Re nursery manager?

[walkmehome1]

My son is 2 and has been going to nursery for a year on two days while I'm at work.

The deputy manager always kisses him when I drop him off and kisses him and says "love you" to him when he is collected and I really don't like it.

It just makes me feel uncomfortable. Am I being over sensitive?

Oh god thats weird

My dcs childminder used to hug and kiss them but it was usually instigated by the dcs rather than her. Is this what's happening in your ds's case?

No, my son doesn't instigate anything.

You know, I think I can get over a kiss on the cheek goodbye. I really don't like the "love you" thing.

I feel really awkward raising it though.

Does the manager do it to all the children?

I honestly wouldn't be able to say either way as I've never really been there when other children are being dropped off/collected

And apologies. Title should say "deputy manager".

If it is with all the children then I'm going to say it's just their way. Many many years ago my eldest had a teacher like this . She was an amazing person, very warm and a fab teacher. I was a bit about the hugs and love you's but it was reciprocal with all the children. They all adored her.
I found out many years later that she went into teaching after having two stillborns , decided that she would put all her love into other people's children.

But.. your DC your choice and feelings must be paramount.

Yes the 'Love you' is odd. I wouldn't say that to someone else's child unless they said it to me first. I would reply 'aww I love you too' in a lighthearted way.

I’d love this. My greatest concern about childcare is that the carers don’t love them.

Gosh, don't get me wrong. I'm so pleased they're warm hearted with him and it's all lovely.

But it just doesn't sit right with me. The "love you". I honestly don't know why, I just don't like it.

On the other hand, if I'm being totally sensitive I don't want to bring it up with the manager and create an issue that doesn't need to be an issue if that makes sense

I wouldnt feel comfortable with the "love you"
I like to see my daughter run up and smile and wave at the nursery staff, feel comfortable enough to hug them- but not say they love you etc.

I’m a childminder and kiss and cuddle my mindees but I won’t say “I love you” to them, even if they say it to me. My DS shares enough of me as it is, he and DH are the only people who get my “I love you”s

I have worked with children all my adult life and I wouldn't do that that tbh. You do build up bonds with children and a hug/comfort yeah sure. You can't stop kids kissing you and saying it tho!

I would raise this, it's not professional

Thanks everyone. I didn't know if it was me blowing something out of proportion

If it's to all the children then it's fine.
I think it's so important for children to feel loved when they're in childcare. Some children may spend more time there than with their parents. Feeling loved goes a long way to supporting their future mental health.

Totally unprofessional. I'm an early years practitioner and would be if any other staff in my setting did it.

I adore the children I work with, and there are plenty of hugs and affection in our setting. Children will occasionally try to kiss me and I'll let them (only on the cheek) but if it becomes too frequent I'll say 'save your kisses for mummy/daddy'.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then it's not OK and you must mention it.

I don't think it's necessarily professional to say that to the child. BUT one of the main reason my DCs were and are happy at their nursery is that the staff very obviously do love the children and take enormous pride in them. I think for a child that young, physical affection is really important and it is healthy to form attachments to other adults.

DS's keyworker says things like 'by boy, my son' and says how proud she is, it is just her way and I have no issue with it.

And there are lots of other ways of making children feel loved without kisses and I love you's. Affection is so important, but it's important for children to learn the difference between family relationships and other kids of relationships.

Kinds*

No I wouldn't like that at all!

What!? I'm so surprised at this. My son's room manager kisses him and the other day said something like love you to one of the other kids and I think it's amazing! When she first planted a kiss on him I did think it was maybe odd, but I think it's my issue not hers. I'm delighted I leave him with someone who values him. I think if you can't say why you don't like it it's maybe your issue?
I disagree with it being unprofessional, I've been a sen teacher for years and wish more schools would show love as an unconditional rather than be worried about being 'unprofessional' honestly. Real actual unprofessional behaviour goes undetected while things like this get dragged up.

What @Bear2014 said !

Yes, if prompted (by the child saying it first) I agree an 'Aww, love you too!' is fine, but to say it consistently without prompting is totally unnecessary, IMO.

My DC adore their childminders and if they see them in the playground or street when they're not under their care, they'll run over and hug them. That just tells me the CMs do a fantastic job. But it's important that kids learn bodily autonomy and that means any affection should always be led by the child.