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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be annoyed with other mum - sports activity

49 replies

peppersneezes000 · 20/05/2019 12:40

My child is in a competitive sport & dedicates many hours a week to it. She is very friendly with one of her team mates & they also compete against each other individually.
After every competition I always congratulate the other little girl & tell the other mum her dd performed very well. However she never has a kind word to say about my child's performance or would never say well done to her.
I find this quite annoying as we would meet for coffee etc. She always seems to want to know what my child is up to regarding training..
Aibu to get upset about it. I don't need her validation to know my child is good. It's just frustrating that I always go out of my way to congratulate them...

OP posts:
Sagradafamiliar · 20/05/2019 14:14

You shouldn't give compliments in expectation of returned compliments. If yours are genuine then continue with them or just be like she is and concentrate on your own daughter.
Parents can be competitive but I wouldn't go looking for needless problems.

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 20/05/2019 14:38

I know I shouldn't dwell on it but it just irritates meBlushour little girls are great friends & it's nice to be nice...

OP posts:
Twooter · 20/05/2019 14:43

Does her dad usually beat yours? Because she may feel patronising congratulating her in those circumstances

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 20/05/2019 14:47

No it could go either way with them. Sometimes her dd finishes ahead of mine & vice versa.

OP posts:
Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 20/05/2019 16:32

..

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 20/05/2019 16:40

I wouldn't get upset about it: she's not a friend and it sounds as though she only has coffee with you to try and get some helpful information out of you. Be pleasant but more distant: stop complimenting her DD - save the praise for your own DD.

NoSauce · 20/05/2019 16:51

I wonder if this was reversed you’d be so free with your praise OP? She might think you’re being a bit smug as your DD seems to do better than hers?

Don’t sweat it. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t praise your DD, I’m sure you do?

NameChangeNugget · 20/05/2019 16:54

YANBU.

Some parents are pathetic and have to live their dreams through their children as they were obviously not up to scratch themselves.

Keep up the good work and kill them with kindness Smile

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 20/05/2019 17:18

I think what happened was that my DD advanced to the team quite quickly & she befriend me. Then as my DD progressed she got a bit more bitter. I'm not competitive & had no problem sharing what new skills dd was learning or nervous about etc .. looking back now I realize I was a bit gullible 😣

OP posts:
Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 20/05/2019 20:10

Reading through the comments again & just want to say thank you for the kind words. It's a rarity on aibuWink

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 20/05/2019 20:23

We have a similar situation (completely different sport) except dd is objectively quite a bit better. Unfortunately our “competitive parent” has now trained as a coach.

Oh look - his dd has been put in the higher group and dd has been put in the lower group for training again.

10 minutes later....

His poor dd is crying because she can’t keep up with the higher group.

Again.

I get it. His dd was the best by far for the age group until dd swooped in and started beating her. But it is a male dominated sport and we need more girls. And both girls will be far more likely to stick at it if they are allowed to enjoy training together. Because they get on brilliantly and love to train together.

kungfupannda · 20/05/2019 20:43

My kids do gym and it does seem to attract competitive parents. There used to be one mum who would regularly tell me, in front of the kids, how she'd analysed the scores and really her child should have beaten mine, and it was only because of [insert random reason] that they hadn't. If her child won however,, it was obviously justified and deserved and due to all their hard work and talent.

If it's any consolation, now that my kids are older and starting to compete at a higher level, most of the remaining parents are a lot more relaxed. It might just be because you just can't maintain that level of investment for more than a year or two without turning into a stressy mess!

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 20/05/2019 22:36

Gymnastics has a reputation of attracting "dance mom" types. The other parents are totally normal. It seems to just be my child that this woman has taken to snubbing. She likes to highlight the top performers or who was robbed when we meet or have a chat after a comp. My daughter never features & she would never wish her good luck or say we'll done..
Kung Fu panda said mom is always the same, always excuses as to why her daughter was hard done by or "in her opinion she was robbed" etc
If my daughter won she would never say good job, well deserved. She says nothing. NadaConfused

OP posts:
Witchend · 20/05/2019 22:55

After every competition I always congratulate the other little girl & tell the other mum her dd performed very well

I suspect she feels you are patronising. If she's done well, then yes, tell her, but if you always say she performed very well, even when she clearly didn't, it becomes meaningless.
I say that remembering coming off the tennis court knowing I'd played badly and someone telling me I'd played brilliantly. I knew I hadn't. The score said I hadn't. All that did was mean that whenever that person said I'd played well, I didn't believe they meant it even when I knew I had played well.

Honeyroar · 20/05/2019 23:03

Next time you congratulate her daughter add "and X (your daughter) did really well too, didn't she friend's mum??" and look pointedly at the other mum! And if she's still peevish enough to ignore you drop her. The two girls can socialise if they want, you don't have to socialise with the cow bag mother.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 20/05/2019 23:37

I wonder if the other girl's mum thinks you're doing it to try to "psych out" the competition. I only say this as I've read one or two articles by sportspeople who say they were advised by sports psychologists to do things like wish their opponents luck before an event to "rattle" them.

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 21/05/2019 09:37

Thanks for the tips above. At the last comp I was sitting with her, our dds were on the competition floor with the coaches. She had lots of compliments about all their teammates & would say to a parent who passed by how great their child was doing.
Silence after mine performed. After my daughter's third apparatus I said to the lady I'm so happy with how the girls performing so far only one piece left to go... She just did a tight lipped smile. My daughter ended up winning, again no comment... It left me feeling really deflated as if she feels my daughter is undeserving of a win....

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aintnothinbutagstring · 21/05/2019 10:03

These things bring out the worst in parents. As if children can't do sports for fun these days, it has to be super competitive. I know one mum of all girls that is a gym and dance mum, she can be quite unbearable at times, she doesn't post anything of her kids on social media unless it's them with a medal or rosette in hand. Actually you see nothing of her youngest as it appears she is not high achieving in sports.

Honeyroar · 21/05/2019 10:45

She sounds green with jealousy. You could really ham it up. When you're sitting with her and your child wins jump up and down going "well done Lizzie, you're the best darling"". And wave a big winner flag!

(Joke!!)

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 21/05/2019 11:14

Grinnext time I'll be prepared!!

OP posts:
Damntheman · 21/05/2019 12:34

I'd start claiming my daughter didn't train at all and her performance was the result of sheer natural talent Grin

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 21/05/2019 21:10

I'll store that one up tooWink
Chatting with my hubby here & he reminded me about the time my daughter won her first all around comp. The lady said oh well x (another child on team not her daughter) would have won if she hadn't had that fall....

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 21/05/2019 23:30

You should have replied "I bet X is enjoying having someone to challenge her now. They're a great match, X and my daughter, both so talented!"

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 22/05/2019 09:19

I know 😭I'm not good at comebacks, I think I even sort of agreed with her... I'm going to have to toughen up & keep my cards close. I had no problem chatting about skills dd was working on, what was tough etc only because the other mum asked me...

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