Working full time as a single parent

[Houseonahill]

I have been offered a job and I don't know whether to accept or not (when I went for interview they said there would be scope as to times and days but offer has come back and it's m-f 9-5 with an hour and a bit commute either side)

My daughter is 2 and it means being in childcare 8.30-5.30 5 days a week. I have zero help from her dad or from family. She usually sleeps 7-7.30 we would have to leave the house at 8 and wouldn't get home till 6.15ish and she would still need to have tea. So it would mean her going to bed later and getting up earlier which seems unfair.

I currently work 3 days a week but much closer so we leave about half 8 and are back about half 5. Financially we wouldn't be much better off (about £100pm maybe less because I can't work out how much more it's going to cost in petrol) but it is in an industry I'd much rather be working in than I am at the minute. It's not a great job £9.60ph so not like I'll be passing up on 1000s.

Would you do it? Should I hold out and hope something part time comes up? Part of me feels like I'm being pathetic and part of me feels like I'll never see my DD and when I am at home with her I'll have to be doing house stuff as well as the guilt of upsetting her routine.

Don't do it. I did it as a single mum and I'll never get those years back with DS.

Thank you for all the replies. Very mixed responses (which is no bad thing) I have a lot to think about but I think maybe holding off would be best for now. I moved to a new area in March and DD started a new Child minder so I would prefer not to have to change her again if I can help it (but obviously will if it makes more sense time wise)

I am a single parent with one dd. When she was little I prioritised spending time with her and only worked 3 days a week.

I was skint for a really long time but as she got older and started school I gradually increased my hours and went back up to full time once she was at secondary school.

My career did take a hit but now I'm in my mid 40s with a full time managerial role. I don't regret it one bit.

Also bear in mind that while you might cope with full time now it actually gets harder for a few years when they start school. There will be inset days and school plays, and childcare for 14 weeks each year. Part time hours make that much easier to deal with.

If they hinted at flexibility in the interview can you go back and ask if the job is available on a 3-day week? The letter you got may just be a standard one and if the alternative is turning it down, what do you have to lose? Alternatively would 4 days be an option?

I did it in very similar circumstances as you, single mum, no help. Went for a job which said the hours were negotiable, but when offered it was 37.5 hours, all or nothing. It was in the NHS, and a band I had been trying to achieve for a long time. I knew if I turned it down, it would be a long time until such an opportunity came again.

Roll forward 2 years and I went for a promotion again, and negotiated 3 days a week. And for the next 10 years, every promotion I've gained has come with the same hours. My child didn't suffer for those 2 years I worked full time. I very much doubt she even remembers. But taking that opportunity set me up for my career, and I don't regret it. We had later nights where I didn't want her to go to bed as I'd missed her, but I massively made up for it at the weekend. Just go for it.

Have you actually asked whether it can do it part time? Lots of employers just don't think probably and assume everyone wants full time, especially if it's what they might call a "grad level" job. Don't turn it down without first asking whether you can do it part time. No actual reason why accountants can't work part time.

Agree that it is harder once they start school. Far more variables for a while.

I wouldn't take it if you can manage financially without it. I'm a single mum working 3 days a week. I find it pretty tiring, and my DS complains about nursery being too long.

I don’t think being ft is necessarily bad for children. At this age they are very flexible and if you have a good provider they can thrive.

But I would look what the new job offers you long term. How are developing opportunities? Can you stay long term and have a career? Will they pay for additional certifications or training?

When I returned to work and DD started nursery she was there from 8am - 5.45pm. Home around 6pm, dinner to be cooked and in bed around 8pm. She got up at 6.45am. I think that may be the reason she napped at the weekend longer than some of her friends but it did work really well. We love the meals together, she had a snack at nursery and I did fast dishes like pasta or reheated curry, baked potatoes with chicken etc.

I actually found the early school years the worst for working, I was glad DD knew the score by then and I was at a position at work I could work from home or take time off for, In the eyes of my boss, mundane things like parent evening.

I'm a single parent and I work full time a flexible job. I'm not office based as such, and that helps. My DCs are now of an age where they don't need childcare as such so it is easier.

There is a lot to be said for finding the right job. You mention studying and my only thought is whether the commute will make you so tired you won't feel like studying in the evening. I do a similar commute on the days I travel but it isn't daily. I don't think I could do it five days a week. I pay around £50 a week in fuel on a heavy week and the driving makes me very tired.

I am not a great person to ask about this because working like this as a single parent with a commute over 1 hour each way (and I have teens) is killing me. I wouldn’t do it for that money either. I am paid more than that (not that much!) and I have just resigned as I found a new job. I have no life right now except rushing in to cook and bung washing on then pass out in bed then start again the next day

I wouldn't do it. I worked 3 days as a single parent, when DS was little. As he got bigger I went up to 4 then 5 days, under pressure by my employer. Tbh I wish I'd stayed at 3. The work/ life balance is so much better and there are always other little jobs you can do (freelance book-keeping in your case) to keep extra money coming in.
Don't put yourself under that stress!

Don't do it... wait until something better comes up or go back to them and see if they'll reduce the hours??

My kids did those hours because me and DH both worked (nearly) FT. It doesn't seem to have harmed them.

However, you will feel very busy and rushed all the time. Maybe worth it for a year to get experience in accountancy?, but I would only take it if it could be a stepping stone elsewhere within a reasonably short time.

One other thing - if you don't finish till 5, and it's over an hour each way, so surely she'll be in childcare until after 6? Not 5.30?

To go f/t with a long commute, you need full wraparound care at her age. Can you source a childcare solution that includes breakfast club and dinner/tea? If so, how does that affect the potential income - does it fit your budget? It might be a good opportunity but you shouldn't "pay to work". If the costs are not worth it, I'd hold out for a better opportunity. And don't forget the additional travel costs - petrol isn't free. x