AIBU or was Butlins just terrible...?

[longingformyoldlife]

So I split from my (D?)H a year ago now. It's been a horrible year but I'm fairly independent and have tried to carry on as best I can, this includes taking my 2 kids (8 & 2) on holiday when I can. Pre-breakup I really used to prioritise holidays and we'd usually go skiing and abroad to a beach type holiday most years, with a few weekends away now and again. This was mainly instigated by me and travelling was always something I enjoyed.

I took them to Cornwall in the Easter holidays and had a relatively good time, albeit fairly lonely. So considering that went well, I decided to book a weekend at Butlins this weekend so there would be lots to do.

It's been awful, I've spent the whole weekend feeling totally, crushingly lonely. I left a day early as I just couldn't spend another night sitting on my own and pretending to enjoy the Mr Potato Head show for the sake of the kids.

I've come home now and for the first time since it's all been over I feel like I've lost my whole life. I feel like nothing will ever be exciting anymore and there is nothing to look forward to other than cleaning, work and looking after the kids.

Either tell me I'm being spoilt and unreasonable, tell me I am being depressive or tell me any stories where you've enjoyed a holiday just you and the kids - that would be really appreciated! I was going to try to book a week away in the summer up until now and now all I can think is that that it's a terrible idea...I have visions of sitting by the pool crying into a margarita!

It's hard. There's no escaping it. I understand as I've been there too.

Ultimately it takes longer than you expect to get used to life on your own again. I was with my ex husband for 10 years and although I was the one that decided to leave it was a huge adjustment. There was MANY an evening I spent crying by myself.

I can say is be kind to yourself - it takes time. You will ultimately be happier without him in your life even if it doesn't feel like that right now.

It sounds the issue is feeling lonely, rather than Butlins. Can you go on holiday with family or friends? Bluestone is similar to centre parcs but cheaper, and they have big lodges you can hire.

It’s hard being a single parent, and even harder on holiday as everyone is with someone else, or that how it feels.

I did a week on my own last year and found it too long to be on my own with just the dc’s. There was also lack of internet so I also felt isolated as well.

This year I’m just doing a few day

I was the kid in this situation except my parents were together and miserable - I remember our Butlins, Pontins and even Disney World holidays as depressing and lonely and there were tears, arguments and misery all round that we were failing at being a happy family. Being surrounded by seemingly happy families only highlighted how miserable we were.

It’s not your fault and well done for trying to make the most of things. You sound like a brilliant mum who puts her kids first.

Is there anyway that in future you could go on a break with extended family or friends? It seems like you need some more adult company as well as something/someone to occupy the kids and take the pressure off you to make everyone happy.

That’s tough for you. I went to Butlins a few years ago and absolutely hated it. I was just awful. I have been to Haven a few times which is similarly priced and it was really good. I can’t speak for all the sites but the one we go to is a million times better than Butlins. Also, why not consider a budget hotel (Premier Inn is the best by far) in a lovely seaside resort or an interesting city?

My friend who is a newly single Mum now goes on holiday with her parents and her adult brother and his girlfriend. She has a great time with some adult company and her daughter gets spoiled rotten by all the grown ups.

Try Single with Kids holidays, it makes a big difference when you have some mums to have fun with and the kids all entertain each other too. Butlin’s is fun; but can be lonely if you’re the sole parent 🙃

I totally get it. Butlins can generally be hell anyway! I haven't got anyone to go on holiday with so found the less family style holidays, the better. Holiday villages through TUI were hell and lonely but places like Mark Warner where the childcare was fantastic meant I got to meet other people so wasn't alone.

I'm a bit like you @JoMalones , I don't really have anyone to go with for various reasons. That's a good tip about the family holidays... Cornwall was good because it was a house and we could do nice things in the day, then I could relax at night. I just felt really conspicuous at Butlins, more so when one of the red coats obviously came over to take pity on me!

It's just hard, as it's the right thing that our marriage is over but we always used to have lovely holidays. I'm really sad that all that is in the past.

Just remember this, there will be time where you can enjoy a new relationship, hopefully a wonderful one with new prospects and adventures.

Take this time to re-connect with yourself and learn to love you and your company. Things will get better.

Butlins is really awful.

My first big holiday on my own with my 4DC was a mixed bag,I really wanted to go on my own with my DC but my Mum really wanted a holiday and really pushed to come with us so she did.

I wished I'd said no,my Mum was a panicker and could be very highly strung and I'm just not like that thankfuly.

But me and my DC all still have lovely memories of the holiday.

Your DC will grow and you will start to feel like your more on holiday with friends as they get older,that's how I feel with my oldest DC now,were able to have a good laugh together and we talk about alsorts now,politics,philosophy,religion ect,just like you'd talk to your friends.

Also unless you want to stay single there's nothing to say that you won't have a partner again in the future to go on holiday with.

Until then have you got any friends or family that you could go away with?

My kids love Butlins, I like it because they love it.

The issue here isn't Butlins. Hope you're ok.

I have a similar age so the difficulty in needing to entertain very different ages is tricky. Can you holiday out of school holidays? This was a revelation for me and I found it so much more relaxing (and could get a lot more for my money).

Hmmm not really. I've got lots of good friends but they all work hard and want to spend their holiday time with their family. I know what you mean about them getting older, my 8 year old is actually good company and if it was just the two of us, I'm sure we'd have a good time. The 2 year old is the usual amount of hard work though. Delightful in moments and then full of paddy's, 'no' mummy's and running off with a big devilish grin on her face - exhausting!

I’d be sad too if i had to watch the mr potato head show every night!

Just wanted to say good on you for still taking your kids away. I have enjoyed a few haven type holidays myself but i can see how it may be depressing with no-one to laugh about some of the erm...things that seem exclusive to these types of holidays! I think if you booked something abroad it would be different as you’d be in the sun and the hotels usually have something different on every night or you can go to the entertainment at different hotels.

Hope you have a better time on your next holiday.

That's why I took them @babysharkah - I just wasn't expecting the wave of misery to hit! I don't wasn't expecting amazing but didn't think I'd walk around trying to choke back tears. It's really not like me either!

Also recommend the Mark Warner and Neilson active holidays - brilliant kids activities in different age groups, plus social tables for adult dining where it’s easy to interact with others in a low key way, also get to know other adults easily via the classes....yoga, cycling, kayakking, sailing, volleyball....

I'll be honest I went away with the kids on my own once - the evenings tended to suck - then I met up with another mum at my kids school and her friend and spent evenings with them and their kids - that was then alright

Weirdly enough we'd gone somewhere 100 miles from home - her daughter is the year between my girls but they were all friendly - but all worked out well

I hear you OP - I'm off camping tomorrow with my 3rd and her mate - normally go with mates but it's just me and I know it will be lonely

I've packed wine and dvd's!

I try and holiday in places where we can meet other families - I find Eurocamp good - made friends every year we've been

Try and make some 'pamper' time as part of the holiday - take book, snacks, wine and use the time they are asleep to do some self care x

It's bloody hard - hugs x

I was considering that @JoMalones

The age difference is a bit tricky at these ages, although my DS is great with my DD. Maybe out of usual holiday time is the way to go

oh and my oldest 2 are teens now and it gets better - you have a bit more company

The feeling conspicuous was the trouble. It highlighted your single status when you can usually ignore it in a "home environment".

Perhaps stay away from evening entertainment involving crowds. Villas, normal hotels or b&b's might be the way to go.

I have been a single mum for 3 years, we go on holiday in the uk several times a year and although it’s nice to get away it is incredibly lonely, evenings are the worst as the kids are tired by 8pm leaving me sat on my own. Most other people seem to be couples with their kids. It does get easier as they get older, my kids are now teens she my eldest can be good company. I enjoy my life being single, it has many benefits.

It's full of everyone having a good time and smiley families.

Probably not the best place to go when you're feeling depressed.

You won't have been the only, single parent there making the best of it. It will have just looked that way.