Aibu to send my son from year 4 to private school?

[Abbazed]

Ie reception to yr 3 then year 4 private school? Is to prep for 11 plus?

@abbazed my son’s go to an extremely high performing private school. It is high performing because it does NOT drill children, and goes for holistic development. It performs better than all the selective, streaming schools around us (Greater London, so there are plenty). Yes, it is non selective and gets better results than all the selective ones...

Yes, it is non selective and gets better results than all the selective ones

My DD’s was exactly the same. Including having a high proportion of pupils with SEN. The holistic approach to education was far better in terms of giving a wide education.

There is literally no way you can tell how academic a three year old is going to be at 11. No way.

I had a friend who was quite boasty about her three year old being able to read and write. I was fine with this. She’s a lovely woman and he’s a lovely kid. However, he’s nine now and has severe anxiety and is unable to cope with any kind of structural education. He is very behind his peers. My poor friend did not see it coming and is beside herself, not because he’s not going to pass the 11+ but because he’s struggling to even get up in a morning.

Let your child grow in his own way. Don’t put so much pressure on him while he’s a tiny little dot.

I know. Ours doesn‘t have loads of SEN needs kids in the moment (10%or so), but it’s quite small so things change quite a lot year by year. But they learn to be curios, self motivated and responsible both for themselves and for others, and as a consequence these kids from a non-selective, non-streaming school only leave runner ups for the kids from the high stress, selective schools. And they are happy

Usually people choose to change at the start of Key Stage 2 which is Year 3

One of my sons is currently going through preparation for the 11 plus. You attitude is appalling and potentially damaging. I've seen children of parents like you fail to get in and it is horrible for everyone. Please, for the sake of your entire family, change your attitude.

I work at a very well respected and over-subscribed prep school with pre-prep.

If the school is the academic type you’re clearly looking for they will be selective at the Yr 3/4 so he’ll need to pass entry tests.

If they are a 13+ school then they will be concentrating on Yr5 pre-tests and common entrance and won’t be prepping for 11+ grammar entry.

If they are an 11+ school then the competition for grammar will be fierce.

You cannot under any circumstances know whether your child is especially bright academically at nursery age unless they are gifted, in which case you won’t need an independent school.

Is this your first child? Because the idea you can get him through an exam just because you want to is unrealistic at best.

If you want private go now and hope they’d keep him, don’t wait until Yr3/4.

What about your daughter OP?

OP, you sound awful quite frankly. Please let your child be a child. They will pass or they wont pass, either way, it really isnt the end of the world. Just be thankful you have a healthy, happy little one fgs.

This is very odd OP. I understand you want the best for your child, but he is in nursery. You're talking about 11 plus! Please just enjoy your time with him and encourage play and allow him to enjoy his childhood.

Wow. Just wow. Poor kid having that pressure ahead. No way you can tell at 3. We live in a purely selective area and in my ds's year some children who are incredibly bright didn't pass. There's absolutely no guarantee.

Firstly not all independent schools are equal, I imagine you have visited, but if not, please do and try to see a few (eg as many as there are available in a sensible travelling distance of your home).
Secondly the pass mark for grammar will vary each year, ie they only have a certain number of spaces available and will pass enough to fill them. There are more spaces in Kent than Buckinghamshire for example, so might be worth checking that out.
Personally if I were in your situation I would prepare myself for paying until at least GCSE's or 6th form and ten if you get grammar as an option it s a choice you can make then.

Unusual for a good school to have a place in year 4 unless someone has left, so you won't have much choice of schools. I'd do the 7+ and go in at year 3.

My goodness you really do sound silly.
My eldest daughter is at a selective grammar that's rated in the top five in the country.
There is absolutely no way you can tell if a school would be right for your child when they are in nursery or if they will pass the exam.
The attitude of "I will get him in whatever it takes" is pretty abhorrent you have no idea whether it will be right for him or if he will be happy there.
My second daughter will not be going to the same school as dd1. I could heavily tutor to pass but Ime this is one if the worst things you can do for your child.
Take your eyes off the prize and what and see where your child will be happiest at.

Sorry OP but you sound like a very pushy mum who will go on about importance of 11+ to him and pile on the pressure. That, coupled with moving your kid away from established friendships and familiar settings at year 4 just for an exam will make for an anxiety riddled kid. It's not fair on him at all, you need to chill out. It's worrying you're thinking of all this when he's still in nursery!

I will get him through the 11 plus come hell or high water!

Op, you can spend the next six years prepping your child for this exam, but what happens in the exam hall is completely out of your control. Please do not spend the next six years making your child think a test is all that matters.

For a bright child to pass the 11 plus all that’s needed is about an hour a week during y 5 private tutoring or home tutoring. That’s to make sure they understand the format of the questions, have practiced all the kinds of things which might come up and to develop good exam technique.

If a child can only pass by being hothoused at a private school which specialises in pushing children through the exam then grammar school is not the right place for them. They are going to have a very unhappy and stressful secondary school experience.

Why is the 11+ so important to you?

Is this your first child? Because the idea you can get him through an exam just because you want to is unrealistic at best.

Nodding vigorously.

Why the obsession with the 11plus?

For a bright child to pass the 11 plus all that’s needed is about an hour a week during y 5 private tutoring or home tutoring. That’s to make sure they understand the format of the questions, have practiced all the kinds of things which might come up and to develop good exam technique

But that’s extra to the normal day? We didn’t need to do that because she did verbal/non-verbal reasoning as standard.

Not all private schools “hothouse” children but for many reasons they get decent results for ongoing education.

Op, no prep bothers prepping for 11 + if they gave a secondary school attached so check that first.

Presumably if it's just a prep, they'll be doing all the work in class.

You have no idea what will happen in the education system by the time your child is 11, they may have got rid of the grammar system all together (and as a child who went to grammar school I say hooray to that!), also just because you push and push it doesn't mean your child will pass on the day, or if they pass and you have paid out for them to essentially pass the test it doesn't mean they are academic enough to cope with the grammar system in the long term. Your child is in the Early Years which is all about learning through play, please let him do that!

@Abbazed I suggest you post the same question on the Primary Education board rather than AIBU. I have not much to add as it's been covered by others. Just be careful which prep you choose. Most boys' preps prepare for 13+ entry to public schools. You may need to go co-Ed for 11+ or you may end up doing it yourself. Definitely go for Year 3 entry as a main entry point not Year 4 and maybe choose an infant school prior to that which only goes to Yr 2.

That's a good idea . The heat is wilting me