Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be annoyed with other mum - sports activity

49 replies

peppersneezes000 · 20/05/2019 12:40

My child is in a competitive sport & dedicates many hours a week to it. She is very friendly with one of her team mates & they also compete against each other individually.
After every competition I always congratulate the other little girl & tell the other mum her dd performed very well. However she never has a kind word to say about my child's performance or would never say well done to her.
I find this quite annoying as we would meet for coffee etc. She always seems to want to know what my child is up to regarding training..
Aibu to get upset about it. I don't need her validation to know my child is good. It's just frustrating that I always go out of my way to congratulate them...

OP posts:
Skyejuly · 20/05/2019 12:43

I wouldnt be stressed over this personally.

Summerorjustmaybe · 20/05/2019 12:45

She sounds a bit envious... Be vague about your dd - she isn't genuinely interested..

Hollowvictory · 20/05/2019 12:47

Don't meet for coffee.

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 20/05/2019 12:47

Thanks & I know I shouldn't be but it's after every competition! Especially if my daughter finishes ahead of hers. A kind word goes along way... Not sure my dd notices or cares but she makes a point of always saying how well others performed... I probably am being unreasonableBlush

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 20/05/2019 12:49

Yanbu but distance yourself from her. Is it gymnastics?

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 20/05/2019 12:50

Hollowvictory, how did you guess? Yes it's gymnasticsSmile

OP posts:
LL83 · 20/05/2019 12:51

Yanbu. Keep doing the right thing and congratulating her dd. But I wouldn't consider her a friend or have coffee with her.

simplekindoflife · 20/05/2019 12:52

She does sound a bit thoughtless and mean-spirited. So I think you have two choices, stop congratulating the other child, or prompt the muminto saying something like:

Oh xx, you did so well today, didn't she Mum? My dd was great too, don't you think? (Whisper to Mum with genuine smile and a wink, it's good to give them a bit of praise, isn't it.)

Antigon · 20/05/2019 12:57

You're not being unreasonable, OP. Do you actually want to meet this woman for coffee? I'd find nicer people to spend time with, she sounds jealous.

I would stop the compliments.

Cottonwoolmouth · 20/05/2019 12:57

Your showing great sportsmanship, she can’t bring herself to do it.

Keep modelling that to your dd maybe turn it down a notch and stop the coffees.

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 20/05/2019 12:57

Thanks, I will try and avoid now. It seems like she begrudges my daughter anything. If her daughter doesn't do as well as expected she complains she feels her dd was "robbed" & always has an excuse for her "underperformance". Unlike the rest of the mum's who would simply put it down to an off day & move on..

OP posts:
billy1966 · 20/05/2019 12:59

Kill the coffee and chat, she's not a friend. Maintain the kind words of encouragement to the child.

BobLemon · 20/05/2019 13:02

I’ve got v sporty step kids. I (and my OH) can be a bit... oblivious. A parent will come up and say how well SDD or SDS has done, and I’ll just be like “thanks” . I’m worried that sometimes I do a physical jerk when my brain eventually yells at me “SAY SOMETHING NICE BACK”.
We’re just not the sort of people to seek out another kid/parent to give praise. If we’re chatting naturally to a kid/parent, we’re pretty likely to make a comment about how they just did in what we’ve been watching, but we’re not natural “cheerleaders”. And actually, we might talk about other kids and how they’ve done, rather than child-of-parent Blush. Doesn’t mean we don’t think the kid is awesome/good skills/tried hard, or that we’re jealous.

MrsMozartMkII · 20/05/2019 13:04

Maybe she sees your DD as the serious competition to hers.

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 20/05/2019 13:05

Boblemon I get that but this is different iykwim....

OP posts:
FudgeBrownie2019 · 20/05/2019 13:06

It seems like she begrudges my daughter anything. If her daughter doesn't do as well as expected she complains she feels her dd was "robbed"

Then you need to pity her. Imagine a life where someone else's glow dims your light? Imagine being so pathetic that another child's success makes you feel less thrilled about your own child.

She's a knob and you should distance yourself because she's a joy sponge.

EggAndButter · 20/05/2019 13:10

The mum is over competitive herself....

Notabedofroses · 20/05/2019 13:11

Your dd is better than her child, and she doesn't like it. Very competitive mothers turn very nasty indeed when faced with children that are better than hers. NOTHING good can come from this, nothing.

I have been there with this, same sport it sounds like.

The next step will be to undermine your dd, or the while celebrating her dd. Sabotaging your child's confidence slowly by stealth.

Distance yourself quickly, protect your dd from her and the other child, and don't meet for any more coffees. She is no friend of yours op.
Pull her up immediately if she is negative about your child. I wish I had done this. I took the polite route, and it was a mistake.

NCforthis2019 · 20/05/2019 13:13

Are you even friends outside of the gym circuit? If not - why are you having coffee? She’s just trying to see what your child is up to by way of you. Ditch her unless your friends. And if you are - ask her why she doesn’t seem bothered about complimenting your daughter

Notabedofroses · 20/05/2019 13:13

I wouldn't comment on her child's performance at all, say as little as possible. You are inviting her to judge by doing this as well. Say absolutely nothing unless you have to apart from civil greetings to her and her child.

Hollowvictory · 20/05/2019 13:15

My dd did gymnastics and I have seen this type of behaviour unfortunately.

bpirockin · 20/05/2019 13:35

I agree with Cottonwoolmouth be the better role model, and cut right back on the shared coffees. You can praise her daughter directly without also going via the Mum. She's probably only asking about your daughter's training to check hers is not missing out on anything that might help her performance.

Beautiful3 · 20/05/2019 13:37

You don't need to give compliments to other people's children. Just stop. Focus on your own child. By all means say hi/bye but keep it at that. No more coffee dates.

Yabbers · 20/05/2019 13:38

I get that but this is different iykwim....
Only because you perceive it that way.

People are always saying how amazing DD is, that’ she’s a star. I rarely reciprocate, just because I’m a bit socially awkward that way and it’s all wrapped up with her disability.

Unless you ask her why she does this, you can’t know that it is anything different, may well be just the way she is.

Norma27 · 20/05/2019 14:07

I knew straight away this was gymnastics! Unfortunately lots of gym parents are like this. My eldest has left her club now and this partly the reason I don’t take my youngest. It really does suck the fun out of it.
Reminds me of the programme ‘dance mums’!