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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go after revenge for thief who stole my savings

70 replies

ilovemycatmorethanyou · 20/05/2019 14:25

Not really an AIBU, more of a WWYD?

Many years ago, around 20, I was involved with a very unpleasant individual, bit of a long story but essentially he defrauded me out of £7000 by forging my signature on an endowment. The police were involved and after months and months of example signatures from both of us the case was
Proved inconclusive and he was able to pocket the cash and do a runner. I was never under a milligram of doubt he forged my signature but couldn’t prove it.

After years of never quite being able to get over it I put it in a box in my brain never to be opened! It was a lot of money then and as a young 20 something it meant I lost out on a lot.

Fast forward to today, via the beast that is social media he’s cropped up. I haven’t seen him since the day I left him but here he is smiling away into the camera.

There’s no address for him, but I can see some personal details. Would you be interested in revenge? What would you do? My head is telling me to forget it again but it’s an itch I’m feeling the need to scratch.

OP posts:
UnicornBrexit · 20/05/2019 15:33

@eebagum - fraud and harassment. Why are you coercing other posters into breaking the law? you do know this does back track?

drquin · 20/05/2019 15:35

As virtuous as it sounds, the best revenge is not letting it affect you, or him knowing you've moved on.

I have an acquaintance who was similarly shafted .... and the love and support he got recently when he married someone else, a lovely woman, was in my mind the best revenge ever.
Of course he's been affected practically/ financially, unable to get mortgage etc - but he's now got so much more than that now.

Stay away from the fish 😂

NoBaggyPants · 20/05/2019 15:39

As frustrating as it is, let it go.

I've been through similar, someone stole £1000 from my home (a colleague I was letting lodge in my spare room), the next thing I knew he'd run off to Australia. Then he told work he'd left his kit (laptop etc) at mine, so I got investigated for theft. Luckily other colleagues came forward, I wasn't the only one he'd scammed, so I didn't lose my job. All I'd tried to do was help.

He's back in the UK now, and as tempting as it is, I have no proof of anything and I don't know what he might do if I even made contact. He's probably still a tosser who knows some very dodgy people.

Try to put it out your mind. Karma will catch up with them in the end.

Inmyvestandpants · 20/05/2019 15:40

"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die", said someone sometime.

It's hard, but you won't profit from revenge. Even if you made him lose £70,000, even if you gained the £7K back - you'd still feel the rage at the things you missed out on because of him. You have to let it go.

Irulez · 20/05/2019 15:42

There's a quote I loathe and love 'Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves'.

I try to live by that, as any time I have tried to seek revenge it has back-fired.

That doesn't mean that I don't seek vengeance or revenge.

Another quote is: Revenge is an act of passion; vengeance, justice. Samuel Johnson.

My father is convinced that if you're eaten up with hatred, you'll develop cancer Hmm

Sometimes, you just have to try to let things go. That can eat you up too, so I'm not going to answer.

My 'friend' screwed me over so much that I ended up 8k in debt (I loaned her 2k, she refused to pay it back, interest charges and fines and penalties brought it up to 8k). I suffered with depression, stress anxiety during my pregnancy as a result. I finally had to let it go as it was eating me up. I became so sick with the injustice of it, because I see things black and white, that I literally became really really sick.

The debt was finally written off but my credit rating has taken 10 years to recover.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 20/05/2019 15:43

As much as it would be soooo tempting to do something, if he’s happy to defraud people and go through the criminal justice system and lie, he’s not above being or doing something equally as horrid if he feels threatened by you. You may end up being the bad guy and making him into the victim. Chalk it up to experience and try and put it back in its box

filka · 20/05/2019 15:43

The police were involved and ... the case was Proved inconclusive

So if you made any public/online claims today you could find yourself on the receiving end of a writ for libel, with you now having to prove that it was true/fair comment.

Steer clear.

PlasticPatty · 20/05/2019 15:43

It's a shitty thing to have done but don't squat down to their level, you could try a first, second or turd time and still end up in the poo yourself.

Irulez · 20/05/2019 15:48

Also, the stress the bank put me under was unbelievable. I was pregnant, single, the bitch had changed her number, so I was left with this ever increasing debt, I'd get phonecalls everyday from the bank asking me to pay 120 per week back (my income was 180 per week, rent 105 per week). So the bank harassed and harassed and harassed me.
Honestly, if I saw the coke-head cunt again, I'd stab her (and I'm not a violent person), but she pretty much fucking ruined my life.

I was trying to be a normal friend, loaning her money until she could get her bank a/c sorted. What a fucking idiot I was.

toomuchtooold · 20/05/2019 15:53

My feeling on this sort of thing is, if he was the kind of person who would defraud someone out of 7 grand back in the day, what has he worked up to by now? He's a wrong un, don't do anything that would result in him knowing your address.

Irulez · 20/05/2019 15:53

Same bitch used to steal cash out of my wallet. I once asked another friend, 'wtf, I can't have spent 80 quid, I've only been here an hour - and she said - well Susan took it out of your wallet. I was like What? She said, yes she always takes money out of your wallet, I assumed you knew!' I was like 'why the hell didn't you tell me?? - Because I assumed you knew!'

MrsSnafu · 20/05/2019 15:55

Im with the pp who said...dig 2 graves. And the other who said like drinking poison yourself.

Sorry not attribute properly. Im in a rush .

Its 20 years ago. You must let it go.

Ive had similar. It eats you up.

Then you can decide, nothing is going to change, im just making myself miserable .

Its hard. But worth it.

FlowersCakeGin

AdoraBell · 20/05/2019 15:58

Depends on what you want to do. If you want to do as suggested - you owe me 7 grand- then yes, but if are thinking of using the personal details to do something fraudulent or dangerous then no.

Drum2018 · 20/05/2019 16:00

A bitter pill to swallow but I think you should let it go and do not invite him back into your life by commenting on social media or contacting him in any way, shape or form.

Yabbers · 20/05/2019 16:06

Could you contact his employers

What exactly do you think this will achieve?

Employer: we got an email saying you stole money
Him: that must be from my mad ex. Absolute nut job, makes up all kind of shit. Took me to court and everything, but thankfully the justice system worked as its supposed to. I’m well rid of that one.

FrogFairy · 20/05/2019 16:08

Consider the £7k the price of your freedom from the thieving prick.

The best revenge is a life well lived.

Yerroblemom1923 · 20/05/2019 16:17

Just trust that karma will fix it...I once had a friend/work colleague who turned on me for no apparent reason....I considered revenge however her life appears to have become one giant sh*t storm since...so......

SolitudeAtAltitude · 20/05/2019 16:20

if he pops up on your social media, you are popping up on his too!

Revenge wise, what could you do? I have never taken revenge myself, just imagined it.... then moved on

SolitudeAtAltitude · 20/05/2019 16:21

karma is a fairytale, a modern fairytale.

Karma does not exist. Just think about all the injustices in the world.

Sadly

Meangirls36 · 20/05/2019 16:22

Send him a box of dildos at work and make a profile for Grindr for him

Original poster
ilovemycatmorethanyou · 20/05/2019 16:25

We now live in cities at different ends of the country, thankfully! I only know the city he works/lives. I’m afraid I no longer believe in karma but it’s a nice thought that he’ll have had or will have a shit life because Of what he did.

OP posts:
NorthernRunner · 20/05/2019 16:25

Oh god as much as I would want revenge also, it’s never a good idea, and it won’t leave you feeling any better, you would probably be racked with guilt.
I would block him (if you can see him on social media, he can probably see you)

Hearhere · 20/05/2019 16:52

you need to put 3 pebbles in a silk purse and leave them at a crossroads under the full moon whilst watched by a barn owl

that'll teach the fucker

AnalyseThis · 20/05/2019 16:52

Don't do it. It's a waste of your time and energy, and won't bring back the money.

Try and divert the thirst for revenge into something positive for yourself, new training, new job, new hobby etc.. (maybe something where you could earn some extra cash?)

I once counted up roughly what my ex had cost me financially. It was a shocker but I came to accept it as a very expensive education.

oldmum22 · 20/05/2019 16:53

Block him . The slate should be wiped clean by you.

He wont have a conscience and as someone said, don't give him headspace .