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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why is it always my fault

76 replies

Foalma · 24/05/2019 12:13

Hi everyone so I need some help here please I'm a single mum my child father has nothing to do with them I work full time so I'm always tired but anyway I've met this guy we've been seeing each other a while and he wants us to move in together, the trouble is it would mean me leaving my job and moving my child into a new nursery and away from all our friends and family, I've tried to explain this all to him and asked why cant he move down here as he has his kids at weekends his answer why should I move my kids away from my family but yet he expects me to do it, he says it's me whoa making it difficult it's me who doesn't do anything, it's me who is screwing this up, when I said and u ain't he said no I ain't done anything all this has come become I've been poorly for the last few weeks which he knows I have and so haven't wanted sex, his even gone as far as to accuse me of sleeping with someone else when I'm not with him, I just feel like im rubbish some advice would be great pls

OP posts:
fedup21 · 24/05/2019 13:32

He doesn't sound like he's worth staying in a relationship with, let alone uprooting yourself and your child and quitting your job for him

Yep!

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 24/05/2019 13:35

Ditch him. He’s being an arsehole now but happens when you’re living with him away from your support system and personal income?

Hidingtonothing · 24/05/2019 13:35

You feel like you're rubbish because he's treating you like rubbish OP. But you've sussed out what he's doing, he's punishing you for the lack of sex by being an arsehole about the move and accusing you of cheating. Really think about what that means, he's punishing you for being ill!

I'm afraid PP's are right, this will get much worse if you move away with him, he will have you exactly where he wants you, isolated from support and reliant on him. Please don't do it OP, and have a really good think about whether you want to stay with someone who prioritises his dick above your health Flowers

thegreatcrestednewt · 24/05/2019 13:36

Dump him. He sounds horrible. Why on earth would you uproot your life and everything for him?? No way.

MissConductUS · 24/05/2019 13:47

This is not a proper man, it's a man child/user/control freak. Run like the wind. Do not move for him.

Loveatthefiveanddime · 24/05/2019 13:47

He sounds truly truly awful. Really so so bad.
Sacrifice literally everything for that chump??! Not on your nelly.

You and your children's wellbeing comes first.

Crinkle77 · 24/05/2019 13:49

There are some massive red flags here. He is emotionally abuse it will only get worse if you live with him and have no family/friends to support you. He is already trying to isolate you from them.

Drum2018 · 24/05/2019 13:50

Get rid. Maintain your dignity and don't pander to his unreasonable expectations that you will sacrifice everything for him - he's not worth it.

HappyHippy45 · 24/05/2019 13:51

Red flag.
Wants you to move away from your support network. Isolating you so you then rely on him.
You've not had sex with him so you must be cheating.
Run

justasking111 · 24/05/2019 13:51

As a single parent you really need the safety net of friends and family, this relationship is a non starter. Move on.

SuperheroBirds · 24/05/2019 14:01

I agree with everyone else, dump him.

But also, from the viewpoint of someone whose mum kept dating men far away and then moving, I’d really recommend not dating someone that it would uproot your life to be with (especially while your children are young).

3luckystars · 24/05/2019 14:03

Get away from him as fast as your legs can carry you.

Never look back.

Topseyt · 24/05/2019 14:05

At least he has told you who he really is before you uprooted yourself and your child to move in with him. He has shown you that he is a jealous, controlling and entitled arsehole.

Use that knowledge to your advantage now, by dumping his sorry arse and keeping control over your own life.

You and your child deserve much better.

PompeyBez · 24/05/2019 14:14

I hate to say it but this doesn't sound like a good idea. He is showing you this true colours. Accusing you of sleeping around, refusing to compromise and then blaming you. Do you really want to up sticks and move away from all your friends and family? You're going to lose your support network. Don't do it!

Pinkvoid · 24/05/2019 14:16

Dump him.

There are so many red flags here it’s untrue. He’s asking you to leave your job (so become financially dependent on him) and move away from your support network. Sounds controlling.

blueshoes · 24/05/2019 14:17

Please prioritise your dc over this selfish person who will never put you or your dc first.

I am surprised you even need to ask on here. It is telling you are turning it inward by asking why it is always your fault. This is NOT your fault - you should be able to see it in neon lights.

Do you have a pattern of picking abusive arseholes as partners?

Coyoacan · 24/05/2019 14:17

Moving away from your family and friends would be a terrible wrench, even with the most supportive partner, especially when you have a small child. However it is also a tactic that abusive men use to get you where they want you, without anyone to support you.

Please, please take the Freedom Programme, you will find it very helpful.

krustykittens · 24/05/2019 14:17

Please take on board all the advice you have been given, OP. This man is abusing you and you haven't moved in with him yet. Once he has moved you far away from family and friends, he will get much, much worse. Dump him, now.

Travis1 · 24/05/2019 14:20

Do not give up your job, do not move your child from their nursery, do not leave all your friends and family, do not move in with him.

Do dump his red flag waving arse!¬

blueshoes · 24/05/2019 14:20

A kind and considerate man who is a father knows that what he is suggesting is detrimental to you and your child and will not suggest it.

The fact he did is a test. Abusers find their victims. Most women will tell him where to get off. He is not even trying to charm you into it. He is trying to bully you into it.

Please please can you not see how f..cked up it is that you are even considering it?

If you agree to his demands, you might as well have 'victim' written all over you. Please think of yourself and your dc. Your poor dc.

billy1966 · 24/05/2019 14:42

So he speaks to you badly.
He treats you badly.
He wants you to move away from all your supports so he can speak and treat you even worse.

And you want to move in with him.

Jesus wept. Your poor children.
Have a think about what sort of a future you want.
Because if it involves him, it's going to be miserable.
Your poor children.

Antigon · 24/05/2019 14:43

OP not coming back?

MrsMozartMkII · 24/05/2019 14:52

Exit lass.

This is no way to live your life.

Lizzie48 · 24/05/2019 15:05

I agree with PPs here, you should dump him, not move in with him. Red flags all over the place.

AlwaysCheddar · 24/05/2019 15:29

No way should you move to be with him! Don’t do it! Get rid of him.