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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go after revenge for thief who stole my savings

70 replies

ilovemycatmorethanyou · 20/05/2019 14:25

Not really an AIBU, more of a WWYD?

Many years ago, around 20, I was involved with a very unpleasant individual, bit of a long story but essentially he defrauded me out of £7000 by forging my signature on an endowment. The police were involved and after months and months of example signatures from both of us the case was
Proved inconclusive and he was able to pocket the cash and do a runner. I was never under a milligram of doubt he forged my signature but couldn’t prove it.

After years of never quite being able to get over it I put it in a box in my brain never to be opened! It was a lot of money then and as a young 20 something it meant I lost out on a lot.

Fast forward to today, via the beast that is social media he’s cropped up. I haven’t seen him since the day I left him but here he is smiling away into the camera.

There’s no address for him, but I can see some personal details. Would you be interested in revenge? What would you do? My head is telling me to forget it again but it’s an itch I’m feeling the need to scratch.

OP posts:

DippyDepannage · 20/05/2019 16:55

holding on to anger and bitterness is like holding a piece of hot coal, the only person it hurts is you

I had a shitty ex who ended up with half the value of a house I bought, long back story how it happened, I was angry and bitter, but in the end had to let it go, because it was hurting me, and making me into a person I didnt like, he didnt care how I was feeling.

The best revenge is to move on and have a good life

Oliversmumsarmy · 20/05/2019 17:01

holding on to anger and bitterness is like holding a piece of hot coal, the only person it hurts is you

For me I never forgive and I never forget. I get on with my life and don’t let it bother me day to day but it is there in the background ready and waiting if I cross paths again.

I find that some people think you forget their actions and act like they are your friend.

Usually I curse them then I move on.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/05/2019 17:11

The best revenge is to live well.

He has to live with himself every day, poor bastard. As a lying, cheating scumbag. The issue with all the pizza, fish through the door stuff is that you could be affecting others. Then you're the arsehole.

Just enjoy the view from the moral highground, it's lovely.

MrsLinManuelMiranda · 20/05/2019 17:23

I personally love a bit of revenge 'served cold'! However proceed with caution and consider ' Do you really need revenge, or would justice suffice?'

Gigglinghysterically · 20/05/2019 17:24

Stop wasting time thinking about this. Giving him any space in your thoughts is damaging you by making you feel bitter.

Revenge rarely makes decent people feel better. It would just take you down to his level. Rise above it and be the better person.

Iflyaway · 20/05/2019 18:04

Like a PP says, this will backfire on you in some way. Better not to go there.

Unlike her, I do believe in karma. He will get it. You don't have to bother yourself with the when and how. The universe will take care of it.

Who knows what's happened in his life? He might have had an epiphany and want to pay you back. Don't hold your breath though.

notanotherfucker · 20/05/2019 18:07

I would have to get revenge sorry... In one way or another. Does he have a partner can you see on Facebook? I would prob try and ruin his life..

Winterfellwonderland · 20/05/2019 18:08

Fuck him up!

mummmy2017 · 20/05/2019 18:11

Did he buy you any jewellery?.
Old plate at a bootsale...
A book.... From second hand store...
If so message him and tell him you forgive him, that the X he got you turned out to be valuable, you sold it for 50k.. So your now quits and you wish him well....

notanotherfucker · 20/05/2019 18:12

Tell us more about his life and what you can see in his page and I will get my revenge hat on

notanotherfucker · 20/05/2019 18:14

It's a good time too, whatever you do he will have not the foggiest it's you

SunshineCake · 20/05/2019 18:28

...jewellery?
Old plate at a bootsale...
A book.... From second hand store...
If so message him and tell him you forgive him, that the X he got you turned out to be valuable, you sold it for 50k.. So your now quits and you wish him well....

Or offer to give him half if he first pays you back the £7k.

I know..

babyno5 · 20/05/2019 18:59

OP write a "no send" letter. Detail what it did to you. When you're ready you can destroy the letter.
Honestly it's very cathartic x

DrFoxtrot · 20/05/2019 18:59

You can dream about shit parcels but you're best off blocking and moving on.

Happynow001 · 20/05/2019 18:59

Careful OP. There are now so many ways now of finding out where someone was if you did anything and there was a police complaint about you. He deserves something horrible but you don't deserve to get into trouble because of what he did.

IronManisnotDead · 20/05/2019 19:55

If the Police dropped it then they did that for a reason, not enough evidence. So with respect I suggest you move on and do the same before it lands you in trouble.

Herland · 20/05/2019 20:13

I look at it retrospectively. You want him to have a shitty life in the future, but the reason he found it so easy to lie and cheat is probably because he had a very shitty childhood. People with loving, secure, happy attachments in childhood very rarely grow up to be criminals who can lie and steal without shame.

You won't get what you need from revenge. But if you see him clearly for being the emotionally disabled child/man that he is perhaps you can see that you are in fact life's winner here.

Hearhere · 20/05/2019 21:56

In seeking revenge you are extending an invitation for retaliation

Hearhere · 20/05/2019 21:58

If he is as unpleasant as you describe then there will be a queue of people after his blood and he will get his just deserts
You should keep your hands clean

DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 20/05/2019 22:50

If he has a lawn you could use weed killer to spray £7,000 into his lawn, it won't show immediately but will be revealed over the following few days.

But, it is probably not worth it to do anything, will it get you the money back? I'd assume not.

Anything malicious you do could result in you being caught and arrested and you might end up with a criminal record depending on what you did. Not worth it.

Any money and time you spent on revenge (e.g. £5.00 or more on weed killer) would just be adding to the amount of money he has taken. Don't add to that, don't even let him take anything else from you, your thinking time etc, think of better people/things, something that is worth thinking about.

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