To wonder why mumsnetters

[Aprillygirl]

find it impossible to put things in a pan or the oven in a normal manner. They're always throwing,lobbing,chucking,bunging and hurling things around in the kitchen. It's so unnecessary and quite frankly dangerous! Do they have signs on their doors 'Keep out flying joints of meat about' or 'Risk of injury by potato.Enter at your own peril.' Do their family have to don hard hats before entering? What IS this phenomenon that causes these people to be so aggressive towards their food?

Maybe they've digested and are putting to good use "On Writing" by Stephen King.

www.amazon.co.uk/Writing-Memoir-Craft-Stephen-King/dp/1444723251?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

main message: use active verbs and kill all adverbs. Good advice to everyone (apart from the OP who wants to read boring prose).

that other mn fave... picky tea.

I have literally never heard anyone say this other than on Mn, so I am holding onto my delusion that it's a kind of mass spoof, and that no one genuinely calls a semi-improvised cold meal by a term that sounds like what someone excavates from between their toes when foot hygiene isn't their strong point.

@DoneLikeAKipper I confess I have used the word flavour to ask pregnant friends if they know what flavour baby they’re having. You know, before it pops out shudder

Yes, Katsu, it's always dramatic 'blue lighted', 'almost died!'

And the fucking lasagne. Lasagne is fucking rank.

People never eat or drink, either, because everyone has misophonia and others chomp, slurp, guzzle, gorge, etc.

I blame Jamie Oliver for this.

He was always "wazzing" something in the food processor, and other such nonsense.

There are a lot of 'waltzing' husbands on Mumsnet.

"DH went out for a drink and waltzed in at 3am".

It's like they're all married to Len Goodman

I loathe 'pop'. 'Just pop the baby in a sling'. Hate hate hate it.

The DC wolf it down!

Unless they're teenage boys, in which case they 'inhale' their food.

I hate 'select'

I selected a top from my wardrobe.

You didn't, you chose one or picked one.

Select. Not having it!

The DC wolf it down!
Struck a chord. Hate "wolfing down" and "gobble up". WD worse, to me, when called "woofing down".

And when did everything become singular?
A red lip; a smokey eye; cigarette pant; even "jeans" can be "a jean".
Oh lord, I'm showing my age.

Oh, and people 'scarfing' food. Which is I assume emerged from 'scoffing', but which makes me imagine someone being strangled by a football scarf while trying to fit fifteen chunky chips in their mouth at the same time.

And Worra, thanks for that horrible mental image of a waltzing Len Goodman arriving home at three am and probably asking for sex in Cockney rhyming slang.

By the time you've 'grabbed' a sandwich, you've rendered it inedible in my experience. Just pick it up and eat it like a normal person.

@YetiAnotherName, oh no. You and I wouldn’t get on . It’s bad enough when my partner says things such as ‘I really enjoyed the flavour of that book’ - what, you like eating paper? Dinner will be a lot easier to prepare I guess .

Worst use of ‘pop’ imo is by healthcare professionals. “Just pop up on here so I can examine you.” Even worse if you’re pregnant and they’re calling you ‘mum’.

And the recipes for "lasagne" on here should be prosecuted under trades description.

" my children love liver and haddock lasagne" (no they don't, you are just channelling Annabel bloody Karmel again)
I don't use lasagne
I don't use tomatoes
I don't use cheese.

So you have a bowl of mince then? Huh?

I think we do need to read and nod, read and nod. Happy in the knowledge that no, these people are not hurling themselves through the door after their 12 hours in stilettoes and a Burberry mac, throwing their Bayswater onto the hall table, rolling up their sleeves and preparing a supper with 874 ingredients. Ingredients bought at farmers' markets or artisan bakeries.

They're staggering in with their Matalan anorak on, defrosting a couple of pizzas for the kids (which have probably NOT been made themselves- and frankly, who would want homemade pizza, I'm in Italy, and even here it tastes like a brick with tomato sauce on top) and having an omelette themselves.

Wouldn’t wazzing in the oven make it go out if it was gas?

Pop gives me the heebie jeebies. It’s just as bad as moist. Popping balloons is Ok. Anything else is awful. A pop of colour 🤮
Totally agree (not fond of "^this)

Baskerville and scoring his wife a SEEEEVEN!!

Same with the ones that have just given birth, they always have leaking boobs, an abundance amount of lochia and can’t speak to or see anyone for at least a week!

I think it's the bored Mumsnetters' way of living their dreams of becoming a best selling novelist. Trying to write annoying as fuck funny prose about menial drudgery to prove they have a grasp of the English language to forum readers everywhere!

Nobody "eats" either. They slurp, chomp, gobble, inhale, trough, etc....

Not an mn ism but "wait, what?!" is driving me mad. If you were bothered, you'd have listened when I first said it

And nobody just vomits. They all projectile vomit. Which is a specific thing, fairly unusual and not the norm. Sounds more dramatic I suppose. 🤷‍♀️

Is it unusual to projectile vomit?