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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think airline software should not allow a 3 year old to be seated away from their parent?

264 replies

Inkstainedmags · 22/05/2019 22:00

I suppose I'm looking for reassurance as I lie here unable to sleep before a flight. DP, DS (3) and I are due to take a transatlantic flight in the morning. We were unable to select seats when we booked the flight - we suspect because the grounding of Boeing 737 Max aircrafts meant the airline didn't know what craft they would be putting us on. Then, when check-in opened, the airline's website wouldn't allow us to proceed because it couldn't cope with dual citizenship and insisted we needed proof of visas for travel to the country we live in.

When we finally managed to try to check in at an airport kiosk, we found that all three of us are seated separately and there was nowhere for two of us to be sat together. No one from the airline was available to speak to.

Surely the airline has to sort this out, right? As much as I'd love the opportunity to spend a 7-hour flight watching movies and reading books like I used to pre-DS, they can't expect a barely 3-year-old to be sat next to a stranger can they?

AIBU to think that with all the amazing things software can do these days, an airline should be able to force a parent and toddler to be sat together and cope with travellers with dual citizenship?

OP posts:
apacketofcrisps · 23/05/2019 10:08

So I’m insane for preferring to sit next to and ignore the lone child rather than lose my aisle seat causing me to not access to toilets etc and literally shit myself? Ok then.

drspouse · 23/05/2019 10:19

What will you do when the 3 year old climbs on you? Kicks you? Pokes you? Wets or soils themselves (if next to someone they don't know, and afraid to say anything or get up on their own, this is very likely).
What if they throw up on you? Pour their drink on you? Can't open their food and cry if you won't help them?
As I say, it appears you have never met any toddlers.

drspouse · 23/05/2019 10:20

(In other words, thinking you can sit next to and ignore a 3 year old for 7 hours is completely delusional.)

apacketofcrisps · 23/05/2019 10:27

Dr when do you plan on addressing the actual reasons I have given?

JacquesHammer · 23/05/2019 10:29

What will you do when the 3 year old climbs on you? Kicks you? Pokes you? Wets or soils themselves (if next to someone they don't know, and afraid to say anything or get up on their own, this is very likely).
What if they throw up on you? Pour their drink on you? Can't open their food and cry if you won't help them?

For the first I am quite happy to ask the child to stop. If they don’t I will tell the child to stop.

The rest is nothing to do with me. If they throw up on me I always have a spare top with me anyway.

You seriously underestimate my ability to ignore irritations!

BarbarianMum · 23/05/2019 10:30

Well speaking for myself, I'd treat them like I'd treat any other random 3 year old. Talk to them a bit, help them w food etc but if they were naughty (kicking would come under this) I'd tell them off. If they really were demon spawn from hell I'd complain to the cabin crew.

What I wouldn't do is pay £50 to book the seat I want then agree to be moved to a worse seat for free. When my kids were younger I wouldn't have agreed to be moved away from my family at all.

DHhasahobbyanditsnotcycling · 23/05/2019 10:30

drspouse
Apart from take off and landing, I expect the parent to get off their own seat and take care of their child. No normal parent would seat, relax and ignore their child.

Actually ignore that, I have seen a mother who put all her 3 kids in one row, sat on the other side, opened her book and ignore her nightmare kids for the entire flight. I felt sorry for the little one who was in tears for half the trip.

BarbarianMum · 23/05/2019 10:31

Oh and as for vomiting it's just as likely to be me as them (airsickness).

Eggshellnutmeg · 23/05/2019 10:33

apacketofcrisps, wouldn’t you just ask the person sat next to you to let you past them to the toilet, like other passengers next to you do?

MissMooMoo · 23/05/2019 10:34

As a dual Canadian/UK citizen I have never had trouble checking in online for a flight. What is the issue?
If you are a Canadian citizen you MUST fly to Canada on a Canadian passport FYI so if you are trying to check in under another nationality you won't be able to.

JemSynergy · 23/05/2019 10:38

I have had this a couple of times now where we are separated from our children on a long haul flight, no option during these flights to pay more to be seated together otherwise we would and we have done during other flights. Cabin crew have never got involved, they told us they couldn't so I have always had to ask if other passengers will swap. I was flying solo recently and had a child sitting next to me, I offered to move so that mother and child could sit next to each other. Made no difference to me where I sat really and I knew exactly what she was going through. I don't mind if my children are in sight but in my experience my children have always been scattered and so have the adults. As long as one adult is by one child I am okay but really wish are would stop separating children from their families.

murmuration · 23/05/2019 10:39

I think the paying to choose a seat is a menace and hasn't been a good move.

I agree. It produces both people trying to "cheap" it and prey on the goodwill of others; people wise to this who refuse to move because they paid; and then people with legitimate issues caught in the middle. We once paid to seat me, DD, and DH all together on a transatlantic flight. But our connecting flight was delayed (and every other flight that day due to a massive storm), and they put us on a flight the next day, scattered all over the plane. We did eventually get people to move and get me and DD together, but I had also paid for my seat!!! I just couldn't use it because the airline fucked up and it had left yesterday. So not only did we pay several hundred pounds extra to select seats, we also got grief for not selecting seats. It just doesn't work with the unpredictability of air travel.

murmuration · 23/05/2019 10:42

*sorry, I suppose weather fucked up. :) But I'm still sore they couldn't do something at least like refund the seat charge. And there was other things they messed up that day too.

ArfArfBarf · 23/05/2019 10:50

*AuditAngel
Flying with infant twins is complicated because there is usually only one extra oxygen mask per section of each row. So maybe they couldn’t offer you the aisle seat if it would have left them sitting in the same section.

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 23/05/2019 10:50

wouldn’t you just ask the person sat next to you to let you past them to the toilet, like other passengers next to you do?

If you have something like IBS, the extra few seconds (or often longer) it can take someone else to notice you're asking them (if they've got headphones on), go to stand up, realise they're still wearing their seatbelt, unfasten their seatbelt, manoeuvre themselves out of their seat (often in a quite leisurely way) can be the difference between getting to the toilet with some dignity and shitting yourself where you stand. When you have to go, you have to GO.

SinkGirl · 23/05/2019 10:54

For the first I am quite happy to ask the child to stop. If they don’t I will tell the child to stop.

Good luck with that. My 2.5 year olds don’t understand any words or gestures, so I wish you all the best.

I have IBS. I have endometriosis. I have bladder problems. I’d rather not move from an aisle seat that enables me to get to the toilet in a hurry. But I’m not stupid enough to think that it’s possible to control or ignore a toddler sitting in an adjacent seat.

Damntheman · 23/05/2019 11:01

IBS is a solid reason for not moving, there are other reasons as well although packetofcrisps doesn't need to be so unpleasant about making their arguments.

I agree OP, the onos is on the airline to sort this kind of thing out, but they won't because they think they can use it to grab more money off passengers.

I would move in a heartbeat to get a child next to their parent - particularly for a long haul. If I couldn't move (because of my own small children, 3 and 6) I would do my utmost to comfort, distract and take care of the poor lone child sitting with my family.

Frankly I find most healthy peoples' refusal to move displays a startling and horrifying lack of empathy.

Hope it works out for you OP!

BarbarianMum · 23/05/2019 11:02

So sinkgirl you have two or more 2 year olds who don't understand words or gestures. What's your plan for ensuring they comply with airline safety rules and are not a safety risk to themselves or others during the flight?

Damntheman · 23/05/2019 11:05

My 2.5 understands words and gestures but when alone with someone she does not know and with her mother/father sat on the other side of the plane she would likely be too distraught to be able to listen to said stranger. She's also not very able to make her feelings known clearly given that she is bilingual and thus speaks a heady mash of two languages in incomprehensible toddler style. Even I, her mother, have to spend a moment working out which language she is trying to use before I can attempt to interpret what she's said.

It's ridiculous to assume a parent could not control/calm their toddler just because a stranger couldn't BarbarianMum. You seem to be deliberately needling for a weakness in a previous statement.

NunoGoncalves · 23/05/2019 11:06

If you have a disability/illness that requires you to sit in a certain seat, then obviously it's not unreasonable to stay where you are.

If you were to be politely asked to swap, though, it may be easier to say something like "I'm sorry, I paid for an aisle seat for a specific reason and can't give it up. I don't mind swapping with another aisle seat if that helps?" instead of just "no I won't move I don't want to you can't make me".

NunoGoncalves · 23/05/2019 11:07

I would say most of the lone travellersdo not have illnesses or disabilities, so most would be fine with moving anyway.

Dana28 · 23/05/2019 11:07

I can categorically state they can and will separate you from your dc. We were delayed boarding plane because dc1 vomited in check in queue and they made him see airport doctor (Canaries)
DH, myself and our 4 children age 3, 4 7 and ( vomiting) 9, were given seats dotted throughout the cabin. It was a 4.5 hour night flight and no one offered to swap!

JacquesHammer · 23/05/2019 11:15

If you were to be politely asked to swap, though, it may be easier to say something like "I'm sorry, I paid for an aisle seat for a specific reason and can't give it up. I don't mind swapping with another aisle seat if that helps?" instead of just "no I won't move I don't want to you can't make me"

I think that’s a good point actually. I’d never be rude, I would calmly explain but wouldn’t move because I want to sit next to my companion.

AuditAngel · 23/05/2019 11:16

ArfArfBarf they ended up sat next to each other in the row behind me, so that can’t have been the case.

I would have someone’s toddler, and have done in the past. I would help with food/drink, would stop them from kicking (assuming the child does as they are told) but I won’t sit in a middle seat when I have paid for the aisle.

NegativeNancy no, you don’t get a refund of your seat fee if you swap.

JacquesHammer · 23/05/2019 11:17

But I’m not stupid enough to think that it’s possible to control or ignore a toddler sitting in an adjacent seat

I have absolutely no doubt I could happily ignore!

Once I’ve got myself in my blanket, head-phones on I’m quite in my own place.