Ending a Friendship

[offtowindycastle]

Name changed but am a regular poster.

I have a friend (A) who I've been mates with for about 6 years- our kids went to school together but aren't friends and it's a close friendship; I had a key role in her wedding last year, we see each other regularly etc.

Last year she fell pregnant by a married man who promptly left his wife and son who is now 5. It transpired the marriage had been unhappy and they divorced quickly so I got over my self-righteousness and figured it was just an unconventional start to their otherwise seemingly happy relationship.

They married last September and she's pregnant again. Since then she has turned into an evil stepmother. Her husband gets paid overtime in cash which is declared and she still complains constantly about the money they pay towards maintenance a pitiful £45 a week. She makes every effort to sabotage her now husband's relationship with his son and contact is now down to once a month. She's erased any sign that the son even exists whilst her son (from a previous relationship) has started to call new husband 'Dad'.

I'm really struggling to maintain a friendship with her after having seen and heard her be so cruel to a child. DH says it's none of my business and shouldn't affect our friendship but when she says things to me like "I'll make him miserable this weekend so he doesn't want to come next time" I just want to take him back to his mum. I challenge her every time and she just laughs and says she doesn't care if she sounds like a bitch she does. This weekend she is gleeful because he's not well so she, and therefore her husband, won't have to see the son until the end of June. Her husband used to push back but she'd kick up such a fuss he just goes with it now.

Others in our friend group seem to have some sympathy for her but I have absolutely none and I can't bite my tongue anymore so considering just cutting contact. I'm not the unreasonable one here am I!?

She sounds awful! This makes me so sad for his DS. I have a DSD and could never imagine having this attitude in a million years. Ditch the bitch.

No she sounds horrific. What nice person would do that to a child?

No she sounds horrific, well done for calling her out. Before you completely cut her off though is there anything you can do to help this boy - can you speak to his dad and tell him to grow a pair? Message the mum?
This is abusive behaviour and is likely to have long term serious damage for the boy :(

I feel so sorry for the poor child. Your friend is a horrible person. Truly. Ditch her.

I suspect hormones are playing a large part of it, not suggesting that her behaviour is right of course, it's not, quite frankly it's disgusting.

I do however wonder if she is wanting his DS out of the picture to then make sure that DH is no longer in contact with his ex wife. She'll be worried that hes going to leave her at the drop of a hat, with behaviour like this I wouldnt be surprised if he did.

Honestly I couldn't be friends with someone like that.

No you’re not. She is showing herself to be a really selfish and callous person. Her dh is a drip to allow it.
I would lose respect and affection for a friend in these circumstances too. Your dh says it shouldn’t affect the friendship but for me, it would.

How bizarre. It must have been hard for you too see such a drastic downturn in her personality. It could be worth talking to her. She might be unaware of how awful she's being. It's also a good idea to let the child's parents know so they can protect this poor boy from her.

That’s a good point pheasant actually. It’s certainly a theory. She knows her dh is a cheat because he cheated with her. Shaky foundations indeed.

Or maybe she’s just a selfish cunt that seeks to erase this little boy so she can have her prize all to herself.

Ugh.

I'd have to speak to the mum and/or dad to tell them what's going on. Maybe some sort of normal father/son relationship can still be salvaged.

Your friend sounds really horrible. I would be so peed off listening to her. Definitely ditch her

I agree with Itwent. Give the other adults an explicit heads up about her stated intentions. How they act.on it is up to them, but at least you will have tried for the poor little boy's sake. Also, I am shocked by your DH's comment-of course discovering that someone is selfish and nasty makes a difference to whether you want to be their friend.

Last year she fell pregnant by a married man who promptly left his wife and son who is now 5. It transpired the marriage had been unhappy and they divorced quickly so I got over my self-righteousness and figured it was just an unconventional start to their otherwise seemingly happy relationship.

Last year she

Got pregnant
He left his wife and seemingly divorced in weeks
He and your friend got married
She had the baby and has fallen pregnant again.

Bloody hell, does time work differently where you are? Things don’t half move quickly, don’t they? I hope that little boy’s mother has the sense to remove him far away from this nonsense. Imagine starting the year in a stable family, and ending it with a evil stepmother, a new sibling and another on the way.

Does her child see their Father, I would be asking her how she would feel if another woman treated their child like that.

Her new DH seems spineless, having an affair to leave an unhappy marriage and prepared to roll over and let his son be mistreated - it won't last. He'll meet someone else and then it will be all 'she wouldn't let me see my son' pathetic.

I don't think I could be friends with people like that. Ignore your DH but contact the mother and give her the heads up on what she is saying.

Oh God how have you lasted this long. Next time she says something like that I'd stand up and tell her what goes around, comes around. Dont contact me as you have turned into an utterly horrible person - then walk out.

The fact she has older kids too - words escape me

Jesus Christ, she is a sadist. How awful to want to make his abandoned son miserable. And what woman in their right mind would want to be with a man who was willing to turn his back on his child?!

I think ending the friendship is completely appropriate (and tell her why). In addition, I think you should call the NSPCC to discuss her behaviour and protect this child from her abuse.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!

He is 5 years old! She has got some SERIOUS issues!
I would confront her in front of her DH about everything she has said about that poor little child.
How would she feel if her DH went and cheated on her? Then her children then had a evil step mum to deal with?
Sorry OP she is one sick individual pregnant or not/hormonal no excuse what so ever!
I would too also contact the child's mother and tell her everything, the child may need therapy cause of the sick bitch! He's only 5 years old my heart breaks for the little boy 😔

That poor little boy. Yes, completely agree, I would not want to be friends with someone like that. However; I would not just slip away silently - she needs to be told in no uncertain terms that what she is doing is deplorable. I would not miss and hit the wall.

Get her told, OP. And the new husband. He needs to grow a pair and this could be just the shake he needs.

Good luck x

She sounds horrible.
I would have ditched her when I knew she was having an affair with a married father of one.
That poor wee boy.

Totally agree to report this. That poor boy.

There is no excuse at all for what she's doing. No excuse. I'd be tempted to let her have it in full, including that you've reported her, before I did my exit. But then I can be stupid when I'm very upset.

Unhappy marriage - pah! It was just a grubby affair like any other, probably.

What happened to your friend’s 6yo marriage? Did she leave her husband? It’s all happened very quickly.

What she is doing, is child abuse. It is emotional in nature and she is alienating her husband from his child. She is a disgusting piece of work and her husband is weak willed and pathetic. If I were you I would contact the nspcc for advice.

I don't think you need to bite your tongue when it comes to the welfare of a child. Lots of people have really lovely relationships with their stepchildren, I think the first wife has dodged a bullet there if this man allows his new wife to push him around with regards to contact with his 5 hear old son. I don't understand how others in your friend group can have any sympathy with her, do they really condone cruelty to a child? The little boys mother needs to know how this woman talks about her child, I would want to know. I don't think you can ignore it, it will prey on your mind, you are obviously very compassionate. You say the little boy is unwell this weekend so can't visit them, it makes one wonder whether he is already (at 5 years old!) making excuses not to visit an abusive household, poor little boy.

I could not remain friends with someone so cruel and conniving. Is there any way you can have a word with the child’s mother? She needs to know just how awful the situation is.

You need to speak to the dad/dh. Is he aware of what his wife is deliberately doing to his relationship with his ds?

Have you ever asked her how she would feel if anyone spoke about her child or treated her child like she treats dss?

I once worked with two step mums and they were no where near as ad as your friend but I called them both out on certain things and at one time I said I hopped if my DH and I ever split up he didn't end up with women who spoke about my children like they do.

I don't know if it was what I said but one of them seems to have a great relationship with her dss now and there was a marked difference to how she spoke about him after that.