Book is really worth buying. I just finished it.
I am personally sick of sneaking around, and constructing all sorts of situations so I can sneak off alone and smoke, and buying stupid singles from my corner shop and having to put up with smirky comments from the smug men who staff it, and generally feeling rubbish about myself. I don't want to spend years and years doing this, and those are my only choices. Either stop smoking right now, or carry on for years living this big lie. And it does absolutely nothing for me. So I'm off to have my final cigarette and throw out the rest of the pack, because I'm done.
I am not thin, I am not super satisfied in my job, I sometimes have relationship wobbles, I get angry, I fight, and I have all the typical stresses of a normal person.. nothing too dramatic, but typical life is not perfect stuff. Smoking doesn't make any single realm of my life better. On more than one occasion I've come to bed with DP and then refrained from having sex because I'm scared if he gets too close he might smell it on me. My DP who I love so much and really enjoy having sex with. Or turning down some fun thing I could go do, instead to sneakily smoke a cigarette on the sly. Ugh, it sounds so pathetic written down, but I'm trying to be honest with myself here.
I'm sick of feeling desperate and just hunting for the next cigarette opportunity. I know I could be free of it, and I'm looking forward to just smelling clean, feeling good, and not having to sneak around anymore.