Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To regret this

49 replies

Bluemuse443 · 22/05/2019 21:39

that I have never had a corporate job, living overseas earning a good amount of money/living an ‘exciting’ life?

I’ve just turned 40 and met a new man - all his much younger exes have lived all over the world doing high powered jobs and lived full lives - running marathons, winning awards, big social groups - I feel inadequate in comparison and it’s too late to change any of it

I know I am moaning, just feel I’ve let life pass me by

Does anyone else feel like this or is it the social media curse of comparison?

OP posts:

MyGastIsFlabbered · 22/05/2019 21:43

I once read on here 'comparison is the thief of joy'. Wise words.

FadedRed · 22/05/2019 21:46

all his much younger exes have lived all over the world doing high powered jobs and lived full lives - running marathons, winning awards, big social groups
Have they really? Or is this new man just saying this to make you think that you should be grateful for his attentions to you?
Massive red flag here, Op. Be very careful.

Passthecherrycoke · 22/05/2019 21:49

I’m not sure you can regret it as such- it’s not something anyone can do- maybe you can regret not trying I suppose? Sounds more like a new man making you feel insecure

KnitterOfSocks · 22/05/2019 21:49

I ran my first marathon this year age 41. Why do you think it's too late to stuff like this?

Pipandmum · 22/05/2019 21:52

It’s not too late. My parents immigrated with three young kids to USA at that age. Started a whole new life. Life begins at 40 as the saying goes!

CarolinaChina · 22/05/2019 21:58

Your life, what you’ve done, what you haven’t done, where you’ve been, the both great and the terrible things you’ve experienced, the good decisions you’ve made, the times when you really did get it wrong............ just everything is what’s made you the person you are today. And that’s the person he and everyone else in your life has chosen to be with.

All the corporate stuff isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, either, so I don’t think you’ve missed out. And, anyway, you’re still young enough to pursue this if it’s what you really want to do.

Just be thankful for what you are and all the really great experiences you have had and go away and make some more!

WeakAsIAm · 22/05/2019 22:03

all his much younger exes have lived all over the world doing high powered jobs and lived full lives - running marathons, winning awards, big social groups

And yet he is no longer with any of them???? So either he or they were not all they cracked up to be.

Go travelling, running marathons or whatever will make you feel fulfilled, the clue is in the title whatever makes YOU fulfilled nobody else.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 22/05/2019 22:09

I bet he's negging you. Why has he even told you so much about his award winning exes?

I don't like him. Dump him.

jessicawessica · 22/05/2019 22:11

Ex's are EX's for a reason. Why did he dump all these fantastic women?

Thurmanmurman · 22/05/2019 22:13

So new man is telling you that his exes are all much younger, popular and successful than you are? Get out now OP, this won’t end well.

Ohyesiam · 22/05/2019 22:14

I work with wealthy successful people who often win awards in their field. They jet set, have second homes abroad etc, and they come to me because they are broken. They feel out of control ( when actually they are controlling everything with an iron grip. Or they can’t ever feel lovable, so they work with everything they’ve got to be seen as successful. Or their picture perfect marriage is empty.
Being “ successful “ can be a viciously competitive world.
Of course I only have one side of the picture, but it’s not all roses out there In Alpha land.

DinkyTie · 22/05/2019 22:19

Well I've just come home after living overseas for 10 years, career is taking a running leap backwards after working so hard. And I'd never even contemplate a marathon 🤷

My point is, who fucking cares about his exes! They're an ex for a reason.

fecketyfeck21 · 22/05/2019 22:25

i don't know this person but he sounds like he's got an active imagination, smells like bull from this keyboard.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/05/2019 22:49

If his ex's were so bloody amazing, he'd still be with them.

FetchezLaVache · 22/05/2019 22:58

His "much younger" exes have done all this? What about him - what's HE ever done that's worth talking about?

chipsandgin · 22/05/2019 22:59

I’ve done the stuff his exes have done - had that kind of life pre-kids & whilst it was fun it didn’t make me any better or worse than friends who chose different paths that made them just as happy. Also you’re only 40 - plenty of time to do whatever makes YOU happy!

A man bigging up his ‘younger exes’ & making you feel inadequate...that doesn’t sound like a recipe for happiness though!

Honestly, life hasn’t passed you by, it’s happening right now, go and grab it by the balls (not him though, I’d be telling him & his billly big balls boastiness to jog right on personally..)

Original poster

Bluemuse443 · 23/05/2019 00:25

Thank you for all your responses and kind words

He hasn’t said anything about his exes, played them down majorly if anything, so I did some digging as I was curious

He has been successful in that world and now has a quieter life. His family loved the previous girls and I worry that they will inevitably compare my very regular self to these high achievers and think what is going on/ he has almost downgraded

OP posts:

jameswong · 23/05/2019 01:30

The curse of social media!

Log off and enjoy your life. Whether that be with this guy, someone else, living in the UK, living abroad, running marathons, relaxing at home etc.

It's never too late BTW. You could work abroad yet. What do you do for a living? I have spent most of my adult life working and living abroad in Asia and Europe and am not a "high powered exec" or whatever.

And long distance running is more accessible than ever (download Couch to 5k and do a bit of shopping in decathalon for starter kit)

Bouledeneige · 23/05/2019 01:49

I got divorced at 42 and since then I've had huge adventures, seen the world and been a great mum (though I say it myself).

costacoffeecup · 23/05/2019 02:00

I see your point. There was a time in my late twenties when I could have gone down that route and I feel a bit wistful sometimes when I think of what could have been. A close relative and his partner did this and are set to retire at 55, no children etc.

But I agree it's not all it's cracked up to be. I'm sure they get home to their empty, quiet, clean house, crack open their fancy wine and think oh I wish I had some grubby children running round and disobeying me like costa has at her house.

Not.

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 23/05/2019 04:48

I feel like this a lot. Not because of DH (I’ve definitely had more varied life experiences than him) but because of the ‘me’ I had in mind growing up. I always saw myself living in a different country every two years, working in media and trying some new, exciting thing every week.

I hit 30, and was vaguely working in that arena but none of my other ambitions had come true. So I set about a ‘40 before 40’ list of the things I ABSOLUTELY MUST achieve before I turned 40 to make me feel better about where my life had taken me. No need to put anything outrageous on there, just the things that would make you happy (in my case learning a certain language, spending time in certain countries, mastering skills etc) I’m steadily working through that list and am half way through with 4 years to go. It’s been great!

Decormad38 · 23/05/2019 04:56

Red flags are flying.

AnnaDine · 23/05/2019 05:10

Believe me it’s not exciting! 😂

Downunderduchess · 23/05/2019 05:30

You do you! Comparing yourself to anyone else leads nowhere. Also, why have you discussed his ex partners so much that you know so much about them? A comment in passing I can understand but it's like he has given you a long list of all their achievements. They are exes
for a reason. You have something to offer just being you. I hope he doesn't make you feel negatively towards yourself, partners should be our biggest champions & build us up. Good luck with everything.

WhatisthisAbbyHatcherrubbish · 23/05/2019 05:41

Agree with CarolinaChina - I've done the high-powered corporate job thing and it's mostly fucking misery. There's the odd person who genuinely loves it and is clearly going to make it to the top, but a lot of people burn out very, very fast.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread