To think this is unfair

[feelinghthelove]

My ex pays just £24 CMS for one of our children. I’m really struggling at the minute, I knew he’d hit the roof when I applied so I only applied for one of our children. He starts high school in September and I need some financial help. I keep it to one child so it would seem fair. Anyway, he’s since started paying £24 but then telling the children it’s for them and it’s for treats for them, like PS4 games etc. I’m lucky if I manage to get it to cover school dinner costs. Now I’m selfish because I’m not handing the money over directly to them for treats. He’s told them I’m selfish and I only ever think of myself. I’m so upset. He hardly sees them, doesn’t spend anything else on the them and to be honest I’m so tired of everything being thrown onto my toes. I feel like just cancelling the whole thing!

2 children. I’m just going through a bad patch at the minute. I haven’t claimed in 5 years. He’s self employed, I’ve read horror stories and it all seemed like too much stress. I work hard and I earn enough to keep us all comfortably. I’ve never asked him for anything. Simply because my mental health can not cope with the grief that comes with it. I keep him at arms length. Only my youngest sees him every other weekend. The eldest chooses only to have phone contact with him.
I claimed for one because I was desperate and I thought by claiming for one only he wouldn’t kick off and give me half as much abuse. He terrifies me. I don’t need his grief.

You seem afraid of him, maybe?

I know it can feel like it's easier to struggle along rather than unleash a whole heap of shit, but your kids deserve to have both parents contributing to their living costs.

Be strong, you got this!

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Definitely claim, you should have done it before unless he is generous with treats clothing and playstations? Why is youngest seeing him if he's abusive?
Don't understand how you are desperate and comfortable both at once, but if you've got spare money put it away for a rainy day or their education etc.

Normally we live comfortably I meant. I’m just down on my luck and health at the minute and having a bit of a rocky patch.
There’s a court order on place for contact. Unfortunately the courts weren’t interested in the evidence or police reports I presented at the hearing to show his abuse, since it was wasn’t towards the children then I guess they didn’t feel it mattered.
He wasn’t generous but if they asked they got, they rarely asked though, prob once every 6 months he’d buy them something the WANTED not needed. Now he’s telling them he “pays £24 so it’s your mums fault you lose out”

How old is the youngest? At 12 my ds went nc with exh...

He's a tossed, add your other child to the claim and block him

He’s 11. They go through periods of NC when they fall out, but that’s my sons choice, I don’t get involved. Some weekends he’s goes, some he doesn’t. When he does go it’s rare he even stays there, he only goes to see friends and most weekends ends up staying with them, I’m good friends with all their parents so they often come to me on the other weekend too.

Jeez get back on the phone and claim for all entitled children, what a knob!!

If he is playing your kids, sit down with them and show them a list of your household income and outgoings. Explain that essentials have to be paid for first.

Thank you. I think that’s the best way. Once they understand the cost of living maybe they’ll understand.