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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so sad re: Ds's party?

45 replies

moita · 25/05/2019 20:26

Probably need a stern word to toughen up but: arranged a party for my DS's 3rd birthday. Invited some mums and their children and was delighted that most said they were free that day. Booked an inflatable and bought party bags. Planned the cake..

It's next Saturday and one by one they are all dropping out. It's got to the point where I'm considering cancelling the entertainment as I'm worried it'll be me and my two children.

I know DS won't remember this but it's been an incredibly tough year so I wanted to celebrate him. Also we are newish to the area. Most of the mums are from his pre-school and know each other. I've struggled previously with making friends and thought I'd cracked it this time

OP posts:

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 25/05/2019 22:22

I do feel for you OP. I remember organising a party for my DS and it seemed like one family after another was making an excuse not to come. There were a suspicious number of knock backs and that sort of thing can feel very personal, as if it's something to do with your own lack of social skills, as you say.

I hope you can round up some family members or neighbours plus children, as has been suggested. I don't think it would take many people to make it feel like a party.

Good luck.

tastylancs · 25/05/2019 22:26

OP this happened to me! Think it was DSs 4th birthday - I asked staff to give invitations to his nursery friends as I didn't know the parents and booked the local soft play. But then got hardly any replies, and the ones I got were mostly no. Probably because the parents didn't know who I was either. Still I was a bit sad, had to cancel softplay as minimum was ten and I had maybe six... so sent apologies and explanations to the six and went to center Parcs with family instead. Massively fond memories now.

Your party sounds lovely (better than my meagre effort). Either go for it with just a few children or sod it and celebrate in a different way. Take him on a train, up a tower, see family, picnic, anything you and he will love.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 25/05/2019 22:32

I agree with PP's, a party during any holiday period is risky. My DS has a summer birthday and we usually do his party in September after everyone's back. I think we did do a summer party when he was 3 and had a grand total of two friends who could make it! It was fine, though, we all went swimming and then had a picnic. The children loved it!

Wodkavodka · 25/05/2019 22:36

Keep the inflatable booked! Don't tell your DS that invitations have gone out. If nobody comes, just tell him the inflatable is his for the day. That will still be amazing!

Ithinkthis · 25/05/2019 22:36

I wouldn’t take it personally, people are probably just busy if it’s half term. Although it seems unfair to say yes then cancel, although people book breaks last minute and don’t think a kids party is a big thing to drop out of if they don’t realise what you’ve spent on it.

Sallycinnamon1974 · 25/05/2019 22:39

We get this every year. We have twins born on August bank holiday. Getting people together for a party is a nightmare. It’s a long time after the end of the summer term and people forget, or people go away for the weekend (we don’t blame them). They are 15 now so in the end we started going away on holiday and having a party with friends they made on holiday, wherever that was, from a campsite in the lakes to somewhere in France, just whenever we were. You must have a similar issue, but don’t worry about it, it doesnt mean your child doesn’t have friends. It’s just one if those things,

callmeadoctor · 25/05/2019 22:41

Its half term, of course this happens!!!! Why would you hope for a big turnout on half term?

anothernotherone · 25/05/2019 22:43

I agree with those saying that even if nobody else comes you've hired him a bouncy castle! When you're 3 your own private bouncy castle= best birthday ever!

SayItLoud1 · 25/05/2019 22:52

I feel for you as I’ve been there and it’s hard not to get annoyed however your son will be more than happy to spend the day with his Mum and sibling, that’s what they remember, not the friends at this age.

Witchend · 25/05/2019 23:13

Half term can be dodgy with people deciding to go away at the last minute.
One of mine is half term, and one year the people dropped out like flies and we were down to a small number. So the next year we invited the full class expecting the same, and the whole lot bar one came. Never again!

RaptorWhiskers · 25/05/2019 23:18

I only ever had one birthday party for this exact reason. Even as an adult I don’t dare have a house party in case nobody comes. I’m terrified of what will happen to DS, I don’t think we’ll be taking the risk of organising parties. It’s so devastating when nobody shows up and you realise that nobody actually cares about you.

Original poster

moita · 27/05/2019 07:48

Thank you. Yes stupidly didn't realise it was half-term

OP posts:

IfOnlyIKnewThen · 27/05/2019 08:10

OP same happened to me very recently with my ds 4th birthday. I should have thought about the half term effect because I have a dc in primary school .

Basically only a 1/3 of parents responded and all a part from 1 confirmed. I cancelled the soft play venue and arranged something low key and local with the one child that confirmed. They had a wonderful time and ds is non the wiser about original party plan.

On the plus side, one on one time with this other parent means that I now have someone I can arrange play dates with. Perhaps the same will happen with you if only a couple of children turn up.

For me the worst thing was the lack of responses, not the fact that children couldn't make it. However I don't care now as I genuinely think DS had a better time in the end. Its hard. I feel for you

anothernotherone · 27/05/2019 08:13

moita really it's lucky it happened this year when he's too young to notice - I do hope you're keeping the bouncy castle booking as that plus a cake with candles to blow out will make for the best birthday fun even if it's just him and his sibling, don't tell him anyone else is coming and if anyone shows up it's a bonus, or see if you can round up anyone with suitable aged children you know from anywhere, even if they aren't from DS's nursery, to come along just for an hour for a bounce on the castle and to be there for the cake.

I always had small parties but invested a bit of time beforehand inviting each friend over one by one for a playdate so they felt comfortable with us and the parents knew me at least a tiny bit. For the child who's birthday often falls in a holiday I directly ask his best friends parents about their plans and am clear I'm asking so I can book the party when the friend will be able to come.

We've had years of full attendance at parties that way. It's just part of organising as when the kids are older than 3 it's more important to them that their best friends come than where the party is or what cake they have etc.

Echobelly · 27/05/2019 08:18

I agree not to take it personally, though I think people should not agree to invitations and drop out - it is rude and inconsiderate and seems to be everywhere these days. And as I know what it's like to book a kids' party and find people can't come or to host an adult party where everyone flakes out at the last minute.

IME, people have been good at responding but we did book a party for DD once on a date when loads of people couldn't come - almost all the boys were at a football tournament and several other people had family celebrations that day. My husband did his nut, convinced we'd not made enough effort with DD's social life and therefore parents couldn't be arsed with us, but it was just bad luck! Not had similar problems since.

But everyone has some parties where it doesn't work out, hope it's a one-off.

Itsnotmesothere · 27/05/2019 08:22

Aw. I am worried about this when DS goes to school. DS has not long turned 3, whilst I do have some "mummy friends" for all his birthdays he's just family tea parties and a day out somewhere.

The blessing is that your son is only three, just a baby really, and I can't imagine it will bother him much.

cheesemongery · 27/05/2019 13:23

Bouncy castle? A run around in the garden? Party food and bags? I don't care who's coming I'm going to have a GREAT day!!! That's me as 3 year old (hmm and a 43 year old) . Please don't rebook it just looks odd, see who turns up and you and your son will probably have a much nicer day if it's only a couple of people - less stress and more time to chat to whatever adult is there. Have a lovely day!

Aguamenti · 27/05/2019 17:52

DC's friend had that on their birthday. They had arranged it during holidays but then many people cancelled. They just postponed it to another date when people would be back and could attend. It's not personal. Birthday celebration with others doesn't need to be on the same date. You can have a small family celebration on the date and a slightly bigger party later on.

Aguamenti · 27/05/2019 17:55

We invited quite a few people for DC's birthday. Most couldn't come. We ended up with just two families and at home party. It was much more fun for kids and parents could just sit around and chat with each other. It was more relaxing affair.

EssexGurl · 27/05/2019 18:02

Sorry, but agree about half term potentially causing issues. Both my kids have birthdays that coincide with bank holidays/school holidays. I’ve always planned parties for non-holiday weekends.

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