To ask what you have left over after bills?

[Tulips1234]

I’m sorry if this has already been discussed. I’ve just done a budget calculator as I have gone back part time after having dd. I’m worse off than I planned due to dp contributing less than we agreed to the household (that’s another thread), and I have £380 to live on a month. This is after all the bills go out but not including clothes (for me and dd) and the day to day stuff that always crops up. Does this sound doable? I know to some people it may be a lot and but it just doesn’t allow for unexpected things like the washer breaking etc. Does anyone have any tips for living on a small amount or is it not actually that bad?

Your problem is your useless fucking DP.

This.
Don’t have another baby with him.

I live on £50 a week after all bills and food

It is possible OP. It just isn't very nice. Not with food coming from it too.

If you really do want to leave op ,if he will not share his money as a family then who could blame you. Is he selfish in other aspects? Childcare, house work?
You may get tax credits, CT reduction and definitely 15 percent of his salary unless joint custody. Would you really be worse off?

As a side we have about 700 between us. But we are trying to save.

It doesn't really matter what we all have does it? The main issue is your partner!

^ This

And yet still people are coming on saying they have seventy zillion pounds left each month.

The issue is your DP.
Not how much money other people have to live each month.

I just thought if it was an average amount then things would be ok but it doesn’t seem to be much, especially including food. Yes, with the discount in council tax and then maintenance it probably wouldn’t even be that bad. He would be a hell of a lot worse off if he had to rent somewhere on his own and pay bills.

In other respects he is good with DD but not for a long time. He plays with her for 30 mins but hasn’t cooked a meal in months and hates putting her to bed, whereas to me this is lovely bonding time.

About £1500 we have 5 children. Two cars. Cat dog.

No point staying together just for the sake of possibly being better off financially with him. Like it's been said, maintenance, council tax discount, maybe some benefits? Or if you own your property, perhaps you could get a lodger?

Not much at all really. We live by the skin of our teeth. After our rent we have about £400 left over for the entire month.

You need to tackle your partner, that needs to be the focus of your thread. DH and I have seperate accounts, we are married. Due to maternity leave and also me becoming seriously ill we have had a few years of unequal earnings. But adjustments are always made so that after all bills we have similar amounts left. I admit he has more but the amount we each have is substantial.

The problem is 100% your partner.

I just thought if it was an average amount then things would be ok

Why? Why don’t you value yourself enough to be an equal?

Honestly OP - I’m not trying to get at you or kick you whilst you’re down but the posts like this seem to grow every day - women having babies with useless men and no financial planning or conversation beforehand.

Have some bloody standards.

Well it was agreed before we even tried for a baby how things would be, and he had changed his mind. I think that’s what I needed to hear really, that it is completely unfair and just mean really.

It’s tight but depends on your spending (and I assume your partner should also contribute to day to day spending). I have about £500 (I’m well paid but have about £750 in commuting and travel expenses) and I find that tight because it leaves little room for emergencies or unusual expenses, like car repairs, or this month I had to pay £200 to book a hotel next month and then had about £250 of work expenses (which will be reimbursed but it takes about a month, so living in my overdraft at the moment). But the bigger problem is your partner not contributing. You need to work out a fair arrangement or he needs to leave if he’s not willing to.

If money was no object, would you leave him?

I know it’s easier said than done, and many people have no choice, but to stay in a relationship because you’re better off money wise is awful.

It’s definitely unfair. My DH earns about five times what I do. Both of our salaries go into our joint account and whatever is left over after family/household expenses is split equally between us. That’s pretty normal!

I work. Wife doesn't. 6 month son.

Left over at the end of the month is hard to guage. Try to save/invest the equivalent of 1k GDP each month from my regular salaried position. So that would be the "bottom line" in that respect. How much we fritter on non essentials I'm not sure. I give my wife a stipend of 1.5k a month and she's to pay all food, baby costs and treats for herself from that. She's been told to not expect a penny more and she's never asked. If there is a major financial extra I find the money. I keep back about 300 quid for myself and that goes on transport and a eating out as a family. Might buy a pair of running shoes every other month.

My wife and I are frugal and hate spending money on material things. Holidays and eating are ok though.

We pay an equal amount into the joint account which covers all the bills, running costs of car and motorhome, food and all other joint expenses. We eat out at least once a month, although it's usually just a pub meal, nothing lavish. The jopint account usually has a £300-500 or so a month surplus, which builds up and gets used on holiday spending, replacing household items etc.

I'm left with around £400 a month some of which goes on my personal spends (books, hairdressing, skin care/pedicures, clothes etc) and some is added to savings. DP has a bit more, around £500 a month, most of which he saves but some of which goes on fags . I used to have more disposable income, but have reduced my hours quite a bit over the last few years (I'm sort of retiring gradually lol).

I feel very fortunate and privileged, having been skint most of my adult life. We paid off the mortgage a couple of years ago, and not having £500 a month going out of the bank has made a massive difference.

OP, if you're reducing your hours to save money on childcare, I think it's only fair that your share of joint costs is proportionately reduced. After all childcare costs are a joint expense.

Not much at all really. We live by the skin of our teeth. After our rent we have about £400 left over for the entire month.

@Hellooosweetheart - if your total income is only £400 a month more than your rent, you'd almost certainly be entitled to some Universal Credit.

It makes me bloody angry that so many people are spending virtually one month's wages just on rent. It makes life so tough.

Well it was agreed before we even tried for a baby how things would be, and he had changed his mind. I think that’s what I needed to hear really, that it is completely unfair and just mean really.

Oh Tulips, that's just awful! I'm so sorry. But yes, it's mean, unfair, shitty and feckless. He has a child, he can't expect to have as much money to spend as he did before he was born.

The fair way to work things out would be:

1. add up all the joint costs (rent, bills, food, nappies, baby clothes, childcare - the whole lot) and see what it comes to each month

1. add together how much you each bring home each month

Subtract the first figure from the second, work out how much is left, and halve it. That is how much you should each have left each month, for your personal spends.

Then you subtract that from the amount of both of your take-home pay and what is left goes into a joint account to cover all the joint costs. If he earns a lot more than you, he'll pay in a lot more, but it's fair.

Has he given any reason why he changed his mind? And do you know how much he earns, or what he spends his money on?

Just that he can’t afford it anymore. A third of his wages goes into the household, and all of mine do more or less. I’ve just lost a lot of respect for him as he’s not stepped up like I expected and he should have done. I ensure DD has everything she needs and go without myself which is what he should be doing more of. I’m just the default one who sorts absolutely everything.

Yes I think I would leave with money being no object, I just feel guilty to Dd having her parents split up when she is so young.

We have about £380 a month too. That’s for 2 adults and 4 children and has to pay for food, petrol and any other things we need such as clothing, school trips, birthdays etc.

Can you have one more try to get through to him how much the bills are .If he thinks you may leave ,then he may step up to the plate.Is he involved with little girl at all?.Does he do Baths Bedtime and so on. This may give him a" reboot" so to speak!

After bills but not including food... £3k left but then food and dc clubs seem to eat away. Usually save £1k a month plus buy one new thing for the house. We're saving for a kitchen. How does everyone else ever have enough for things like a kitchen or a car when you have £95 left each month?

She doesn't need that for a sorry excuse of a father.

Isn't a third of his wage roughly what youd get through CMS if you split anyway?

Why on earth doesn't he want to buy his daughter food and clothes? What possible excuse does he have that it's ok for you to put your whole wage in the family pot while he pays half?

I think a massive reorganisation of finances is needed if he is so bad with money he burns through two thirds of his wage on nothing and cant afford to contribute to bills or food. Everything in one pot, expenses paid from that, an agreed amount saved, and spending money split between the two of you or slightly more to him if you both want that. And any child related expenses come from the shared pot not individual.

Bet he wouldn't consider this though, why would he when he gets money for fun and you don't