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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday feels ruined and I feel so sad

34 replies

ohh · 27/05/2019 14:22

Hello, it was my birthday yesterday. A I lost my mum five years ago my birthdays are always just me and my family including step dad at our home enjoying the day etc.

We were actually doing a bit of DIY this weekend but 11 year old son was ill, trip to hospital, saw my birthday morning in A&E so felt a bit knackered, worried etc.

In the morning my husband said we had been invited to a local neighbour as it was his birthday party, they were having a bbq. We are only like neighbours saying hello when we pass, chat a bit outside if walk past etc.

I am aware that the man is a lech and his girlfriend my husband fancies.

I did not want to go as the children;17, 15 and 11 wanted us to stay together all be it in separate rooms! I hadn't myself been invited and tried to explain to husband that it was a casual invite text, probably more a 'we might make some noise' warning.

He said he will take a card around spend 30 mins top and then come back to finish the bit of DIY and help cook the roast.

3 hours later, he hadn't taken his phone I messaged the woman to ask if Myles was alright.

She texted back, want to join us we have all alcohol and shots etc. i politely said 'no thank you as i'm in the middle of cooking the roast' , which I was.

Then 40 mins later the neighbours turned up supporting Myles (his arm was around the woman) and they were all paralytic. Shouting happy birthday song to me.

I was shocked, stunned upset and pissed off. As were the children, but they thankfully saw the funny side as he promptly fell asleep on the sofa.!

I was very hurt, upset and still am I cannot shake the feeling.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PutyourtoponTrevor · 27/05/2019 14:23

All very dramatic!

Jimmy2345 · 27/05/2019 14:25

No YANBU, he should have been with you.
Have you used yours DH real name in this? If so you might want to ask MN to edit it out.

Hadalifeonce · 27/05/2019 14:25

To be fair, I think I would have gone to the BBQ with him.

Herocomplex · 27/05/2019 14:28

Nope, it’s all very well having a quiet birthday if that’s what you choose, but basically you were neglected. If your DP wanted to enjoy himself he should have done something nice with you and the DC’s.
Can you tell him? Or would that just make it worse?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/05/2019 14:29

Urgh! What a prick he is. He should’ve stayed at home with you to celebrate your birthday. Does he normally get so drunk when he drinks?

fecketyfeck21 · 27/05/2019 14:32

your dh fancies the girlfriend ?? no wonder he wanted to go, i'd be more concerned about that than your birthday tbh.
hope your ds is okay .

LagunaBubbles · 27/05/2019 14:32

I hadn't myself been invited

So it was only your DH invited to the BBQ?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 27/05/2019 14:34

This all seems really odd... but I'd delete your husbands name.

NoBaggyPants · 27/05/2019 14:36

I am aware that the man is a lech and his girlfriend my husband fancies.

It's your husband that is the lech.

HennyPennyHorror · 27/05/2019 14:44

his girlfriend my husband fancies

THIS is your issue! Shock

hippoherostandinghere · 27/05/2019 14:49

Who's Myles? Is that your DH. He sounds more or a letch than the neighbour.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 27/05/2019 15:02

I'd be sad too. Your husband has been thoughtless at best.

Listlover · 27/05/2019 15:04

Your husband is a drunk letch. He’s made a show of himself

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 27/05/2019 15:04

Myles is the boozey skeeze who got drunk with neighbours, he’s your problem

DesperateHouseknife · 27/05/2019 15:05

You sound like fun! What are you roasting?

FudgeBrownie2019 · 27/05/2019 15:07

Your DH preferred to spend your birthday with a girl he fancies than with you. That's your problem. And that is the part you need to sort out in order to shake the hurt feeling.

Coyoacan · 27/05/2019 15:18

It sounds like your life has turned into a ritual, where every birthday has to be celebrated exactly as it was the year before. Maybe your husband is fed up with that?

Original poster
ohh · 27/05/2019 15:20

Thank you for your posts. Myles is not his real name its actually our friends dog! I'm sure he wont mind being talked about as he is a showoff!

I think that is the problem is drink

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 27/05/2019 15:23

I think that you should be like your children, and see the funny side of this, it's all that it is, as in a bit stupid. Hope your partner has a hangover,and hope that your roast was good and wasn't spoilt by your low mood.

Littlechocola · 27/05/2019 15:24

Your husband fancies the neighbours girlfriend?

Happy birthday for yesterday. Hope your dc is better now.

Pinkvoid · 27/05/2019 15:24

Your husband is the lech. YANBU at all, he ruined your birthday.

UmpetyLumpety · 27/05/2019 15:31

What has he said now he is sober? Is he really, really sorry and planning to make your birthday up to you?

SavingSpaces2019 · 27/05/2019 15:51

he chose to spend 3 hours getting paralytic with the woman he fancies ....he could have spent that time doing the roast so you could put your feet up on your birthday.
I guess you now know where you are on his priority list.

Getoffamycloud · 27/05/2019 16:00

FGS Lighten up!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 27/05/2019 16:06

Lighten up?
Yes be light about your bf being skeezy drunk ,about your morning in A&E
Women mustn’t ever not be light. Or impose their feelings upon anyone else
Light,yes that’s the thing