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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think I must be uglier than I thought

56 replies

MummyCool19 · 20/05/2019 09:57

Why is it when I take selfies, look in a mirror, take selfies with other people etc I look so different to when someone takes a picture/using rear camera?! But everyone says I look more like the selfie etc than the picture someone has took in real life? I look awful on pictures 😩 I’m getting married in 7 weeks and I’m absolutely terrified of looking at the pictures because I feel like it doesn’t look anything like me!

Aibu to think maybe I’m kidding myself and I’m actually mega ugly?!

Anyone else find this?

OP posts:

SugarMiceInTheRain · 20/05/2019 10:01

I look shocking in just about anything other than a few carefully selected photos taken from the correct angle. I'm sure you will look lovely in your wedding photos and you can just select the best ones to use and keep! I have some shocking wedding pics (partly because we couldn't afford a professional photographer) but we only look at the nice ones

Unicornshopkeeper · 20/05/2019 10:02

I think you should worry less about being ugly and work on your personality

NoSauce · 20/05/2019 10:02

I look ok in a selfie even quite nice sometimes but when anyone else takes a photo of me I look awful. I think it’s because when we take a selfie we can adjust our head/face to a flattering angle ( lying down is a good one ) but when it’s taken by someone else we don’t do that.

I’m sure you’re going to look beautiful on your wedding day OP.

NoSauce · 20/05/2019 10:03

Unicornshopkeeper what’s that supposed to mean?

Unicornshopkeeper · 20/05/2019 10:08

Sorry I rushed (trying to get toddler to sleep) that it sounded more harsh than I intended.

I wouldn't worry, I hate myself in photos, the only ones I have ever liked have been my wedding photos.

Confusedbeetle · 20/05/2019 10:09

Please be careful of the selfie monster. It is not real life. When you look in a mirror you slightly arrange your face too. I am not of the selfie generation and I hate them as everyone looks so unnatural and posed. The very best photos look natural.A good wedding photographer will capture your happiness which is the whole point. None of us truly know what we look like because we can't see ourselves moving talking being. You have found someone who wants to spend the rest of his/her life with you which is so much more important than what your wedding photos look like. I imagine you feel insecure or are very young. You are barking up the wrong tree and should stop taking selfies. Be happy and have a lovely marriage. If you were the most beautiful person in the world your looks will fade. If thats the only thing that important to you, what will you have left?

Loladisco · 20/05/2019 10:12

Part of it is that with a mirror, and with the selfie mode on my camera at least we are looking at a mirror image of our face and that's what we are used to seeing. When someone else looks at us they are not seeing a mirror image, so when a normal camera takes a photo and you look at it, you will see you in a way you're not used to.

Kind of similar to how we sound in our head to how we sound when we hear a recording.

I hate photos of myself, and avoid them where possible. I can't even stand to look at my wedding photos which makes me a bit sad. I wish I could get over it. I'm sure in a few/20 years I'll be able to look at them.

I hope you have a lovely wedding day, and don't worry about the photos. Just enjoy your day

MadamMMA · 20/05/2019 10:14

Have you hired a professional photographer?

thenightsky · 20/05/2019 10:14

I usually end deleting all photos of me. I don't know how I manage to look so ugly in them, really I don't. When DH is taking sneaky pics of me on holiday etc, I get his phone to have a look and quickly delete them.

Strangely, my wedding photos are amazing. I look fab in every single one.

sheshootssheimplores · 20/05/2019 10:16

I have the added joy of having Rosacea. So the photos I take are obviously flattering and to be honest I very very rarely take any at all. But the photos other people love to take all the bloody time are horrendous. Not only do I always have a massive double chin but lovely big red cheeks too.

LittleAndOften · 20/05/2019 10:18

I was incredibly anxious about my wedding photos because I am the opposite of photogenic. In the end I asked a keen photographer friend to come over and take some portrait pictures of me, so I could get over myself and find out my nice angles etc. It definitely helped. The other thing is, your wedding photographer will take so many hundreds of pics of you that it's easy to take out the ugly ones. Hurray for digital cameras!

FuriousVexation · 20/05/2019 10:28

I'm going back 15 years here, but my wedding photographer (who was shit BTW) gave me a full reel of stills to choose from. I think she took about 150 shots and I bought 4, 3 of which were not of me/us.

I'm constantly told "Oh you're much better than your photos" (in dating etc) which makes me paranoid that I'm shit in photos. I try to just tell myself that my personality comes out better "in person" than in 2D.

LittleAndOften · 20/05/2019 10:30

@OP of all else fails, just tell yourself that only ugly people look good in photos. Therefore us non-photogenic types must be damn hot in r/l!!

MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals1 · 20/05/2019 10:31

Don't worry OP - my wedding photos weren't great, but I love them because me and my DH are grinning from ear to ear in them.
They're a great reminder of the fantastic day we had together!

ifonly4 · 20/05/2019 10:32

I think there's a lot of us with nagativity towards how we look in photos. OP, you can't look that bad, you have a future DH who obviously finds you attractive enough to spend to next x years looking at you!

BonnesVacances · 20/05/2019 10:33

I often think it's a bad photographer that takes poor photos of you. The best ones I have of me have been taken by professionals.

RussellSprout · 20/05/2019 10:36

Some people are really photogenic, others less so.

I'm not photogenic, my looks don't translate very well on film/in 2 D but (I think!) I look better in real life.

MrsFlump · 20/05/2019 10:37

I look dreadful in selfies and if I pose with friends but my wedding photos make me look like a goddess! I think its a combination of beautiful hair and makeup and a stunning wedding dress. I bet you will be gorgeous.

HertsMum81 · 20/05/2019 10:38

IME photos bear no relation to how you actually look! I have 2 younger sisters; one is (by her own admission!) very plain IRL - no distinguishing features and she’s told, quite a “forgettable” face. However in photos she looks like a film star! Our other sister is quite frequently followed down the street by people telling her how stunning she is - big dark eyes, olive skin, glossy hair, full lips. Sickeningly beautiful! However she actually has quite a wonky face so in photos she almost always looks really awkward and not at all what you’d call pretty. Totally bizarre! Sadly I’m plain AND unphotogenic - none of our wedding photos are even on display for this reason!!

Bluntness100 · 20/05/2019 10:40

My understanding is that when a picture is taken it reverses the symmetry in your face, which gives a very slight different appearance to what you look like in real life. In addition pictures also can hide the shadows and angles in your face, giving a flatter appearance.

For some people that change is very flattering and they are therefore photogenic, for others it is unflattering and as such they are not photogenic.

You can see it not just on photos of youtself, but photos of your friends and family, if you look closely, that minor deviation that a photograph produces, they look better or worse than in real life. It's simply we focus more on photos of ourselves and our own images v that of others where we just look at them and don't concentrate as hard on it.

YouJustDoYou · 20/05/2019 10:44

I'm sure you look absolutely fine, op. I've been told by different people Im ugly, so I know for sure at least to not have photos of me taken.

Warmer · 20/05/2019 10:50

Sometimes I can get all ready, think I look fine and then when I put the camera on selfie made I look awful! I don't know how people take a good selfie but I know they use alot of filters what with the smooth skin that looks ridiculous. You have to know that on your wedding day your photos will look nice because it will be the whole image of you that's taken into account, the dress, the hair, the scenery, it will all look nice and your actually face won't be as much under scrutiny. I think that's the same for everyday life also, someone can dress nice have long flowing hair etc so their image looks nice so they will appear attractive but then they might not be as nice in the face. Don't worry, everyone worries about their wedding pics

AdoraBell · 20/05/2019 10:54

I don’t do selfies. Did once and the result was shocking.

theemmadilemma · 20/05/2019 10:55

I can look pretty good in photo's I take of myself. And I think I look ok in the mirror.

Partner took some pictures yesterday of me and I look like I have a fucking moon face. I'm not sure what happens, but it happens often. And I don't like it.

However, I had some great pictures from my wedding, go figure.

Fraxion · 20/05/2019 10:55

I've been told by different people Im ugly

That is absolutely hellish, dreadful for anyone to tell someone that .

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