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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WELP my friend is losing her shit

68 replies

Lefty1 · 22/05/2019 19:42

I posted a while back in relationships about a dear friend of mine who had been sent a screen grab from a new Instagram account with a flirtatious conversation. My friend chose to stick by the guy at the time but has since found out he has been cheating on her , multiple times with various girls that she actually knows.

So now she is going bonkers , she has set up profiles of him on various gay dating sites , detailing his number , uploading his nudes to these sites . She’s set up a duplicate Facebook account of him , uploading the nudes , videos , basically everything 🙈.
The latest update I have is that she is on her way to the gay village in our city to air drop his telephone number around with the inappropriate videos .
I didn’t even know what airdropping was until today Confused
I have text and called her repeatedly to say that what’s she’s doing is illegal and she could to prison but she is ignoring my calls and isn’t at home (I assume she is out airdropping in a fury around the gay quarters )
Has anyone managed to successfully talk someone down in a similar situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lefty1 · 22/05/2019 21:00

@hazell42 her mum lives in the city centre so yes actually very near to the gay quarter.
I knew which bar she was in as it was showing on my Snapchat map so really wasn’t a long search .
That break it down enough for you?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lefty1 · 22/05/2019 21:02

@Bigmango thank you !

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 22/05/2019 21:03

Posting nudes, that's probably under "Revenge porn" As scummy as he is, she's the one who's gonna get punished.

Patroclus · 22/05/2019 21:03

This is the problem I have with 'hilarious' revenge on ex stories that we see or read about. Actually slapping or doing stuff like this to an Ex in reality is a terrible idea but its represented as 'empowerment'.

DerelictWreck · 22/05/2019 21:05

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EmeraldShamrock · 22/05/2019 21:11

No one can ever be sure of a troll thread, I am not getting any troll bells.
It is very believable in the social media world.
OP you were right to contact the ex to try and defuse then situation, before he called the Garda, you managed to limit the damage for the time being from her actions.
It sounds like she is shaving a breakdown. Sad
If your friend is employed in any healthcare she will be sacked, I watched a programme of a young carer in the UK, she was charged and lost her job over revenge porn.

MashedSpud · 22/05/2019 21:12

I wonder if the Daily Mail will scoop this one up?

EmeraldShamrock · 22/05/2019 21:15

She’s set up a duplicate Facebook account of him , uploading the nudes , videos , basically everything
The latest update I have is that she is on her way to the gay village in our city to air drop his telephone number around with the inappropriate videos
The majority of damage was done when the OP started the thread.

Original poster
Lefty1 · 22/05/2019 21:15

@DerelictWreck she had been making profiles throughout the day which I had no knowledge of until I caught up with my messsges from her , I work in the day and have a little one to look after. The lastest msg from her (prior to me starting the thread) was a voice note saying she was going to start “air dropping in the gay quarters”. I called her and text her to let her know about the seriousness of it .
I think I’ve explained the circumstances enough . All this drama has made me tired , especially with it being on such a spurious night like a “Wednesday” ! 👍🏼

OP posts:
Original poster
Lefty1 · 22/05/2019 21:17

@EmeraldShamrock thank you for explaining , had I known sooner I would have attempted to intervene a lot sooner 🙈

OP posts:
minou123 · 22/05/2019 21:22

Lefty - i understand why you asked for advice on mumsnet.

It's hard to know what to do in this case because she is your friend.

Sometimes it's better to ask strangers for objective advice, because we dont know you, your friend or her ex. Whereas friends and family advice may be influenced by the fact they know you, friend and ex.

You're a good friend, you tried your best.

Original poster
Lefty1 · 22/05/2019 21:25

@minou123 thank you , I also didn’t want to start talking to our mutual friends for advice as I wanted to try a keep a lid on it as much as possible without encouraging more gossip where we all live , i know that many people will have probably seen the duplicate Facebook of him but didn’t want to add fuel to the fire if that makes sense . Thanks again for your kind words

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 22/05/2019 21:35

Why did you beg him not to call the police? She made the choice to do this, repeatedly. She ignored your warnings. She was sober when she started it. She really deserves the punishment for doing this; she shouldn’t get let off because you begged in her behalf.

Coronapop · 22/05/2019 21:37

Just keep in mind that you are not responsible for your friend's actions. She is. So at some point you need to stop worrying about her,and stop trying to intervene.

Maryann1975 · 22/05/2019 21:46

She really deserves the punishment for doing this; she shouldn’t get let off because you begged in her behalf
I agree with this. If a man had done this to a woman, I would be furious on her behalf and that doesn’t change because it’s a man who has been wronged. It is quite rightly a criminal offence and she deserves to be punished for it, regardless of her reasons for doing it (and I do agree he is a bit of a tosser for cheating, but he did not deserve this to happen to him).

minou123 · 22/05/2019 22:05

Lefty 1 - makes perfect sense. If you started asking friends then it would add extra problems. If you friend is already blaming you for calling her mum, she definitely would have been cross with you for telling mutual friends.

I agree with coronapop, your friend is an adult, she makes her own choices. Please try to stop worrying and please do not think if there was anything else you could have done. There wasnt.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/05/2019 22:19

Why did you beg him not to call the police? She made the choice to do this
I think I would do the same initially , to protect my friend, OTOH her actions were in really bad taste if I was my brother or DS, I'd report her.
Even if she is truly remorseful, it is a nasty crime.

GabsAlot · 24/05/2019 20:13

You done all you could im sure in hindsight she'll apologise for her behaviour to you

If the ex wants to phone the police thats up to him now

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