Aibu in wondering why people are so nasty towards the Op sometimes?

[CynthiaRothrock]

Just that really. Don't get me wrong some times the op is clearly a troll/attention seeking. Fair enough, but in other instances the op is clearly stressed/worried and makes a mistake and certain posters start tearing the op a new one, Nothing constructive to add to the post, and will post 3 or 4 times pointing out the mistake, even when the op corrects themselves.

For example a post the other day the op mis-labeld a member of her family she said "my aunt" instead of my sister or my daughters aunt. And that was it, posters pecking at her and generally being nasty and horrible because in her worried/ stressed state she wrote the wrong thing. It did make the post confusing but even after the op corrected herself people still kept asking why she had made such a mistake, why did she say aunt and not sister etc.

Another one today. Op stated she had gotten some information from A. But she made a mistake, she got the information from B. It doesn't make a difference to the ops' original aibu where the information came from. Yet posters are again demanding to know why she said A when she actually ment B. It is clear the op is under alot of stress and not having a good day. She has corrected herself and apologised for the mistake. Now posters are demanding to know why she made this mistake, and why B has given her this info ( again where the info came from is irrelevant to the original post). It is very sad to read some of the comments.

Why do people feel the need to do this? Especially when it is clear the op is struggling. It just derails from the thread and usually results in the op not getting the advise they came for. It is a anonymous forum, does it really matter if the facts are exact with perfect SPAG as long as the post is understandable (and not a complete piss take)?

People are getting responded to not just on the back of their post but based on 20 posts that went before them. People can’t help but treat a new post like a continuation of 20 other posts. So someone innocently asked if they might be pregnant (the biggest and scariest thing for them that year) and posters are sick of that question having politely answered it the first 10 times so answer all arsey.

I've noticed there is often a "pack" mentality to how people respond. Anyone who dares to go against what the "pack" are saying are themselves attacked. I have often not replied with an alternative view for fear of becoming a target myself. Just like being back at school really

People are also picking up the tone and memory of one shitty poster previously so it makes them think it’s ok to speak like that themselves. People are affected by people and unfortunately it’s human nature to ‘other’ people and make them feel less so that nasty time sticks and carry’s through to other posts.

It just happens. Some people are dicks who come on for sport, some people deliberately derail a thread to get it pulled, some are MRA who hate mumsnet and want to kill it from the inside, some people really need to get laid, some are just bored trolls or PBP..... And on it goes. Take your pick.

Rule of thumb, have a thick skin if posting threads, tune out the shite and pick up the helpful posts. It's the only way to stop it really.

And finally, mumsnet does start to have a collective voice in frequently covered topics. Then people rely on and repeat that collective voice.

Taat

I think sometimes the "innocent" mistake is a sign that the OP is making it up.

That thread with info A or B is a little bit questionable now. It wasn't just that OP mixed up a name it just threw a whole other light on what was happening (if I'm thinking of the right one)

Otherwise you aren't wrong. The treatment of some OPs us appalling. I've noticed though that the first few replies set the tone and everyone else joins in.

It's because I'm real life you get social cues eg someone's facial expression falls or their tone of voice falters if you are mean to them. Online there are no social cues, it's anonymous and people don't really think about the person at the other end of the internet.
There is a lot of research on it. I believe there was some done here in MN recently, but I don't know the results.

I completely agree. I saw a post where the problem seemed like a bit of a non issue to me, but we all have our insecurities and this was obviously a big deal for the OP. There were so many "ffs OP get a grip" comments. Completely unnecessary.

I've posted in the past for advice and some people get stuck on details that are not relevant at all!

Yanbu.
That would be because obviously the ones who comment live absolutely perfect lives with perfect husbands and families and always, always make the right decisions in life - god help the poor plebs like the op who don't live amongst perfection and make mistakes!

Oh and don't forget when they demand an answer ask a question the op must answer, usually straight away, or they'll they keep asking "for the second/third/time why have you...?"

I suppose when there are internal inconsistencies in the story, people think that perhaps it's made up. There have been instances of threads on here ending up in the Mail or the Mirror, and I occasionally see OPs on here that read like someone fishing for a load of bitchy comments so that some journo can write a piece emphasising how horrible women are to each other. But I simply don't join in on those types of thread, rather than piling on.

I don't know what answers you are expecting. People post here as individuals. As in RL there is every type of personality on here. Some people are arseholes.

Some of it is because people can't seem to venture out of AIBU half the time.

I get that to a degree but surley (8 times out of 10) the title gives away what the post is about so if its going to annoy you that much to be a complete twit to the op surely either dont click on it or read on scroll on?

The one today really annoyed me. It was irrelevant where the info came from, really made zero difference to the original question but nearly derailed the thread because a couple of posters won't let it drop that the op typed A instead of B. It is clear the op is stressed with the situation and mistakes happen. She corrected herself and apologised for the confusion (it really didn't make any confusion as it was irrelevant) yet same posters saying "but why did you say A and not B? Are you a troll? Get your facts straight" then demanding to know how B got the info in the first place (again nothing to do with the original post)Its rude horrid and in some cases bullying behaviour.

It's harder typing an issue than talking about it in real life. It's easy to get things muddled up.
I hate it when people whinge about a "drip feed". Sometimes people forget to put info in

Hollow not a taat at all. I am speaking about aibu in general. I have given examples from previous threads but this is not about a single thread specifically.

Thats was the slavery thead wasnt it?

I don't think I've read these threads but in my experience simple errors like this tend to be trolls.

I don't understand why it's frowned upon to ask the OP questions.

If you suspect bullying then report to MNHQ.

I find it really irritating when the OP is accused of lying or not telling the whole story.

If you start a thread without the whole story, the responses aren't going to be relevant to the real situation so why would you?

Suspect that those who do this enjoy accusing people of lying because they know they can't defend themselves and they get a bit of a power trip.

I think there are posters who wouldn't dream of being so vile to people in RL and forget that doing it on MN can cause just as much harm as doing it to someone's face.

The mob mentality can be upsetting. If 50 people have given the OP the same unpleasant message, why would you pile in and add another? Kicking people when they're down must be fun for some people.

Yes, I notice this too.

Some of the internal inconsistencies we spot in threads might be people trying not to reveal too much real life info. I would rarely pick up on these myself unless there was a blatant contradiction or it was fundamental to the question or message in the post. Unfortunately you can't easily tell the difference in a thread between someone letting their guard down on their online ID and a troll tripping over a lie.

I remember seeing a thread where someone asking for advice about her kid's education descended into her being called a bad mother by a pack of MNers because she hadn't done what they would do in that situation or made choices they would have made leading up to it. She had come looking for support and advice as she wasn't sure how to handle things and could easily have been left feeling even less able to sort out the situation than before.

Some people are robust enough to handle a few aggressive posts and come out with all guns blazing to defend themselves. Others don't have the same resilience and I suspect they slink away.

Goldmandra

I know the idea is hated on MN but I do wonder whether a "like" button would stop the business of 50 virtually identical comments being posted? Clearly posters want to register their views so you get the same thing over and over when maybe the ability to just agree with an existing post would stop the repetition?

Details that don't exactly add up don't mean trolls necessarily. Everybody is strongly advised to change some details and stay vague, so it's harder to describe a story. If you are too vague, like mentioning a "hobby", an irate mob demands to know what the hobby is.

Sometimes I think people are not really nasty just honest. No, they wouldn't tell you in real life what they are writing here, but they think it and would say it behind your back whilst discussing it with partner or friends.
So in real life you might be surrounded by "poor you, but of course you look great, your neighbours are unreasonable" whilst behind your back the comments will be "what a cheeky cow have you seen the state of her".

In real life, no one will tell you that yes, it's very rude to do this or that, but of course they will think it.

So you might have trolls on here, but you also have an honest reply that you won't get in real life.

Unicorn no I havent read that one. The one that annoyed me was about a child and ss.

Sparking - not frowned upon at all. I have asked op questions when something hasnt been clear. I am talking about incessant unnecessary nit picking.

Yes some are trolls and need weeding out. But sometimes the post is obviously not a troll yet posters insist on finding flaws or derailing the thread over unnecessary info. Such as : a and b joined me for coffee. A insulted me and i stormed out. Aibu? And you get responses like : but why didnt B say anything? Why did b not follow you?

Who knows why b did or did not do some thing? The poster is not b, she can not read bs mind yet everyone wants to know about b. The post is not about b its about a! Etc

Totally agree with the pack mentality on here. I am fairly new and posted one myself, got attacked by one very agressive responder.
Have replied to a few threads, given a supportive opinion but which differed from other and was called ‘pathetic’.. really upsetting. Thinking of quitting as their are some nasty people about. Would they say these things if they weren’t hiding behind their phones.. I would guess not!

It's a shame AIBU is the section with all the traffic, there is so much support available on employment and mental health boards but you wait ages for a couple of replies.