AIBU or was Butlins just terrible...?

[longingformyoldlife]

So I split from my (D?)H a year ago now. It's been a horrible year but I'm fairly independent and have tried to carry on as best I can, this includes taking my 2 kids (8 & 2) on holiday when I can. Pre-breakup I really used to prioritise holidays and we'd usually go skiing and abroad to a beach type holiday most years, with a few weekends away now and again. This was mainly instigated by me and travelling was always something I enjoyed.

I took them to Cornwall in the Easter holidays and had a relatively good time, albeit fairly lonely. So considering that went well, I decided to book a weekend at Butlins this weekend so there would be lots to do.

It's been awful, I've spent the whole weekend feeling totally, crushingly lonely. I left a day early as I just couldn't spend another night sitting on my own and pretending to enjoy the Mr Potato Head show for the sake of the kids.

I've come home now and for the first time since it's all been over I feel like I've lost my whole life. I feel like nothing will ever be exciting anymore and there is nothing to look forward to other than cleaning, work and looking after the kids.

Either tell me I'm being spoilt and unreasonable, tell me I am being depressive or tell me any stories where you've enjoyed a holiday just you and the kids - that would be really appreciated! I was going to try to book a week away in the summer up until now and now all I can think is that that it's a terrible idea...I have visions of sitting by the pool crying into a margarita!

YABU to be surprised you felt miserable at Butlins , awful place!

It does get easier the older they get .

My first holiday with DC after split was renting a cottage in France - driving there etc
I got off the ferry and thought OMG what have I done I was so lonely and scared
It was fine - we had fun despite a few tricky times
One holiday I ended up n hospital with broken elbow
Went from strength to strength
I vividly remember our first holiday by plane (to Venice) DS came out
Another holiday to Canaries DD decided to end it with her DP and there was a lot of fall out
They are now 26 and 28 and we still choose to go away together at least once a year without our partners/friends! It’s fab
2 weeks n counting
Already planning a city break for january
We are incredibly close - I think mainly due to being a lone parent family - it rocks

I used to love taking mine to Premier Inn and we went to various cities in Scotland. The staff were always lovely and friendly, incredibly helpful when anything went wrong (including illness) and I have some sweet memories of a weekend in Aberdeen where I came back to discover the cleaner had made the children’s beds and arranged all their soft toys so they looked like they were waiting for us to come back.

Good castles to explore in Scotland too. The children used to run around while I explored more slowly (in earlier times with a push chair).

Hope you find something you love.

Perhaps you could try a company that specialises in holidays for single parents e.g. Mango. Not cheap but they were great for DD and I, although some years ago.

My tips for lonely breaks are premier Inn city breaks. Everyone's too busy to be lonely and you can either have Uber delivery to the hotel for tea or sit in the restaurant.

Theme park breaks. Ditto city, very full on, busy all day and then crash into bed.

We stay in Liverpool a lot, it has it all. Day at Southport, day in Liverpool itself going round all the museum's and riding the ferries. Day on the coast, west Kirby for the statues, New Brighton etc etc, maybe Chester for the zoo and touristy stuff if I'm feeling flush. It really has it all. And so close by and accessible.

I found it much better to be in a self catering apartment where I could put them to bed and then have the living room to myself to read or watch telly rather than being cooped up in one space all together. I remember one beautiful apartment in Spain in particular where we were right on the front but in a quiet area and I would spend the evenings on the balcony watching the moon on the sea, completely relaxed, warm breeze, kids asleep after days on the beach, just gorgeous evenings at peace with the world.

I took my two (aged 9 and 11) to a Greek island in the October half term a year ago and it was really lovely, they were great company, we all relaxed round the pool and did a couple of trips too.

I couldn't have imagined that when they were tiny and think you have been really brave.

Oh yeah and on the next block along there was a restaurant where they had a guy who would sing and play guitar, not too loud, nice trad Spanish stuff, so I even had a soundtrack to my balcony evenings. If my ex had been there he'd have been yakking on at me but instead I got to contemplate all the nice things we'd done and plan what we were up to the next day, just looking at the moon on the sea and listening to Spanish guitar.

@longingformyoldlife going out of term time meant being able to afford a suite, so I didn't have to cook or clean but still had space to myself at night. I'm trying to find a holiday for myself and 2 year old whilst older ones are away the first 2 weeks of summer - sometimes putting 2yo in as an adult works out cheaper as they think 2 children or an adult and a child won't share a room.

Could you afford something abroad with kids clubs like Neillsons? T-I've been on them and actually not really my thing but there is CONSTANT entertainment for adults and kids of very high quality - they have nannies/ childcare - like, actually really really good childccare, not just a crap kids club.

You can leave your children and babies of any age with fully qyalified nannies / etc - they do evening babysitting/ evening kids club -

I met single parents who were there - and enjoying it - people were very friendly. I think people spend money on these holidays and part of the deal is being sociable so people are chatty.

I went on a pre-booked Haven holiday 1 month after I split from exH and ended up coming home a day early. It had been in the same caravan we'd rented the year before. Even though our previous holidays were hardly a barrel of laughs (because of ex's grumpiness) and I'd been on countless holidays of just me and my kids before I met exH, it was just all too much.

Go easy on yourself. It DOES get easier and you WILL have great holidays again. We've been on holiday every year since, the kids love it, I love it, it's bliss.

And it will be for you too. Just chalk this one up to experience. It will become a distant memory soon. Don't look back, the future is filled with possibilities.

I also think you are a great mum for doing this - it's a grief for the old life and probably wherever you were would be like that.

I have to say I think if I was going to take my kids away alone I would do so only if there would be adults to chat to when I wanted to in the evening - I am sure there are various holidays that would fit - perhaps be realistic while they are little you are going to want someone to have a glass of wine with once they are in bed.

What about taking another adult with you in future? Do you still have your mum around, or perhaps a sibling?

By the way, Butlins or Haven are crap enough as a couple so it's no reflection on you! Or what about a Canvas / Eurocamp safari tent type arrangement? That way your DCs can socialise without you being stuck at a table in some sticky-carpeted clubhouse.

That's how I felt @Mumsymumphy , I've been on lots of holidays before just me and my DS, this just felt different.

Will definitely take on board all of your comments and suggestions, maybe just take it easy this year too and do the odd city break. I like the idea of Scotland and doing a bit of a tour there.

Neilson sounds good too, although it obviously is a loneliness/grief for old life issue, as my immediate thought is I don't want to put my DD in a club, I'd just like someone to share her with and smile with me at her enjoying her first holiday memories.

I think Butlins is very depressing in itself let alone on your own. I ended up depressed after a few days there too although it was many years ago.

longingformyoldlife thats tough....i was a single parent with my eldest and it was lonely....would go home alot to spend time with family. I dont think I could have coped with a butlin type holiday which is very family orientated..its like rubbing salt....you sound like a good mum...your doing the best for your kids. Scotland is a lovely place for a break but I am biased as I am one and have travelled all over. However you can hire a cottage and truly feel away from it all which I do every year..

Ah, OP, holidays post-split are always a bit shit. I still have to take the DC to the same place we always went with ExP, and the first year was utterly horrendous. Three weeks of 'but we ALWAYS do this/Dad always took us there'. I think I cried every day, and have never felt so alone.

It's taken us time, but now we have a different routine when we go, and whilst it's probably not as much fun, it's our new normal. And trust me, it does get easier the older they are. One day you'll look back and think 'how the hell did I cope then??'

Gingerbread are a charity specialising in single-parent families. I think they organise holidays, so you'd have other people in the same situation with you. www.gingerbread.org.uk/

Butlins,is What it is ,plenty of entertainment for the kids and including shows in the evening yes it can be loud and brash at times but most kids seem to love it ,you can't compare it to holidays you have been on previously, there's an awful lot of snobbery on here about Butlins, and having been twice I agree it's not everyone's cup of tea neither is it calm and relaxing ,but there's loads to do.

I think the issues are in your head not with the place, and I mean that kindly.

When we went to Butlins there were loads of single parents there and no one was pitying them. DH and I had to split off most of the time as our different age children wanted to do different things anyway.

Be kind to yourself and don't expect to find it all easy from the outset, but you will get there.

I love holidays with just my dds but I’m someone who is happy with my own company and I understand not everyone is like that. I would love the idea of single parents holidays so the kids would have someone to play with though and mums could have adult time. The ones I’ve seen advertised though have such limited options.

I tend to go to places with kids clubs if I can so dds are amused and I can have me time. Skiing would actually be an excellent choice once your youngest is a little older.
to the op. Hope you sort something you like

Im really confused as to how the issue is Butlins? The place is amazing, completely kid orientated...
Yes it can be lonely of a night If your kids are in bed but surely no difference to being at home??
Very confused. Sorry your feeling shite though