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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite no partner

62 replies

doggymom23 · 27/05/2019 16:44

Been invited to colleague’s wedding 300 miles away and no invite for my husband (understand that numbers can be limited). I know one other person going to wedding who lives locally to venue. AIBU to decline invite when it will cost me £200 to get there plus 2 nights’ hotel and gift? I would always give £100 for full day invite but tempted to give less as only me invited.

OP posts:
NicciLovesSundays · 27/05/2019 17:49

Use the money to do something nice with your partner, unless you are very close to your colleague and actually want to go to the wedding.

Original poster
doggymom23 · 27/05/2019 17:50

DH definitely not invited as after invites were received (when I was surprised to see my name only) she said we’re sorry we can’t invite your DH numbers are tight (kinda wish I’d been given a heads up before invites were sent)

OP posts:
S1naidSucks · 27/05/2019 17:53

@s1naidSucks yes they want money for honeymoon... she gave me a £10 photo frame for my wedding 😂 we didn’t have a gift list though

Yup. I thought there would be money involved. You’ll be expected to cover your plate, part of the money you pay for your room will go towards their stay AND you’ll have to give a decent sum of money. Sly fucks are trying to use their wedding to pay for their honeymoon.

Send her a £10 gift voucher for sun cream. 😁

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/05/2019 17:55

kinda wish I’d been given a heads up before invites were sent)
Why? What difference would it make?

AlwaysCheddar · 27/05/2019 17:57

Just decline! Say you’re away that weekend or something. And send them a photo frame too!

billy1966 · 27/05/2019 17:58

Wouldn't dream of going.
Send a nice card wishing her well and a bottle of something when you next see her.

honeyrider · 27/05/2019 18:01

It's an invitation not a summons, I think most people would decline so don't worry about doing so

DoodleWorm · 27/05/2019 18:03

I wouldn't be bothered about DHs lack of invite. Especially a colleague who doesn't know him. If you invite the partners and children of everyone it can get ridiculous.

The other stuff would probably make me politely decline though.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 27/05/2019 18:06

I can understand why she's not inviting colleagues' partners. But I wouldn't spend that kind of time/money if my DP wasn't invited. Would happily go to a wedding on my own which was closer and cheaper to attend

Original poster
doggymom23 · 27/05/2019 18:12

Yeah absolutely, not bothered at all about the no partner thing but just not keen to travel so far myself at such a big cost. If DH was invited we’d make a weekend of it and do other stuff as well as wedding. Appreciate all your comments.

OP posts:
Kisskiss · 27/05/2019 18:13

Don’t feel bad declining... you have lots of good reasons not too.. it is far and it would cost a load you’ll know only one other person etc.
Re the gift, I’d just send a bottle of wine. That’s gonna be better than what she gave you anyway!

TheAverageJuror · 27/05/2019 18:15

I think it's actually quite rude not to invite a husband.

LazyLizzy · 27/05/2019 18:17

They expect a present, not your presence Wink

Xyzzzzz · 27/05/2019 18:21

Tbf I didn’t invite partners/people I didn’t know of colleagues but I wasn’t expecting people to travel so far either. They were all from the same town.

supersop60 · 27/05/2019 18:24

I wouldn't spend that much on a colleague's wedding. Don't feel bad about not going - save the money for a nice w/e away with your DH.

Nanny0gg · 27/05/2019 18:24

I find wedding invitations without OHs so rude. It says "come celebrate my love whilst I disregard yours".

No issue when it's work colleagues. Same for the invitation only being for the evening.

Different when it's friends of a couple.

PurpleDaisies · 27/05/2019 18:30

It’s a long way to go and expensive. I expect there’ll be lots of declines.

Not inviting the husband of a work colleague is absolutely fine.

Ragwort · 27/05/2019 18:32

Even if my DH was invited there is no way I would travel 300 miles for a wedding, just decline gracefully and send a (small) gift.

yikesanotherbooboo · 27/05/2019 18:34

There is nothing wrong with declining. I would have to be a close friend or family to spend that amount on a wedding weekend without my DH or DC.

ltk · 27/05/2019 18:36

It's not a summons. Send your regrets, a card and a gift that costs £20 or less.

firstimemamma · 27/05/2019 18:39

I got invited to a wedding and wasn't allowed to bring my fiancé - I declined. Yanbu

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 27/05/2019 18:39

I wouldn't go and would politely decline but also say that it's because you don't want to travel solo - maybe I'm getting too old but I can't be bothered with lying these days and think people don't learn that they are behaving wrongly unless someone is prepared to tell them the truth - you'll be doing her a favour if her numbers are that tight

Pipandmum · 27/05/2019 18:42

I would always invite the partner no matter what distance! Casual boyfriend, no. But as this is a work colleague not a close friend then decline.

Original poster
doggymom23 · 27/05/2019 18:43

100% telling the truth as it’s really down to the cost (that I need to fork out for me only, rather than me and hubby having joint weekend away together). Will send gift, I don’t mind giving money but maybe £50 as I’m not spending what I would’ve done on travel

OP posts:
Sindragosan · 27/05/2019 18:48

Local weddings colleagues are generally invited to the evening, sometimes with, sometimes without partners depending on numbers, but usually enough are going that you wouldn't be lonely.

You may have been invited out of politeness as she was at your wedding, but not particularly wanted, hence no invite for husband despite the distance.