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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to New York for five days without my husband and kids?

46 replies

50shadesofknackered · 27/05/2019 14:07

Just that really!
I've finally got round to booking to go to New York with my mum, for five days later this year.
I feel guilty about the kids not going but honestly, they are 11 and 8 so they would get tired and fed up. They will be at home with their dad. (We are also having a family holiday in August to Greece.) Selfishly, I'm really looking forward to going and doing my own thing for a few days. I've managed to get a handle on the guilt (kind of) and I'm really looking forward to it. However, I was just chatting with a colleague about holidays and I mentioned that I am going to New York and she said she doesn't understand why I would go away without my husband and kids! I know this shouldn't bother me but it does and now I feel guilty all over again! Surely, this isn't such an usual thing? I'm not leaving them with a random off the street, they will be at home with their dad. My husband has absolutely no issue with me going by the way and encouraged me to book it, saying I was crazy to be feeling guilty. So AIBU? Surely this happens all the time! I'm pretty sure that this woman wouldn't have said this to my husband if it was the other way around, which pisses me off even more! I wish I'd never mentioned it now! Has anyone else done this and did you get the same kind of comments?

OP posts:
LakieLady · 27/05/2019 14:10

YANBU!

Go and have a great time. Don't take any notice of your colleague.

cheesewitheverything · 27/05/2019 14:11

Just go! It sounds wonderful and you will always remember it. I went for a few days to stay with a friend who was working abroad when my DC were quite little and it was all fine. It didn't really occur to me to feel guilty as I just felt very lucky for the time away.

DramaAlpaca · 27/05/2019 14:12

Of course YANBU! I went away for five days by myself last year, leaving the rest of the family behind. They all coped, I enjoyed my solo break and came back relaxed & re-energised. I did get one or two comments from people who thought it was weird, but I just ignored them. I'm planning to do it again soon.

Sunshine1235 · 27/05/2019 14:13

Sounds amazing! I’m so jealous (maybe you colleague is too) have a wonderful time

Wolfiefan · 27/05/2019 14:14

Unless you’re actually planning on putting your kids in an airport locker until you return then of course it’s fine. Confused
Your husband is presumably an actual adult person?! And no I bet no one would say that to a dad going away.
I’m getting old. My mum is older and one day I won’t have her anymore. Enjoy your precious time together.

milkshak3 · 27/05/2019 14:14

I wouldn't - I rather spend it on a holiday the whole family can enjoy. but I am probably in the minority. my judgement may be clouded by the fact that we cannot really afford holidays and have never been with the DC. so going alone to New York is odd.

Knackeredmommy · 27/05/2019 14:15

Go! Enjoy yourself, they're with their Dad. I bet if he was going nobody would bat an eyelid.

Alsohuman · 27/05/2019 14:15

Go, go, go and have a wonderful time with your mum. I can’t tell you how envious I am.

Peridot1 · 27/05/2019 14:16

Go! I went to NY twice without DH or DS. And I’ve been to Australia for three weeks without them three times. They are fine with it. I see friends and do things they wouldn’t want to do.

Your friend is the odd one imho. But some people don’t like doing things without their partners.

altiara · 27/05/2019 14:18

She’s not going alone, she’s going with her mum.
YANBU OP!! Enjoy yourself.
I went to New York for 5 days without kids but with DH - is that better or worse?!
If you couldn’t afford a family holiday, that would be different.

JoyceDivision · 27/05/2019 14:18

I did it, for a week, it was bloody amazing, forgot I had kids.

When I got back home everyone benefitted - I was happier from a fab break, kids were happier I was back,as was DH.

Do it!!

Ivegotthree · 27/05/2019 14:19

YANBU

Have a great time

EdWinchester · 27/05/2019 14:20

I would feel horrendously guilty too. But we have taken ours to NY several times and at several ages and they loved it so much. It's one of our favourite places to go.

I wouldn't go away without my husband and kids as that's just the way we are. I don't think there's anything wrong with it though, especially if it doesn't stop you all having a family break later. (Plus, going away with my mum would be hell Grin).

Original poster
50shadesofknackered · 27/05/2019 14:20

Thank you everyone. I'm so looking forward to it which makes me feel even more guilty really. However, my husband is a big boy and can take care of his own children for a few days and I'm going to ignore my colleague! I'm lucky to be able to go, it's not something you do every day and I'm going to enjoy it. Maybe she does think I'm odd or perhaps she is jealous, who knows! Women can be so awful to each other can't they!

OP posts:
cstaff · 27/05/2019 14:20

I did this with my sister over 10 years ago and her kids were only 2 and 4 at the time. It was great and while she did feel guilty she had a well needed and well deserved break. Definitely go for it OP and enjoy. New York is fab.

Saavhi · 27/05/2019 14:22

I did the very same thing in March. Had a great time with friends, honestly being there with kids would have been torture. I think time away where you can focus on your own wants and needs is really healthy. No need to feel guilty, your kids will have plenty of trips away from you at some point.

bridgetreilly · 27/05/2019 14:22

The only person's opinion which matters here is your husband's and he's fine with you going. I genuinely don't get why you would feel guilty because some random third party has an opinion about something that is literally none of her business.

Saavhi · 27/05/2019 14:23

I must be a terrible mum as I didn't even feel guilty, just worried that DH would accidentally forget something (he didn't as I married a competent human).

Original poster
50shadesofknackered · 27/05/2019 14:38

Feeling guilty is ridiculous, she just shocked me with her reaction I think! Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Conks · 27/05/2019 14:41

I’d go and wouldn’t feel guilty one bit

Canuckduck · 27/05/2019 14:52

I’ve done similar twice in 3 years and I don’t feel guilty in the slightest. The first time I went I made sure meals were prepared etc and worried a bit. This last time I just went I felt much more confident that everything would be fine. I returned happy and refreshed

LagunaBubbles · 27/05/2019 14:56

going alone to New York is odd

You didn't read the opening post did you?

Heptapod · 27/05/2019 15:09

Not only did I go to NY for six days without DH or DS this Easter, I went with a male friend, which I am reliably informed by Mn is weird and vaguely immoral. Grin

DH is going to Baku for whatever crucial match is on there — though not paying for his flight — and I’m going to a Buddhist retreat centre for a few days in June. We’ll go somewhere all together in August.

I think going away by yourself is crucial, and doesn’t need to be expensive. I walked part of the Pennine Way two years ago, which was marvellous.

Sussexbonfireviking · 27/05/2019 15:15

Well I went away a few times with friends and family for breaks

And I went away with work for 2 months *by choice

Xmasbaby11 · 27/05/2019 15:17

I'm jealous op - have a wonderful time!

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