To tell DP not to stay at his ex's?

[george0pig]

I'll keep it brief. I've never had a relationship with someone with DC's from a previous relationship so I'm not sure if I'd be completely out of order even having anything to say about this, so please help!

DP's DC have asked him to stay at theirs on Xmas Eve, at his ex's.

This doesn't sit right with me at all.
Can I just be told if it's right for it to not sit right with me or is this something I just have to deal with otherwise I'm being selfish?

Would all depend on age of DC. Very young then no issue, 10+ and it’s getting a bit weird.

I can see why they want him for Christmas Eve / morning.

Ultimately - do you trust him? If you do (and I hope you do) then I would try to understand why he’s just trying to give his kids as normal a Christmas morning as possible.

Dating someone with kids is always going to involve compromises!

I think if they’re little and it’s a recent-ish split you have to suck it up a little. He’s their dad, they want to wake up on Christmas morning with him. But also it’s May?

My husband's divorced parents used to reunite at Christmas, usually in the marital bed. Much distress all round come Boxing Day when the inevitable happened. I would not be happy at all OP. Visit for presents, no sleepovers.

How old are his children?

Wow, his dc are really organised forward-planners! How old are they?

@adaline @ReganSomerset 3 - 9

Where would he be sleeping? Presumably a spare room? And how long ago did they split?

I wouldn't be happy if dp did this unless i was also invited. Surely if there's nothing in it and there's no feelings there anymore then there's no reason you can't join him. Perhaps suggest this and see how he reacts.

Will it be their first Christmas since their parents split? If so, I'd be completely fine with this.

When you say that the DC have asked him, are you sure that the ex is happy with the arrangement?

Is this the first Christmas since the split or does he usually stay with them?

Tbh if you trust him then I don't see the harm in it. Christmas should be about the kids and if he and his ex can be amicable enough that the kids can have both parents there Christmas morning that's a good thing.

How long have you been together?

Do you live together? What happened last year?

My parents divorced and we often spent Xmas together but my dad never stayed over once he’d moved out. We’d have found it very confusing!

Bit early to be discussing it? It’s bloody May.

Personally, I’d prefer to keep things as separate as possible with my ex- we’re not together, our children know we’re not so why pretend? But I know not everyone agrees with me.

1)how long have you been together
2) how long has he been living apart from them.

As a person who never had both parents at Xmas I would say as long as the sleeping arrangements are sorted before and there's absolutely no longing feelings from him or his ex then it's fine however he may need a plan moving forward as you may want to spend Xmas morning together in the future and will he have the chance to have his DC some years too.

It's weird, confusing for the kids and doesn't allow anyone to move on.
Most separated / divorced people would politely decline

I wouldn’t be okay with this. I also agree with pp re confusing for the kids.
My parents divorced when I was young and if they had been agreeing to do this type of thing after the split it would definitely have given me hope that they’ll get back together. It’s ultimately not fair on the kids or you imo.

My DM and DF divorced when my siblings and I were aged between 11 - 18. We stayed with my DF and she came up to stay one Christmas, she had a partner of a few years and my parents ended up sleeping together. I have no idea why, they still hated each other and still do.

It was very confusing for us and we weren't small children. That was probably the worst Christmas I've ever had.

There has not been a Christmas when my ex did not try to get into my bed as an added bonus to being a Christmas dad. The rest of the time he hates me and usually there's no contact / discussions are only through solicitors. Sort of a scent marking, "this is still my territory". Just saying.

Bit early to be discussing it? It’s bloody May.
Are you serious? Christmas stuff will be in shops in a couple of weeks.

In the minority’s but I wouldn’t have a problem with this. Kids are little and there’s are so few precious christmas years with the excitement. I can see why he wouldn’t want to miss their reaction to Santa on Christmas Day. She’s his ex for a reason- if you trust him don’t put him in the awkward position of having to choose between you and his kids.

So many variables

• how long have they been separated?
• how old are kids?
• how long have you been together?
• is this a usual arrangement?

Most important question though - why the fuck is this being discussed 7 months in advance???.

OP All go so you stay too? As PPs have said, you've given too little information. Do you like the kids and get on with them? Do they like you? Could he do Christmas Eve and presents and come back? Would you be able to join in with them at any point?

If it was November I could kind of understand this cropping up - but May?

If it's a very recent split then I can sort of understand the 'But what will happen at Christmas Daddy?' Which is a huge thing for young kids.

I'm just puzzled as to why it's arisen now.

I wouldn’t be happy for that to happen