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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WELP my friend is losing her shit

68 replies

Lefty1 · 22/05/2019 19:42

I posted a while back in relationships about a dear friend of mine who had been sent a screen grab from a new Instagram account with a flirtatious conversation. My friend chose to stick by the guy at the time but has since found out he has been cheating on her , multiple times with various girls that she actually knows.

So now she is going bonkers , she has set up profiles of him on various gay dating sites , detailing his number , uploading his nudes to these sites . She’s set up a duplicate Facebook account of him , uploading the nudes , videos , basically everything 🙈.
The latest update I have is that she is on her way to the gay village in our city to air drop his telephone number around with the inappropriate videos .
I didn’t even know what airdropping was until today Confused
I have text and called her repeatedly to say that what’s she’s doing is illegal and she could to prison but she is ignoring my calls and isn’t at home (I assume she is out airdropping in a fury around the gay quarters )
Has anyone managed to successfully talk someone down in a similar situation?

OP posts:
PerfectionistProcrastinator · 22/05/2019 20:26

She’s committing a serious sexual offence and could get put on the sex offenders register.

Despite the circumstances it is an extremely shitty thing to do....not that you don’t know that of course!

Not sure there’s much more you can do though.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 22/05/2019 20:27

I hope he calls the police,revenge porn is criminal offence and can attract penal sentence
She needs to get legal advice
If it proceeds to police contact If she has a job with enhanced DBS eg public sector or care/ education sector any cautions upward will show

ThatCurlyGirl · 22/05/2019 20:29

Fucking hell. He'd be well within his rights to pursue this with the police.

Yes it's shit when you're cheated on and I've been there but she will legally be seen as having launched a sustained campaign of harassment on multiple platforms - it really could be serious.

You've done your bit though OP if someone is in self destruct mode sometimes the only thing that works is severe consequences.

sergeilavrov · 22/05/2019 20:31

In terms of talking her down, it sounds like it's resolved now - but I'd have kept her talking on the phone she's presumably using to send these images while sending her location to her mum to collect her. Asking questions about what he did, the cheating, as women tend to respond with discussion to emotionally charged questions. That would have at least reduced the flow of her actions. If she was determined to continue, I'd have reminded her of the conversation about revenge porn and asked her how many of the images had his face on. This would likely jog a self-preservation response with her, and get her to take pause.

I hope her mum has found her by now. He sounds like a deeply unpleasant individual, yet revenge porn is a criminal offence (and for good reason). It is unlikely she is prosecuted, particularly if she can come to some form of agreement with the man to delete the image altogether and not mention the cheating to others, but if she somehow is - unfortunately, it's only a communication offence and so doesn't come with anonymity for him. It would be a difficult trial for him, given the nature of these images and his past behaviour. (I don't agree with what your friend did at all, but she should be aware of the terribly inadequate legal system around the offence she has committed if she is charged)

Aquamarine1029 · 22/05/2019 20:34

Watch your back, op. You know what she's capable of, so don't be surprised if she turns her wrath in your direction. If she does, go to the police immediately.

SouthernComforts · 22/05/2019 20:35

This reply has been deleted

No troll hunting please

ThatCurlyGirl · 22/05/2019 20:35

If you think she's been drinking please call the police with her number plate and likely location. I nearly died 18 months ago because of dickheads doing that, they fucked my life up and I'm still picking up the pieces after surgery galore.

Please please call the police if you think she might be drink driving - it's not overreacting it's saving lives, kids are out playing at this time of year while it's still light in the evenings. She'd never forgive herself if she hurt someone.

Original poster
Lefty1 · 22/05/2019 20:38

I did try to keep her talking but she hung up , I called back and no answer , she text me with “Fuck off”.
Her mum has let me know that she has her now and is driving her home. I’ve told the ex that her mum has my friend and will talk to sense into her , I’ve literally pleaded with him not to contact the police which he has said he will do but if anymore profiles are created or images are uploaded he will be straight onto the police. What a mess

OP posts:
SpecterLitt · 22/05/2019 20:38

Her anger is justified, her actions are not, they are illegal and she is just nasty for going to such an extent.

I think you have done all you can, just step away and let her family help her see sense.

Her ex would be fully reasonable to report her as what she has done is horrible, but here's hoping they all move past this. Although what she has done will have severe implications on his life. This is not the way to deal with a cheating partner/ex.

OP, just keep away from it for your own sanity, you will not be able to reason with her until she calms herself down.

justasking111 · 22/05/2019 20:39

You are a caring friend. Do not feel guilty you did everything you could.

Original poster
Lefty1 · 22/05/2019 20:41

@SouthernComforts on an anonymous forum ? Where I’m not outing her ?
I’ve been grasping at straws trying to think of a way to help my friend which thankfully now I’ve managed to do (I think) . I’ve came here for advice in before and it’s served me well so DFOD

OP posts:
Original poster
Lefty1 · 22/05/2019 20:44

@SouthernComforts and in terms of being very dramatic for a Wednesday night , sorry but dramas happen not just on the weekends you know ? People find out bad news even on Mondays ! Shock horror !

OP posts:
Jacksback · 22/05/2019 20:45

Gotta ask
dfod ?
Well done on calling her mum , she sounded out of control c

MissSmiley · 22/05/2019 20:46

DFOD = Do fuck off dear

shushymcshush · 22/05/2019 20:47

You did well OP, what a caring friend. Your actions managed to bring this to a hopefully much swifter conclusion than otherwise would have happened.

She'll still be in fury mode though, so be warned. Hell hath no fury and all that.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/05/2019 20:48

Oh dear, she is gone over the edge excusing you, well done calling her DM.
She'll be in serious problem for revenge porn.
Let her cool off, you have done your bit.

Jacksback · 22/05/2019 20:50

Thanks miss smiley
Love that one

LonginesPrime · 22/05/2019 20:53

you're a shit mate for posting a running commentary on the internet

^ This.

When I read this, I was going to say that I would distance myself from her behaviour, especially since you're acknowledging that she's doing it and the ex is contacting you - she's a grown up and her behaviour isn't your responsibility.

But it sounds like you're enjoying the drama, so I guess just crack on.

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 22/05/2019 20:53

Seriously hope he reports her to the police. She’s hurt, I get it, but she’s breaking the law and behaving like a total dick.

Original poster
Lefty1 · 22/05/2019 20:53

And yes her mum has driven her back home in her mum’s car and left my friend’s car in the city , that’s also why I was worried , I could see things really spiralling and perhaps her physically hurting someone behind the wheel . Thanks to the posters who thought calling the mum was needed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lefty1 · 22/05/2019 20:55

@LonginesPrime right 🙄

OP posts:
hazell42 · 22/05/2019 20:57

This reply has been deleted

No troll hunting please

FermatsTheorem · 22/05/2019 20:57

She's well and truly fucked up the whole of the rest of her life - that's revenge porn, and as a PP pointed out, she might well get a custodial sentence.

Sorry you've been caught in the middle of this, OP, you sound like a good friend to her, but unfortunately she's lost the plot so seriously and done something so wrong that there's nothing you'll be able to do to fix this for her.

QueenintheNorth7 · 22/05/2019 20:58

I’m pleased her mum has her now and I hope she gets help!

Bigmango · 22/05/2019 20:59

You’re a good friend. Hopefully she will see that in the long term.