To think this is unfair

[feelinghthelove]

My ex pays just £24 CMS for one of our children. I’m really struggling at the minute, I knew he’d hit the roof when I applied so I only applied for one of our children. He starts high school in September and I need some financial help. I keep it to one child so it would seem fair. Anyway, he’s since started paying £24 but then telling the children it’s for them and it’s for treats for them, like PS4 games etc. I’m lucky if I manage to get it to cover school dinner costs. Now I’m selfish because I’m not handing the money over directly to them for treats. He’s told them I’m selfish and I only ever think of myself. I’m so upset. He hardly sees them, doesn’t spend anything else on the them and to be honest I’m so tired of everything being thrown onto my toes. I feel like just cancelling the whole thing!

Why are you not applying for all the children ? What's not fair is him not paying for his own kids

No, you need to apply for it for all of this children.

Apply for the other children and then read the children what the cms website says the maintenance payments are for, and why (that it helps make mummy and daddy both pay for important things they need).

His attitude is appalling, don't feel put off.

I keep it to one child so it would seem fair.

Fair to whom?! Certainly not your kids, who the money is for. Apply properly for all children through CMS and ignore whatever your ex says about it. Teach the children about budgeting and how much things cost so that they know what the money is really for.

What the hell? Fair to who?

Apply for all the kids. Explain to the kids the money is for living expenses for them.

You need to apply for all of them! Do the fair thing for your children.

You're not getting enough money as you haven't applied for all of children?! You need to do that or you will continue to struggle and that's not fair on them.

Write down all your outgoings that affect the dc. Water, electric, food, clothes, etc. Show the ex and tell him not to say the money is for treats.

If you're dc are old enough, show them. I don't think it's ever too early to explain to kids that things cost money and sometimes there isn't enough money for treats. Tell them they can have a game, but then you'd have no electricity so you wouldn't be able to play it!

Apply for all of them. You are gaining absolutely nothing this way

What?! Who cares what he thinks - he needs to pay for his children £24 a week does not cover shoes/clothes/heating/school stuff/clubs/hobbies/food FFS

Also it's not about you or him, it's what's best for the children

Why are you only for one child. CMS now and claim for them all. £24 a week doesn't scratch the surface.

Thanks. I’ll add to the case today.
My anxiety just can’t cope with his bullying games, the abuse he’s put us through is unbelievable, I just didn’t want to rock the boat. I just want a quiet life. I thought by applying for one it would seem fair but he still isn’t happy with that and still emotionally abuses the kids.

Let him say whatever he wants. Apply for maintenance for all of your children.

How old are the dc? If they are old enough, you can start including them on explaining the family budget. Don't make it to refute their father, but just in general so they start understanding how much housing, food, bills etc are. Also, show them how much their activities, uniform, shoes, etc are. It is a good life lesson to learn the cost of things.

If they straight up ask you why you don't buy them play station, pull out the budget again and ask them where the money should come from?

What everyone else says. Claim for all of them and use the money to cover basics. Tell them how it's spent -bills, rent etc

Hopefully they're old enough to understand about money and budgeting, and how expensive everything is. If you sit down with them and explain, they might even pull him up on it, and ask him why he only pays for one child, not two.

How is that fair? He’s bullying you and in effect stealing from you, he has a legal not to mention moral responsibility to look after his children.
Tough up. No more. Apply for all the children, tell him to stop harassing you and tell the children ‘you dad is confused’ when he says nonsense to them. You need to be strong and take what you are entitled to, that is the only ‘fair’ solution.

Make him pay what the cm team say he should pay.put in a proper claim for all children.

£24 isn’t even what they have said, they’re still doing a calculation. That’s what he thinks he should pay!!

I just didn’t want to rock the boat.

OP, the boat is leaking and of course it’s not fair you’re having to scrape by and put up with his arsehole behaviour.

He’s never going to be your friend so by getting what your children are owed you have nothing to lose and something to gain!

Claim everything you can
He would complain if you claimed nothing and paid him

Remind yourself every day that you are the parent that your kids need, the parent who is there for them, who cares for them, provides for all their needs and has their best interests at heart

Who is he but a loser. In years to come your kids will see through him and want nothing to do with him

In the meantime change the subject and distract when they start telling you what he’s been saying. It’s all rubbish so why listen.

Claim for all children, it’s what they are entitled to.

WTF! Claim for all the dc ffs!

Wtf?! This is your ex and these are your children - why in the fucking world would you screw your kids over on what they’re useless father should be providing for them?!

How many children do you have with him? Not getting why you only claimed for one?

You need to apply for both children. If for example when he does his paper work he says he has 2 kids (or how ever many ) it will slow stuff down. Also if he claims he's paying for the other children it may drastically changel what you get as in your will get less. You need to do this nastylish man for every penny helps owes your kids.