Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Working full time as a single parent

40 replies

Houseonahill · 22/05/2019 20:41

I have been offered a job and I don't know whether to accept or not (when I went for interview they said there would be scope as to times and days but offer has come back and it's m-f 9-5 with an hour and a bit commute either side)

My daughter is 2 and it means being in childcare 8.30-5.30 5 days a week. I have zero help from her dad or from family. She usually sleeps 7-7.30 we would have to leave the house at 8 and wouldn't get home till 6.15ish and she would still need to have tea. So it would mean her going to bed later and getting up earlier which seems unfair.

I currently work 3 days a week but much closer so we leave about half 8 and are back about half 5. Financially we wouldn't be much better off (about £100pm maybe less because I can't work out how much more it's going to cost in petrol) but it is in an industry I'd much rather be working in than I am at the minute. It's not a great job £9.60ph so not like I'll be passing up on 1000s.

Would you do it? Should I hold out and hope something part time comes up? Part of me feels like I'm being pathetic and part of me feels like I'll never see my DD and when I am at home with her I'll have to be doing house stuff as well as the guilt of upsetting her routine.

OP posts:

AnneTwackie · 22/05/2019 20:45

This doesn’t sound like it will be worth it at all. I’d hang on a little bit longer, she won’t be little for ever.

HolesinTheSoles · 22/05/2019 20:46

It doesn't sound workable, especially with the commute and a child so young. It sucks you have no help. Could you perhaps use the time she's in nursery to retrain in a more child friendly career (I recognise this isn't financially feasible for everyone).

TrainsandDiggers · 22/05/2019 20:47

Personally I wouldn’t, but I can see your dilemma. My guess is that if you passed up this opportunity another one would come you’re way, as this one has made you realise that you’re done with your current role and therefore, you will be more overtly looking for new openings. Good luck with whatever you decide though.

Seaandsand83 · 22/05/2019 20:48

The cons seem to out weigh the pros. You're never going to get this time back with your daughter but there will be other jobs.

JacquesHammer · 22/05/2019 20:48

I wouldn’t unless it was financially essential.

Original poster

Houseonahill · 22/05/2019 20:49

I am currently doing accountancy training and this is what the new job is but very entry level. I did think about waiting till I've finished my training and seeing what comes up but I was speaking to my dad about it who said I'm being pathetic and just making excuses and need to be bettering myself not stagnating

OP posts:

Shaded · 22/05/2019 20:52

If it is a good stepping stone for a better long-term career and such opportunities are infrequent I would take it.

I was in your shoes a while back and doing it was worth it for me as it helped our financial stability for the long-term.

Bokky · 22/05/2019 20:53

I'm not a single parent but DH works away all week so all the running around falls to me.

I work full time as a teacher and, before we moved house, DD was in wraparound care. I panicked like crazy if I was stuck in traffic or running late for whatever reason. We've now moved house so we are nearer DMIL and she looks after her before and after school now and it's taken so much pressure off. I know you've no extra help but being in the original situation I was in was bad enough and I, in theory, didn't have to work until 5pm. If I had to make the choice again, I'd work much closer to DD's school.

HolesinTheSoles · 22/05/2019 20:55

I was speaking to my dad about it who said I'm being pathetic and just making excuses and need to be bettering myself not stagnating

How charming - and I assume he's offering to do all nursery pick ups? I think there's nothing wrong with finishing your training then finding a job.

megletthesecond · 22/05/2019 20:55

Unless your dad has been a lone parent then I'd ignore him.

Tbh the new job sounds like a lot to juggle. And that's on the days everything goes to plan. Do you have family locally who can help?

I've struggled working PT with my two over the last decade.

Macca84 · 22/05/2019 20:56

I done similar when my daughter was also 2 and I'm soooooo glad I took the opportunity! It allowed my to work my way up into a senior position I'm now in with great pay and now for a great company who provides a great work/life balance. I don't like I "missed out" too much. Though a strong work ethic was drummed into me from a young age - you study, then you work full time to pay for shit!

Teddybear45 · 22/05/2019 20:58

As your dd reaches school age you will have 3-4 salary increases and maybe a promotion so I bet you will be a lot better off. Go for it. I think it’s worth it to guarantee your future financial security as a family.

frenchknitting · 22/05/2019 21:11

Can you find a childcare provider who will give her tea? Lots of nurseries that are open for those hours will do 3 meals, which will take the pressure off?

Shylo · 22/05/2019 21:18

I’m a single parent who works full time, but only with a lot of help from my parents ..... in your position I wouldn’t move for £100 a month extra and so much extra time away from home

Ignore your dad, another opportunity will come along - finish your training first , by which time your DD will be in school potentially and logistics will be easier

Qsandmore · 22/05/2019 21:26

No don’t do it.

I’m a single parent to 3 and slowly took my time to work (back as I was doing well pre kids) back up to FT from 3 days a week but with some working from home and lots of travel.

I love my career, and am lucky to still get some time with the kids on the WFH days but I would have regretted missing those very early years, DD3 is nearly 5 now and I still miss things.

Don’t do it, finish your training and keep looking, accountancy isn’t so specialist that you need to make those kind of concessions to get ahead eventually.

BogglesGoggles · 22/05/2019 21:29

You are training so you are bettering yourself. Do bare in mind that a lot of accountancy training position aren’t actually full time contract hours but actual full time. If it’s a large firm then it is likely you’ll be expected to work late regularly.

TanMateix · 22/05/2019 21:32

I think you can’t, nothing is 100% predictable when commuting. I would say you will be arriving late to work or late to pick her up from nursery unless your nursery opens 7 to 7.

It is perfectly doable to work full time as a single parent with no additional help, as long as you can work within the nursery opening hours and afford the costs of wraparound care.

I would let this one go. 😕

waterrat · 22/05/2019 21:33

Please don't listen to your dad's negativity op. You will be under huge pressure with those hours. I am not a single parent but did all the pick ups etc from day one as husband had full on job - I worked three days a week when mine were babies and Jesus that was stress enough.

I know this is a naff thing to say. But you will never ever get the pre school days back. It is cheesy but honestly they go so quick.

I worried and stressed so much about my career when mine were under 4 ...now they are both at school and I can see so clearly how short those years are.

As a single parent I think you need flexibility . For 100 a month that is a crazy swap.

Honestly life and work life is long. Let your little one get to school and even then always seek flexibility if you don't have back up support.

waterrat · 22/05/2019 21:34

Your dad may have no idea at all what it means to be the sole adult in a small persons life.

Your daughter is little and will benefit from being with you a day or two a week. You are doing an amazing job if you juggle work and being there for her so don't listen to your dad.

notfromworcester · 22/05/2019 21:38

I'm quite senior at work now. Professionally qualified, work full time. I'm a single parent with teen dcs.

When I was first a single parent the dcs were 4 and 2. I did as little as possible other than look after them. I then worked part time in an entry level role for years and built up as they got older.

I'm so glad I did it that way. Your career can follow.

TanMateix · 22/05/2019 21:39

Forget about getting the preschool days back! As a single parent what you need to focus on is in getting your career back or your income up as the standard of living/opportunities you can provide for your kid depend fully on it.

But you need something that allows you to do that realistically. Another possibility is to put your kid in a nursery near work, so you are in time to both in the morning and at the end of the day (some may argue this is not fair on the kids but DS and I managed to build some very good communication skills talking to each other for 45 minutes twice a day when I took him to school)

Theclearing · 22/05/2019 21:45

Actually there are quite a lot of accountancy sector jobs that are part time! Especially for charities and smallish businesses etc.

Stick where you are and spend as much time as possible on getting trained.

Chocolate35 · 22/05/2019 21:46

I was in a similar position (poorly paid job with good hours v’s retraining with long hours). I put it off till my kids were in full time school and I’m really glad. 2 is really small to be left for twelve hours five days a week and you could end up burning out. £100 a month extra isn’t enough imo to give up that much of your life.

Viviene · 22/05/2019 21:50

I wouldn't.

user1471530109 · 22/05/2019 21:52

I'm a single parent and when dd2 was 2.5 I started a new full time job with a long commute. I took the dds with me. The oldest started a new school and her younger sister went into the school nursery.

Best thing I've ever done. We have now moved to that area. DC are happy, I'm happy. I don't have family support but I have built up a support network of friends through my parent friends.

Don't get me wrong. The 18 MTHS of commuting with 2 grumpy kids was hard work. I was on my knees. But it was the right decision for us. We spent the commute chatting and singing to the radio. We would often stop for dinner on way home!

Flip

1 2