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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

settle a argument please,i think im right

119 replies

tor8181 · 25/05/2019 20:07

hi settle a disagreement please that my sister and me are having, i think im right

an incident happened to my nieces friends mother last week(shes 6),she took her (small)5 y old to the supermarket(5mins away) without a seat and a passing police car stopped her and gave a fine

my sister thinks we are now going to get stopped as my 8 yold isnt in a seat my argument is hes way to big and its not needed

hes not 9 till end of july hes very very big for just 8 hes 125-130 pounds and 5ft 1 or 2 already(medium bottoms, large tops size 6 shoe)hes not fat just pure solid everywhere he even needs adult gloves

hes never been in a car seat ever as one was never needed as we used to bus every where(he was either in my arms or walked on) or walk and we got a taxi on the odd occasion,then he used to be in a seat belt,we even left the hospital as a newborn in a taxi and he came home in my arms(i know laws have changed in nearly 9 years)

hes been massive since birth(8lb 10 26 inches)and was always in clothes years bigger than his age,6-9 m at birth and it went up and up from there

we got a full time car(his dad passed) just over 2 years ago(son was a few months off 7) and when i googled it he was taller and weighed more than the limit so i never bought one,we have been everywhere in it since then,holidays 2-3 hours away every 6-8 weeks(we love our caravan holidays),day trips out, daily outings shoppingswimming cinema etc and hes never had a problem as he sits in the back with me with the best on properly and his feet touch the floor and the belt rests on his collar bone

my nephew is 6 months older than him, hes small for his age(well way smaller than mine anyway) 4ft 2 or 3 and 60-65 pounds hes been in a car seat from birth and still in a full seat(booster with a back)with plenty of room either side of the seat,his feet still dont touch the floor

my sister thinks that as mine is under 12 he should be in a seat anyway as thats the law but my argument is hes not 8y old sized and we are unusual circumstances as hes classed as a small adult due to size and has been for years,he looks 12 or 13 and if a police man spotted him he would think that as his head comes up way past the window and on the head rest

when we tried my nephew seat without the back his bum and lower body was wider than the seat and it pinched into his skin

i showed her the info on google and shes adamant he still need it as it says under 12 but im right aint i? as hes so big and it pointless as on a seat his head wasnt far off the ceiling

settle a argument please

OP posts:

julensaor · 25/05/2019 23:08

He is a big boy no doubt!

i also have a 6ft 2 14 y old who was 27 inches at birth so i have very long babies and big kids

absolutely, it's outside of normal range but if you have a 14 year old that is over 6ft in height already, then that's just the genetics involved, so people need to stop going on about BMI and all that crap. You are correct he does not need a car seat. (If he does, I do!!)

Your sister just feels guilty and is kind of trying to alleviate her guilt by passing the buck on. It's up to you, stick him on a 15 quid booster to placate her or not but YANBU.

Tinyteatime · 25/05/2019 23:08

A baby can travel in a taxi without a car seat. I actually didn’t know this until my dc was about 2 and had inconvenienced myself several times.

Deadringer · 25/05/2019 23:36

Why the fuck would anyone on here give a shit what weight the ops kid is?

mummmy2017 · 25/05/2019 23:55

You could go in a taxi, with a baby and in your arms... You still can, a 3 year old needs to wear the seatbelt. .
Don't you put a baby in clothing that fits, does size matter?
As too size, if your son does not look fat. Then why worry, he will soon run it off this summer.

OwlBeThere · 26/05/2019 01:03

i really don't understand why bmi for adults and children is different. also at what age is it ok to use the 'adult' one and not the child one?
my oldest daughter is nearly 16. shes 5ft1 and 9st. shes a gymnast so very muscular (she has super defined arm mucles and the beginnings of a 6 pack) she also has very big boobs for her size (her bras are a 28G). she hasn't grown in height for at least 3 years so i think its safe to say she's fully grown...so is she an adult or a child?
as i said shes been this height and weight for about 3 years. when i plotted her on a childs bmi chart it said she was overweight (whilst wearing size 6 clothing and having a 22 inch waist...) but as an adult she was fine. so which is right?

Passthecherrycoke · 26/05/2019 01:13

9stone seems big for 5ft1 whether adult or child? I weigh that at 5ft7 and am a size 10 with 30G boobs.

OwlBeThere · 26/05/2019 01:19

shes not in any way big. shes teeny in fact, but as i say very muscular. shes a competative gymnast and believe me if her weight were an issue her coach would have mentioned it. as an adult its in the 'normal' range, as a child it isn't. like i say i don't know why its different and i'm not at all concerned about her weight or her diet. she trains 5 days a week, she eats a very controlled diet. but as a child she is 'overweight'.

k1233 · 26/05/2019 01:38

Owl I would say it's because you reach max bone density in your twenties. So a 9yo has less dense bones than a 20 year old, so their skeleton would weigh less than that of an adult of the same height. BMI is unreliable for high muscle low body fat people.

As to children's weight, I think a much healthier attitude isn't weight loss but weight maintenance. If they stay at their current weight for a year or two (depending on how overweight of course) then they should normalise. By not forcing them to diet you are doing them the biggest favour you can. Change eating habits for the entire famoly to a healthy lifestyle they can continue with for their whole lives. Don't introduce the concept of good and bad foods and food guilt.

OwlBeThere · 26/05/2019 05:17

Ok, that makes sense! Thanks @k1233

k1233 · 26/05/2019 06:23

Thinking on it more Owl, I'd also hazard a guess children have lower muscle mass than adults. You tend to gain muscle as adolescents, once hormones kick in. We all know 1lb of muscle takes up less space than 1lb of fat. So an adult at 5'2" and 126lb would have more muscle making that up than a child of the same dimensions.

CaptainMarvellous · 26/05/2019 07:02

distancecall nope 6ft 2. He plays basketball and is the same height as many yr11s despite being in yr7

alittleprivacy · 26/05/2019 07:17

OP I’m the same height as your son. I’m 40, I have really big breasts, very muscular arms and legs and I weigh over a stone less than your son. His weight is seriously unhealthy and you need to address it or you are responsible for limiting his life.

GPatz · 26/05/2019 07:41

Please can we have some most posts of adults seriously comparing their statistics to an eight year old boy.

geordieinexileinthebigsmoke · 26/05/2019 08:16

Yep the OP didn't ask for advice on her son's weight, but people are going to comment when she's giving us the measurements that she has. Particularly then saying "he's not overweight, he's just pure solid". I'd like to know what "solid" looks like. His bum doesn't fit into a booster seat at all. That is a large bottom for an eight year old. When I think of my son's friends who are the same age. The one that might struggle to fit into our booster seat is not solid, he's seriously overweight.

geordieinexileinthebigsmoke · 26/05/2019 08:19

Posted too soon: an 8yo boy should not be wearing men's medium / large clothes. Not unless there is a medical
reason for them being that large. My DH has broad shoulder as he was a swimmer. He as always worn medium tops.
So OP you can ignore these comments on here by me others of you like, but you are deluding yourself if you think your son is s healthy size.

moonfacebaby · 26/05/2019 08:25

Blimey, my 7 year old DD is 4ft 7in and this thread has made me realise she doesn’t need a car seat anymore 😦....

geordieinexileinthebigsmoke · 26/05/2019 09:10

@moonfacebaby legally no they don't need to be. It's still safer for them to be in a high back booster so their head and neck are protected in a crash. My 9yo doesn't like being in a car seat, but he accepts my rules. It's nice knowing that if he needs to, he can go in other people's cars without me needing to worry about car seats anymore though.

Soconfusedandlost · 26/05/2019 09:50

Geordieinexile I agree. My nephew is 9 and is not legally required to be in a car seat. However we have a high back booster seat that we use as often as able (I have DD2 and DS6months so both in bulky car seats so if I'm driving all 3, he sits in the middle with no car seta but 3 point seat belt). I figure no harm will come of him being in a car seat unnecessarily as he still fits

alittleprivacy · 26/05/2019 10:08

Please can we have some most posts of adults seriously comparing their statistics to an eight year old boy.

Why? Does it seem ridiculous? That's because it is. An 8 year old child should not be physically comparable to an adult never mind so much heavier. He is a pretty young child, he doesn't have the bone density or muscle mass to justify that kind of weight at that height. The OP is in denial about an issue that will severely limit this poor kid's life. Right from the comments about how big he was as a newborn being used to justify his obesity now, and he really wasn't even that big as a newborn. My DS was a really big baby, 9lb14oz, and at 6.5 now weighs 50lb at just shy of 4ft. You can't use newborn weight as justification for a child being extremely obese and you can't address the problem without admitting there is a problem.

As for the car seat side. I'd look up what the best recommendation is for a big child. The legal requirements are the bare minimum safety standards we should be adhering to. I just sat in DS's high back booster and even on the tallest setting the headrest is far too low to be safe or comfortable. Make sure the seatbelt sits correctly on his shoulders rather than over his neck. I need to keep my seatbelt at it's lowest setting. The middle rear seat is usually the safest seat in the car as long as the seatbelt is a proper 3 point belt. Make sure your son knows to never lean far forward while driving and never, ever, ever puts his arm inside the belt so the belt sits under his arm rather than on his shoulder. That's exceptionally dangerous.

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