "his" side plus some of her family sat there too. Another friend had seating anywhere, you've just made me wonder if there was any disparity in numbers, I've no idea. In the wedding you're joining his family, I hope they make you very welcome and happy.

Merryoldgoat · 28/05/2019 13:20

Just ignore the disparity and have a lovely wedding.

BogglesGoggles · 28/05/2019 13:21

Most of the poeople at our wedding were DHs (I’m forgein so most of my people couldn’t make it). It doesn’t matter.

EdithWeston · 28/05/2019 13:24

Congratulations!

I think you have to ignore the disparity.

And it might help you to see his family as your extended family from that day forth

Tonightstheteriyakichicken · 28/05/2019 13:25

Congratulations and please don't worry about the numbers not being close.
(For a laugh we did have a 'My side of the family' picture and 'His side' and let's just say the in-laws way outnumbered my lot).

Piffle11 · 28/05/2019 13:29

I wouldn't worry. At our wedding I think 12 guests accounted for my friends (4 of whom were the partners of my friends) and DH's friends accounted for twice that amount. Same with family: MIL has a large family and invites them all to big events (even if she doesn't speak/see them very often) and my family circle is very small. It really didn't matter at all.

mindutopia · 28/05/2019 13:29

Yes, of course, why would it matter if one of you had more invitees? Surely, you just invite the people you want to be there. It's fine if one of you doesn't have as many of those people. You're joining your families and social circles, so I can't see why it would matter.

I like you have almost no biological family, only one surviving parent, no other family relationships, only child. My only family member at my wedding was my mum. My dh comes from a huge family (about 40 family members just including siblings, aunts/uncles, cousins who he is close to, not even distant relations). I am an immigrant and all my lifelong friends do not live in the UK, whereas my dh is British and has a large circle of friends here. So our wedding was about 80% of my dh's family and friends, as I have almost no living family and most of my friends from my home country couldn't afford the long haul travel to be there. It was fine. His family and friends are now my family and friends. It seemed perfectly normal and it never would have occurred to me that it wasn't.

Robin2323 · 28/05/2019 13:34

Been ti tons of wedding.
It won't matter.
Sometimes we would get told 'bride has a small family' as an explanation, and thought 'oh, ok all perfectly normal.
Have a lovely day x

Peanutbutterforever · 28/05/2019 13:38

Do whatever you both feel right.

How about you 'elope' to somewhere gorgeous/ or local and then have a box mixed up guests blessing/ party?

Congratulations!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/05/2019 13:42

Really wouldn't worry about the disparity.

I got married to an Aussie, in the UK. 90% of the guests were my friends and family - his mum, aunt and a family friend came over, plus his brother and cousin. That was all of DH's family - and he had one friend to the day, and one friend to the evening.

No one cared, least of all DH - it was a lovely day and everyone got on well, even the ones who didn't handle excessive alcohol well.

ELM8 · 28/05/2019 13:46

I would stick to the plan.. we had an imbalance as well - at the church we asked people to mix up so it wasn't an "us and them" type thing.

Congratulations Smile

iklboo · 28/05/2019 13:47

I had 9 on my side of the family at our wedding - including my parents. DH has about 30 and the rest were mutual friends. We didn't do a 'bride's side / groom's side split for the ceremony and just told everyone to sit where they liked.

Don't worry about the difference and enjoy your day.

ACurlyWurly · 28/05/2019 13:49

we hung signs on the end of the rows of seating telling people to pick a seat not a side. Was a little twee but meant that both sides were filled evenly and there was no us and them.

Coldilox · 28/05/2019 13:50

It never occurred to me to separate our guests into “sides” as it were. It really doesn’t matter.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/05/2019 13:50

Mix people up for ceremony, it’s fine. Worked ok for Harry and Meghan.

Twickerhun · 28/05/2019 13:51

Your situation sound just like mine, we invited a whole load of my husbands friends and family to be my honorary guests and told them all they had to sit on my side and cheer really loudly at (mostly appropriate) moments to make my side seem to be the most fun side....

Purpleartichoke · 28/05/2019 13:53

Wedding guests should be equal to the extent that you stop the list at cousins or 3rd cousins or whatever on both sides. The whole point of the wedding is that you are joining one another’s families. Sides don’t matter.

ElephantsEatEggs · 28/05/2019 13:53

We've been to a wedding where we were told to sit wherever we wanted.

The front 5 or 6 rows were reserved for family members of the bride and groom the rest was a free for all. Worked beautifully.

Invite who you want to, as long as the venue and your budget can accommodate the numbers. We had a small wedding 20 years ago, just 30 people in total. Did everything we wanted, our way. It was bliss.

theemmadilemma · 28/05/2019 13:54

Stick to the plan. While my marriage didn't last, there was a huge disparity in numbers, my family was tiny and I have a small and close circle of friends. He had a huge family and loads of friends. It ended up probably about 30/80%. But it was fine and I everyone just joined in and had fun.

Allhailthesun · 28/05/2019 13:58

Congratulations. It’s all about you becoming one family anyway so it doesn’t really matter.

It’s really important to remember you can make the wedding your wedding. You can do as little or nothing of the traditions. No guests cares if you have a top table or sweetheart table for example as long as they have lots food and drink and aren’t made to hang around.

mbosnz · 28/05/2019 14:04

Because there'd already been a wedding on DH's side of the family that year, only his immediate family attended ours - so that was a grand total of seven. My side was 38.

Ignore the disparity - they happen for all sorts of reasons! Just share the day with the people you both love, and who love you. I hope very much you will be very happy together.

cakecakecheese · 28/05/2019 14:06

Let's get together a coachload of Mumsnetters for your side Grin

But really it doesn't matter how many people are there from your 'side' as long as you have the people there you want. You could always get someone to be an usher to ensure that people fill up the venue evenly.

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