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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DS' school?

37 replies

User3billion · 22/05/2019 17:37

DS is in Y6 at school. There are several sports tournaments throughout the year & in our area they're usually split to Y3/4 and Y5/6

DS is not a naturally sporty child & but is enthusiastic. He missed out on being picked in the main football & rugby tournaments earlier in the year as he wasn't one of the better players/doesn't play for a team outside school. He was naturally disappointed but understands why he wasn't picked. He played in a lower football tournament & competed in indoor athletics because no-one else wanted to

He's come home from school yesterday really upset that he's not been picked for the school cricket team. It's the one sport he plays outside school (there's only 2 kids in the class that do) and he's actually quite good at it.

He asked me to message the school & ask why he wasn't chosen, based on previous teams being picked based on kids playing the sport. The reply I got said as it was towards the end of the year that they were giving kids a chance who hadn't played much sport. This isn't actually the case when you see who's been picked.

AIBU to be bloody annoyed with the fact that they've changed the criteria for entry into a team?! I don't know what I expect to be done at this point I'm just upset for DS who'd been pinning his hopes on getting 'his chance' when cricket came around.

OP posts:
Northernparent68 · 22/05/2019 18:04

i Think you ‘re approaching this from the wrong angle.

Whatever selection process they use, someone will loose out and not get picked.

Tell your son the truth, sport in schools is badly taught, and there is Huge amount of favouritism, what he does outside school is far more important.

Original poster
User3billion · 22/05/2019 18:08

If they'd stuck to the original criteria he'd be picked though! That's the frustrating part. He wasn't picked for other sports because he didn't play for a team. He plays for a cricket team but now that's not part of the selection criteria. How is that fair? It's all well & good telling him what he does out of school is more important but he's 11, to him playing for his school is a big deal!

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LIZS · 22/05/2019 18:11

The hypocrisy of sports team selection used to really annoy me. Bowing to parental expectations and focussing on certain dc who are favoured all rounders. Reply pointing out that the team selection does not seem to match that policy and ask the school to explain it to him. They may suddenly realise their "oversight". Hmm

mrsm43s · 22/05/2019 18:34

Are you sure that they have a "plays outside school" criteria? That is quite unusual. It tends to be "best" . It is possible, and not unreasonable, that if many children were of the same ability level that they chose those who don't play out of school, firstly as they are likely to have more natural talent than a child of the same ability who has been coached, and secondly to give them the chance to try something new.

ChoccieEClaire · 22/05/2019 18:46

I the selection process of school teams are so incredibly flawed. The teachers pick who they like or children of staff at the school. It's the same with prefects and other selected roles within schools.
Tell your som honestly that you don't feel it has been handled fairly. Life isn't fair and this is lesson 1 for him!
Encourage the out of school team instead and tell him that its better to do out of school clubs Smile

Original poster
User3billion · 22/05/2019 19:00

They have definitely used the "plays outside of school" criteria in the past. I've been there when it's been explained to DS. It was also criteria used for a gym comp for DD's year group.

They don't have trials so picking the best couldn't really happen as it isn't something they'd have observed (it's not Y6 teachers choosing the team).

The majority of kids picked are the "all rounders" but cricket is a bit different from football and rugby.

Definitely think it's going to have to be a really shit life lesson.

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nokidshere · 22/05/2019 19:02

firstly as they are likely to have more natural talent than a child of the same ability who has been coached

What a load of tosh!

My two boys have played cricket for the past 15yrs (since they were 5) Like most other sports there are times when selection seems very unfair. There were times when they were picked for school stuff, and times when they weren't. Usually it depended on how competitive the event was. If it was very competitive my two would always be chosen on ability and their out of school activities, if it was less competitive then they chose the children who wanted to have a go or who hadn't played in a team before.

Anyone wanting to do sport regularly and plays for a team needs to develop a thick skin fairly early on. There are lots of politics in play from quite young ages and the decisions, however unfair they seem at the time, usually have to be stuck to. Even now there are times when my youngest doesn't get to bat despite being a top scorer at the club, or my oldest doesn't get to bowl despite being a high wicket taker. And from talking to friends whose children do football/rugby etc it's a sport wide issue.

The best thing you can teach your son at this stage is resilience otherwise he is going to be very disappointed more than once.

Bunnybigears · 22/05/2019 19:08

With two sons who play 6 sports between them outside of school one in Primary one in Secondary I can guarantee that school teams are picked purely on teacher favouritism. It is an important lesson to teach your DS or he is going to spend a lot of time being upset.

Original poster
User3billion · 22/05/2019 19:26

He's used to the club 'politics' and is learning to be resilient in that respect. He's played at a club since he was 6 so is used to being picked/not being picked and at U11 the whole bowling 1/2/3 overs (they still all bat as it's pairs).

You're right, I need to help him with resilience in terms of school sport.

OP posts:
Original poster
User3billion · 22/05/2019 19:27

Plus dad plays too so we spend our summers at the cricket club.

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mrsm43s · 22/05/2019 20:19

I must be lucky then, because every team my children have ever played on has been picked on the basis of ability and attitude. Never seen it done on favouritism, unless you mean the teachers favouring those who are committed and work hard and dropping those who are talented but don't turn up to practise. Not that this is the case here. How do teachers even know who plays what sports out of school? Do they go round all the clubs in a 20 mile radius of the school and check? If this really is the criteria, then if your son really wants to play, then get him into those clubs. I suspect, however, the teacher was using this as a kind way of saying that they are picking the best players. This will quite often, but not always, correlate to those who play outside of school, as they will have had additional coaching, which gives them an advantage.

Original poster
User3billion · 22/05/2019 20:43

They know who plays outside of school because, shock horror, they ask them!
They also know that DS plays outside of school as he took his winners medal in from a recent tournament.
It's a village primary with 30 kids in their year group, it's not difficult to know which kids play sport.

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Original poster
User3billion · 22/05/2019 20:45

Oh & it isn't a nice way of telling them they're picking the best kids. The member of staff told DD he wasn't picked for the rugby team as he wasn't good enough & they wanted to stand a chance of winning. He may as well have just told him he was shit. However, rugby isn't his sport, cricket is.

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Original poster
User3billion · 22/05/2019 20:46

*DS

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HolesinTheSoles · 22/05/2019 21:02

That does sound silly and very frustrating. I'd probably log it with the school as feedback. It's natural that since cricket is his sport and he'd been disappointed about the other teams that he'd want his time to shine once it was cricket season.

hullisactuallythegreatestcity · 22/05/2019 21:04

At our school they say that every child will get the chance to represent the school. It seems that they generally pick on ability, but have competitions that are more "open" so the less naturally sporty kids get a go. Parents do get annoyed if their kids seem to never get picked. It's tricky, though, as the PE teacher also wants the school to have a good chance of winning. There's definitely no "parents favourites"
OP I understand why you're pissed off. But there are probably kids who haven't done any sports tournaments yet, and your son has. At least he knows he is a good player to make his outside club proud. Primary school will be over soon anyway.

SilviaSalmon · 22/05/2019 21:05

that they were giving kids a chance who hadn't played much sport.

Surely your DS falls into this bracket, as he hasn’t been selected for any of the other teams?

mrsm43s · 22/05/2019 21:07

The reply I got said as it was towards the end of the year that they were giving kids a chance who hadn't played much sport. This isn't actually the case when you see who's been picked.

So why do you think the team members were picked? What do they all have in common?

It does sound as though your DS has already participated in a few sports events at the school, even if they weren't his first choice.

Purpletigers · 22/05/2019 21:11

I think the school has been very unfair to your son . I’m not sure you should just drop it, can you speak to the school again ? The criteria for choosing teams shouldn’t be chopped and changed when they feel like it .

ShawshanksRedemption · 22/05/2019 21:33

If your DS is in Year 6, he's only got another 7 weeks at primary school at most. That could be a factor on deciding teams; if the team will play after the summer holidays for example.

I don't think there is any harm in letting the school know that the criteria change has meant your DS is disappointed. But I'd be looking to the future, and looking at the cricket team for secondary now.

(I teach in school and my DS wasn't picked for the school football team despite attending training every week. They had better players than him so that's who went to important matches. He played on the team in the last week before he left primary school because the coach knew the cup had been lost, so it didn't matter so much. It was a tough lesson to learn.)

Helix1244 · 22/05/2019 21:34

I would sadky say toughen up. Secondary could be better or worse.

But if school see him been not naturally sporty they arent going to think he is better just because it's his sport etc. And it doesnt sound like they have past performance in cricket to take into account.

Original poster
User3billion · 22/05/2019 21:35

There's only 2 kids in the class who are cricketers, they could have picked them whilst still giving others a chance. Instead they've picked the 'sporty' kids who are picked for every sport they're available for plus other kids who are 'getting their chance'.
DS volunteers for most sports but doesn't get picked. He was asked if he'd do the athletics as no-one else wanted to. If he'd have thought for one minute that would exclude him from playing cricket he wouldn't have bothered.
His club are proud of him, he's developed loads over the winter & has captained his team to victory twice this year (rotating captain at U11 so every kid gets a turn). They're also gobsmacked that he hasn't been picked in the school team.

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Original poster
User3billion · 22/05/2019 21:38

He doesn't especially need to 'toughen up' given he's accepted not being picked for other teams throughout the year. He's been disappointed but understanding (surely you're allowed to feel a bit disappointed even when you get why?!)
In this instance though he's disappointed & frustrated as in theory it should be him.

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mrsm43s · 22/05/2019 21:53

Ok, so it sounds like the team was firstly "those who haven't had a chance to represent the school" with the rest of the places filled with "the best players" and your son is in neither group. It's that simple. Perhaps if it was "best players" only, your son would have made the cut, but do you really begrudge a 11 year old who's not been picked at all this year just one game?

Luckily he has already had the chance to represent the school in at least 2 events previously, and he gets to play and enjoy cricket out of school.

In secondary, it will almost certainly be "the best players" only that will get picked.

twelly · 22/05/2019 21:55

Totally agree with you op.
The school should be consistent.