AIBU to think you can't survive as a single parent without benefits?

[womanadulthumanfemale]

Unless you're on maybe £60 k p/a plus?

Maybe when they are school age but before that it isn't doable is it ... Or is it?

My income is £16,000 pa with 3DCs at school.
EX pays £25.00 pw for each child but doesn't have them 50/50 so majority is my responsibility.
I would never have been able to even leave EXDH if it hadn't been for Tax Credits so I can totally see your point OP.

I don’t think it’s that surprising that it’s difficult. If you have two young children (say, a toddler and a pre-schooler) then the childcare ratios mean that you have to to pay for at an absolute minimum 1/3+1/4 (ie more than half) of someone else’s gross minimum wage income (plus expenses) out of your net income, and you typically have to pay for it for 50 hours a week when you only earn for 37 hours a week. No amount of Government tweaking is going to make those sums add up for someone on a moderate wage if you have to pay a full market rent on a two/three bedroom property on top of that. Only benefits will make it work.

I couldn't survive when the children were younger. Got into debt paying the nursery bill and keeping afloat. Now they are coming up high school age it's getting easier, and I've almost finished paying off that nursery bill.

it isn't generally very easy to go from low 40s to 60 +

OP you posted that in response to someone who suggested that you get a higher paid job. It implies that you are on low 40s - more than many families with two parents working.

And what's the problem with needing benefits - if you need them, and you're entitled to them, that's what they're there for, so that you can cope. You might not live the life of Riley on them, but hopefully you don't go without.

it isn't doable is it ... Or is it?

You asked a question and are getting answers OP - that's how it works!

If you speak to people that way in real life then maybe look into self employment and working from home? I've heard of people making themselves a good living, less of a need to worry about childcare, and you'd be doing the folk you regularly come into contact with a decent favour!

HTH

I earn £22K and don't qualify for anything. Single mum.

Hi all,

We don't think this is in the spirit, so we're taking the thread down.

Good.

Single mum, 2 kids who are both school age. I earn decent money but live in an expensive area and feel like I never have quite enough money to get comfortably to the next pay day. Having to pay for childcare would make balancing the household budget impossible for me.

Newadventure
I like your attutude

Op you're a misery!

I think it does depend entirely on personal circumstances, like any family really. I am on a little over min wage and get some tax credits. The tax credits (I'm not counting child benefit) are the equivalent of another shift at work a week, or around what the absent parent should pay.
Now, I'm sure I'm going to get told I should do the extra shift and not claim, however I've not yet worked out how to bend time, or live without sleep. I need time to actually parent my child, attend things at school, do housework, wash clothes, dentist appointments, generally all the routine things that any parent needs to do for/with their child. And that's the issue with single parent families I think, I still get shit off school if I'm not available for certain things and asked if I take education seriously, and yes I do. I also take paying all the bills seriously, and sometimes I want to scream that there's only one of me, and I can't split myself in half! Someone has to wait, I prioritise as I go most of the time. DDs father hasn't ever paid a penny and his reasons were 'all the money you get off the government' totally ignoring the fact that HE is the responsible one, not the fucking government. And he's just pulled stunt after stunt so the CSA just binned the case. But I'm the one villified because of these circumstances, I'm the one holding it all together and I'm the one trying to make good the decision I made. I can't and won't progress at work until I can work different hours (nights ATM) I can't work different hours because it's when childcare (family) is available for a teen who is too young to be left alone but too old for the local childcare. When I did work days and pay childcare then I claimed a lot more because there's no way I could afford it on what I earned.
There are all sorts of families that struggle and claim benefits, but unfortunately single parent families are often held up as scrounging and refusing to work enough hours to not claim benefits, and other things with very little thought given to the other person who buggered off and left their responsibility behind and faces no concequences for that.

It is hard when you're stuck in the working/benefit trap where you work and get topped up with Tax Credits but if you do overtime your Tax Credits go down so it's very hard to ever bring in any extra money.

OP is here to boast about her salary. She could be married and wanting to leave. Any excuse to stay?

Perhaps you'd be better placed to earn a higher salary if your attitude wasn't so damned atrocious. Best of luck with that OP 🙄

Wow op don't you sound bitter and nasty and rude. Don't ask questions and the have a go at posters. Yes it’s possible, no you may not have the lifestyle others have but that’s life, even those with two incomes will not be able to afford what others can. You have a choice, do something about if, ie find a better job to get you what you want, and making the necessary sacrifices others have made to do that, or accept the position you are in and get on with it, but stop taking it out on others

OP - I have no idea why you aren't earning a higher salary.
If only people were paid more for rudeness, aggression and hostility.
Does your attitude impact on your DC much?

I have a lot of sympathy with @womanadulthumanfemale's perspective. I'm a widowed parent on 80k so consider myself very very lucky that we can manage and live well. I have no clue how I'd pay childcare and bills on a salary of 30 or 40k, given childcare is 1000 a month.

I'm in awe of single parents managing on those salaries or less. What ppl often don't realise is that as single parent your childcare bill is massive as there's only you to cover both ends of the working day, all holidays etc.

I'm bloody lucky and I think OP has a point

@badgerread

IiI'm in the SE, earn £38.5k plus child benefit. Mortgage, work full time, DS14 and DS9, pay £400 after school club/school fees. Constantly in my overdraft and have a loan and two credit cards. Did get £463 maintenance per month until ExDH sadly passed away recently.

He was presumably in employment on a half way decent salary at least, did he not have any life insurance at all? Through work or privately? And his will - was there nothing to cover this scenario?

I only ask because part of financial agreement with my ex was that we each have life Insurance and the other is named as one of the recipients.

What ppl often don't realise is that as single parent your childcare bill is massive as there's only you to cover both ends of the working day, all holidays etc.

I’m a single parent. The government covers 85% of my childcare costs. I’m part time on £24k (£40k full time). So childcare costs are often not significant at all for low and middle income single parents

I could manage on around £25K take home.

I actually earn £13K so need tax credits. On that I’m supporting two children so get tax credits for them plus a young adult whose working but not yet giving me keep. I’m training etc so I can earn £25K take home before tax credits do stop!

I get no help from ex.

I agree with OP too.
I don’t get any benefits (inc child support), no child maintenance from the other parent, mortgage and I work shifts ... but I’m extremely lucky I have a v well paid job... otherwise it would be extremely difficult/impossible

I suppose it's a case of having to survive - people do choose to have kids, sometimes the reason is single is completely beyond their control (widowed) sometimes there's been domestic violence but other than that it's a case of choose your coparent wisely! The expensive bit is until 3 years old, then it gets cheaper and most people do remain with the father (or mother) of their kids for 3 years surely?

The government covers 85% of my childcare costs. I’m part time on £24k (£40k full time). So childcare costs are often not significant at all for low and middle income single parents

Depends on how much the full cost is and your income, surely? If you’re paying £50 per day, per child for 3 children it’s very different to £6 a night for after school club for one child. And if you’re on minimum wage, 0 hour contract it’s different to a salaried position of £25k. You’re dismissing the very real difficulties that some single parents (and indeed, married parents) face.

Thought this was coming down?

In reality, single parent's salary does not make a lot of difference when it comes to net disposable income. A single mother on 80K paying full childcare fees and private rent is financially roughly in the same position as a single mother on 15K + welfare with full childcare fees met by the government and social housing.