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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so sad re: Ds's party?

45 replies

moita · 25/05/2019 20:26

Probably need a stern word to toughen up but: arranged a party for my DS's 3rd birthday. Invited some mums and their children and was delighted that most said they were free that day. Booked an inflatable and bought party bags. Planned the cake..

It's next Saturday and one by one they are all dropping out. It's got to the point where I'm considering cancelling the entertainment as I'm worried it'll be me and my two children.

I know DS won't remember this but it's been an incredibly tough year so I wanted to celebrate him. Also we are newish to the area. Most of the mums are from his pre-school and know each other. I've struggled previously with making friends and thought I'd cracked it this time Blush

OP posts:
Legoroses · 25/05/2019 20:30

It'll be OK. Loads of people turn up who don't reply. Just assume everyone who has said nothing is coming.

Got anyone else coming? Grannies or aunties?

Your little one week just love having an inflatable and seeing you and a few other special people. Probably doesn't know the name of most of the kids at pre school anyway.

I know it feels scary and horrible, but it will be OK!

Mumofone1593 · 25/05/2019 20:30

No advice, for my son's birthday he only had 2 friends and they had loads of fun, the kids won't understand and if only a few come it can help bond you to their mums, try not to stress and hopefully it will all work out for you

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 25/05/2019 20:30

It would be the end of half term here, is it just that people are going away?

MissEyre · 25/05/2019 20:30
Flowers

A clash with someone else’s party?

Try cancelling and rebooking.
The key is not to show resentment.

CaptainMarvellous · 25/05/2019 20:31

That's really shit, I'm so sorry. I guess people may have made late plans to be away for the half term break? Bit shit though.
How old is your other child? Could you invite some of their friends instead? A 3yo will be fairly oblivious I would've thought

cestlavielife · 25/05/2019 20:31

Parties during holidays I e half term are always tricky. People decide to go away.
He is 3.
As you say you can make it nice for him.
A small party with 2 or 3 friends or cousins will be fine. Keep the inflatable. Much better all for him!

PerfectPeony2 · 25/05/2019 20:33

Oh that sucks. Has he got any cousins he can invite or your family and friends? Even if they’re grown ups. I’d keep the plans in place as I’m sure he’ll still have a good time.

FurrySlipperBoots · 25/05/2019 20:45

Does he have preschool this coming week, so you have a chance to invite others you didn't initially, or is everyone on half term now? It's a shame, but at that age they're easily overwhelmed with too many other children anyway, so he'll probably be happier with fewer!

happybunny007 · 25/05/2019 20:55

Oh god, I wouldn't cancel and rebook, would make you look desperate. I can understand why you feel sad, and this kind of thing is why I would be wary of hosting a party! Is there anyone who hasn't confirmed who might actually be coming, what are your numbers?

MatchSetPoint · 25/05/2019 20:55

Some people are awful at replying, I wrote on here last year about my DS 4th party only 4kids out of 30 turned up, I was devastated, he on the other hand couldn’t of cared less! Kids are happy with just one or two friends. Make sure you don’t show him how disappointed you are!

MrsHormonal2019 · 25/05/2019 20:57

This is the exact reason I don't host parties. Huge expense and hardly anyone turns up anyway. I've only ever taken my son to a handful as I'd rather us all do something as a family on weekends than sit in some cold church hall etc for 2 hours listening to kids scream.

gamerwidow · 25/05/2019 20:57

He is 3 so this matters more to you than him. He will have a lovely day no matter who turns up. It’ll be fine.

gamerwidow · 25/05/2019 20:59

P.s. as others have said , don’t take this to heart, parties in the school holidays are always poorly attended because people go away on break. It’s not you, it’s just the wrong time of year.

WoWsers16 · 25/05/2019 21:02

Oh bless you! Honestly he will love anything you have done for him- and at this age it’s so hard as even tho he will have friends, it’s the parents that will have the plans Not the children not wanting to come. Don’t cancel- if you know others invite them- you have a perfect excuse if you’re new to the area to reach out to others xx

BrendasUmbrella · 25/05/2019 21:16

Can you invite more kids? Neighbours' kids, family? But he's three. As long as a couple of kids turn up he'll have fun.

mcmooberry · 25/05/2019 21:27

I think at that age 3 or 4 children on an inflatable and all sitting round a table having a birthday tea would be perfectly festive. Absolutely get why you would be so upset and disappointed, think it's a bit rude of people to drop out after accepting without a very good reason. See if you can drum up family or neighbours and go ahead would be my advice xx

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/05/2019 21:33

Just go ahead. It will be fine even with just a few kids. Next year just make you book a party, which doesn’t clash with local events and school holiday.

As for the party bag stuff, keep it for next year and do a mix and match.

gamerwidow · 25/05/2019 21:40

I think at that age 3 or 4 children on an inflatable and all sitting round a table having a birthday tea would be perfectly festive.
Yes, having a smaller party might be a blessing, children get really easily overwhelmed at that age. I always used the age of child = number of guests for home parties.

Oriunda · 25/05/2019 21:42

It’s probably due to half term, especially if any of them have older siblings. My son’s birthday falls during half term so I always hold it a week or even 2 later when everyone is back.

Featherstep · 25/05/2019 21:50

Sorry OP that's not nice but it'd be ok with just a couple kids or even just your own friends and family. He'll love being the special birthday child, the inflatable, the cake and the party treats.

I just had my DS's 3rd birthday party and got quite anxious about it for the same reasons, in the end we had 4 sets of friends and their children come and it was the perfect size.

Lizzie48 · 25/05/2019 22:01

I did do parties for my DDs when they were toddlers and then preschoolers, but looking back it wasn’t really worth it as they have no memory of them now. They’re really parties for the parents. We used to invite their cousins and friends’ children.

They’re only really worth doing when your DC have started school. By that time, their friends want to come to their party so you don’t get the no shows (or not so many).

Aridane · 25/05/2019 22:02

That's shitty

Starlight456 · 25/05/2019 22:05

My ds’s Birthday is sometimes over Easter. I have not done it on weekends around school holidays for this reason

kateandme · 25/05/2019 22:17

dont bring it back to it being about you or something your not doing right hun.thats your insecurities coming back to tell you negative stories.most people arent that horrible eh.
people are all over the place oing their own things.they dont always manage to think of the person asking when they are planning outing and going away.
so it might be just your guys.thats ok.make it the best ever!
and keep doing what your doing.dont this this is somethign relfected on you or your ability to make friends.because then you will be going around seeing that and giving that off everywhere you go.

MitziK · 25/05/2019 22:20

From the experience of DD, whose birthday is slap bang in the middle of half term, I'd say book it for the week after, as not only do some people go away, it's not unheard of for a fucking awful parent of a child whose birthday is a full fortnight before to decide to hold their party in half term - and then no fucker has the courtesy to tell you that they've decided to go to the other kid's party. Not even the one whose party it is when DD has invited her as well.

DD didn't mind because I was completely upfront with the other children's parents - I said quite honestly that I'd booked a party and none of her schoolmates had confirmed or declined, even with asking them outright, but I'd found out there was another party the same day that they'd been invited to (which was better than anything I could provide) and, whilst I understood if they didn't want to be 2nd choice, I didn't want DD to have nobody turn up because the Mums all wanted to go to the other child's big house with a pool and bar instead of the place I'd scraped together the money to afford

Nobody took offence; Full attendance, lots of presents, DD had a great time.