To wonder what kind of play date mum are you?

[FSid00]

My DD 6 has her friend over to play today. Am I the only one who wonders if I should be entertaining them or just leave them to play?

The last play date she went on the mum made slime with them and she had great fun. But at the moment I am just sat in the lounge while they play upstairs with some music on. She's given her friend the grand tour and pointed out everything in the house, even the cupboard under the stairs . They seem to be having fun without me interfering.

Do you get involved in play dates or just leave them too it?

Totally leave them to it! It's not my play date! That's part of the exchange really - friend entertains your DC and you ensure they don't fall down the drains / eat electrical cables/ get kidnapped or whatever for friend's parents.

I’m with you! The best ones are where they disappear upstairs and you don’t see them (and they eat what you cook)

At that age I would leave them to it but keep an ear out for squabbling.

Have an activity up your sleeve if they appear out of nowhere and say "We're bored"

Depends.

If they're happy to entertain themselves then I leave them to it and crack on with all he jobs I can't do when they're harassing me!

If I sense a bit of tension and it looks like they might fall out then I'll suggest they come and bake a cake/make slime/take a walk to the park.

If they're enjoy each other's company and having fun why spoil it? You're not wrong, the other play date was just a different kind of fun!

Leave them to it until they get bored and start getting noisy/boisterous/into mischief.
Baking fairy cakes always went down well with DD and her friends. I used to buy lots of sparkly sprinkles, box mixes, novelty cupcake cases and small patterned cardboard cake boxes so the friend could take her cakes home.
Keeps them occupied and all the mess to one room.

I'm a bit of an anxious playdate mum. I always worry if the other child is having enough fun or if they are bored, if they will like what we have to eat. My kids are really chatty so I hate when a quiet child comes round. I never know if they are having fun, never sure how hard to try to make conversation. It's weird, I'm not like that with adults at all.

I am currently watching the chase whilst my girls play with their respective friends, they occasionally come and ask for a drink other than that not a peep (they are 3 and 5)

I’m dreading going upstairs and seeing the devastation that has no doubt been created in their bedrooms but I’ll worry about that later.

Thought I was being boring leaving them too it but they seem happy enough!

No squabbling, yet! And they've eaten their dinner.

Nice glass of wine in the fridge for me later.

I would say leave them to it they will soon let you know if they need some amusement. It always amazes me how girls can just talk for hours!
When my DD has friends round we often make pizzas to have a fun activity and then decorate biscuits or have ice cream with sprinkles/sauce/marshmallows.
We've also done slime, crafts, colouring etc.
Enjoy your time to yourself and the wine later

I'm the "I'll take them to soft play/bowling/MacDonalds/the park" Mum. I find it stressful having strangers in the house

I try and arrange play dates where the other parent comes, which is probably because I'm a lone parent to 3 DCs so basically need another set of hands to have any extra. Also, most of my friends are lone parents too.

I think that letting them loose without structure is one of the best things you can do for them. Our poor kids these days are scheduled to within an inch of their lives, they love just going off to play and chat, and they need it for the development of their friendships etc. Keep an ear out for squabbles, but we never get them. Only when I’ve had a child with us for an entire day have they got cross with each other and needed a bit of distraction.

Dulcie yes that’s nice too. We sometimes ask friends from school for an ice cream on the way home, or if I get Vue mini mornings tickets then I’ll invite another kid. Then nobody even comes into the house and it’s a nice way for them to socialise on different turf.

Always left them to it. Dd is an only and the only reason to have other children round was to provide entertainment for her (and hopefully reciprocated).

She used to go on some play dates and come back with all sorts of random artwork and crafts that the mother had done with them. .

These would be the same children who would come here and just want to veg in front of the telly. Probably as an escape from over involved mothers.

Or play out and get filthy.

I only get involved in playdates if the child is tricky or the playdate does not seem to be going well ie they realise they don't want to play the same games etc.

Isn't the whole point of a play date to give you some time off ;-))

Oh god, I fecking hate play dates.

I leave them to it, but one day my DD went on a play date and did baking, crafting, pottery decorating (ok, a cheap IKEA mug, but still!) and made her own pizza and I felt very inadequate afterwards

I tend to leave them to it, but will intervene if kids start nosing in my bedroom / trashing bedrooms / throwing toys across the landing / breaking toys / jump on the sofa. Actually that was all the same kid

God when I was young this wouldn't have even been a question - no way would parents see it as their responsibility to entertain kids who had come over. I think it is ideal for children to create their own games and entertain themselves instead of having an adult direct things for them.

So I leave them to it, just making sure I can hear what is going on.

I have been on playdates where I have stayed to chat to the mum and she has expected us both to follow the kids from room to room throughout the playdate, so literally sitting with them on the floor of their bedroom. I'm not sure why.....

I've got 3 kids aged between 8 and nearly 14 and have been having kids over to play for over 10 years and am still doing "playdates" because of the youngest.

If you have to entertain them with structured activities they are the wrong kids for playdates with yours.

If they come and tell you they are bored they are the wrong kids for playdates with yours.

Having friends over should mean your kids go off and play.

The only time having your kid's friends over should mean work for you is when the child with a friend over has younger siblings prone to pester or disrupt/ invade the friends playing. In that case your job is to occupy your own younger child/ children with structured activities, not to lay them on for the one with a friend over.

I love my kids having friends over. I'm happy to have a house full. 6 or 8 kids including mine is great, bring it on.

You have to be selective though.

Do not invite the ones who think you're the hired entertainment back.

Do not ruin a delightful free flow unstructured self sufficient playdate by trying to outdo someone else who behaves like a CBBC presenter/ holiday club entertainer/ early years teacher doing an observation lesson... Leave them alone or you'll ruin a good thing and set expectations for the next 6 years!

Playdates should make your life easier, not harder.

Stick with that and the next 6 or so years until playdates become teens hanging out will be a breeze.

The one you have over sounds potentially like a keeper Don't wreck it...

Leave them to it but keep an ear out. Limit the duration and aim to have them sat down to tea halfway through.

DD's friend has just gone home. We ended up at the park for the last half hour as I needed to walk the dog.

They seemed to have great fun. Without me needing the get involved which is a bonus . I got to watch some tv in peace and it was actually easier than when just my two are here.

Friend was lovely and no trouble at all, she can come again!

Thanks for all your advice x

I'm the sort of play date mum who always has Prosecco in the fridge and invites the other mum to stay and drink it with me while the kids play

Glad it went well @FSid00 it is much easier than entertaining then yourself when it's the right friend!

Can't deal with the ones who expect entertainments! I mostly avoid entertaining my own as much as possible. In fact that's why I have so many in the hope they'll entertain each other!

I'd leave mine to it if possible. They are 5 and 7 but 7yo has ASD and needs supervision. She demands attention a lot. If she is invited to a playdate, which is rare, I go with her. I'm so jealous of parents whose kids just run off and play!

Oh yes @getback they are the best play dates! Although I think Tequilla is more fun

@getback can our kids be friends?