Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Why is it always my fault

76 replies

Foalma · 24/05/2019 12:13

Hi everyone so I need some help here please I'm a single mum my child father has nothing to do with them I work full time so I'm always tired but anyway I've met this guy we've been seeing each other a while and he wants us to move in together, the trouble is it would mean me leaving my job and moving my child into a new nursery and away from all our friends and family, I've tried to explain this all to him and asked why cant he move down here as he has his kids at weekends his answer why should I move my kids away from my family but yet he expects me to do it, he says it's me whoa making it difficult it's me who doesn't do anything, it's me who is screwing this up, when I said and u ain't he said no I ain't done anything all this has come become I've been poorly for the last few weeks which he knows I have and so haven't wanted sex, his even gone as far as to accuse me of sleeping with someone else when I'm not with him, I just feel like im rubbish some advice would be great pls

OP posts:

CalmdownJanet · 24/05/2019 12:46

--> the hills are that way, run for them!! Seriously do not move in with this asshole

grumpyyetgorgeous · 24/05/2019 12:47

Please, please find a little self esteem and leave this man before you uproot yourselves. There are good men out there who will treat you with respect, you need to believe that you deserve this first though.

7yo7yo · 24/05/2019 12:48

Why are you with this toss pot?
You’ve be a fool to uproot your daughter for this “relationship”

WhyTho · 24/05/2019 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarnabasTheMaineCoon · 24/05/2019 12:49

Get rid of him. Jesus, when will women start expecting more?

This ^

FFS. This is a complete NO BRAINER. You'd be stupid and insane to stay with this guy, much less move in with him.

You need to do the Freedom Programme because your self-esteem and boundaries are far too low.

Mumma626 · 24/05/2019 12:51

I would say you have 2 choices.

Walk away if he isn’t willing to take yours be your children’s feeling into account then he isn’t worth being around.
Stay with him and you both meet in the middle, literally. You both find somewhere smack bang in the middle and then you have both had to make changes xx

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 24/05/2019 12:52

Yep, you need to leave this person. At the very least never give up your home, job, friends and family to move in with him your life will be shit.

boobirdblue · 24/05/2019 12:52

Don't even consider it for a second!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 24/05/2019 12:53

Don't move in with him. Don't disrupt your DC's lives for this waste of space.

He doesn't treat you with any respect whatsoever. Why on earth would you want to be with him? Please ditch ASAP.

SpeckofStardust · 24/05/2019 12:58

Ask him what he thinks about meeting in the middle and moving to a spot midway between the two locations so you each have equal uprooting and disruption. Not suggesting you make such a move btw, I’m with everyone else and think you should offload the controlling piece of shit, but you should ask just to confirm to yourself that any compromise that involves him making effort as well as you will not be acceptable to him.

1WayOrAnother · 24/05/2019 13:00

Ditch him quickly. Stay in control of your decisions regarding your children. Don't compromise now, you'll regret it.

AdaColeman · 24/05/2019 13:00

He is a classic controller, trying to make you feel that everything would be perfect, if only you did what you were told.

Telling you that problems are all your fault is a way to undermine your belief in yourself and the decisions that you make.

After a while of accepting the blame for any failure, you will find it difficult to make any decisions for yourself, and he will be totally in control.

Meanwhile, he will be getting a huge ego boost from always being right, and for being able to control someone (you) weaker than himself.

This won't get better, it will only get worse, much much worse.

Run, run for the hills as fast as you can, and don't look back.

Jellybeansincognito · 24/05/2019 13:07

Everything that @AdaColeman said with bells on.

‘so you’re expecting me to move my children away from family but wouldn’t do that yourself, yet this situation is my fault? Do you know what, you’re right, this situation is my fault for staying with such a loser, goodbye and good luck trying to control someone else 🖕🏻

SunniDay · 24/05/2019 13:09

Hi,
Your partner is already waving the red flags for jealousy and control high. If you move to live with him you and your child will have lost your support networks and he can really turn the screws. Get rid.

My friend met a nice man. He has his child at weekends. He has moved to another city to be with her and continues to have his child at weekends driving to another city to collect him and bring him over for the weekend. Don't uproot your children and your life. He isn't worth a long distance relationship either. Thank god your illness has shown you his true colours. Be prepared that he will turn on the charm/waterworks when you try to dump him. He will only have been pressuring you for sex because he "loves and fancies you soooo much". It's all bullshit - get rid. You deserve kindness and respect.

ANewDawn10 · 24/05/2019 13:11

And you sound like you want pity with your whole why is it my fault line.
No one is forcing you to do anything so quit the drama and get rid off him. And then work on yourself to find out why you picked this loser and entertained him for so long.

Cariadne · 24/05/2019 13:12

He sounds horrible already - call time on the arsehole. Do NOT uproot your life for a bully like him.

Nanny0gg · 24/05/2019 13:13

Run away.

Fast.

blackteasplease · 24/05/2019 13:15

He sounds horrible and your life is going to get immeasurably worse if you leave your job and move away from family and friends.
^^
This

Please leave him and run for the hills (not literally, I think you should stay where you live now). He's really not worth it. He sounds appalling and you child will not have a happy life with him.

cakeandchampagne · 24/05/2019 13:16

Hold on tight to your home, and your job, your closeness to your family & your friends, and your child’s current nursery.
You need to protect yourself & your child.
Get away from this controlling guy.

S1naidSucks · 24/05/2019 13:18

You have a child young enough to be in nursery and you’re thinking of moving in with this selfish tosspot? Never mind having some respect for yourself, have some respect for your child.

MrsDrudge · 24/05/2019 13:18

Run as fast as you can, he sounds a tidy piece of work

MrsHormonal2019 · 24/05/2019 13:25

Uh dump his ass....

mummmy2017 · 24/05/2019 13:29

Your on here writing this
That means you already have doubts ..
You would lose out in this deal on every front

Antigon · 24/05/2019 13:30

So he wants you to move the children who live with you instead of him moving to you, when his children don’t live with him?

And he accuses you of sleeping with someone else when you’re too sick to have sex?

What a selfish abusive prick. If you uproot your life for this arsehole it would be a huge mistake.

PutyourtoponTrevor · 24/05/2019 13:30

How long have you been seeing him?

Flip

1 2 3 4