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AIBU?

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Original poster

So I'm an arsehole!

41 replies

classedasarsehole · 18/05/2019 16:39

DP walked out of a meeting, we both volunteer for group and it was AGM, DP anxiety is very heightened, walked out told me to fuck off, launched paperwork, and left stomping off,
DP feels I should of gone after him, but meeting was about to start being a committee member I had a responsibility to read report out and so on, DP has decided I should of gone after him and calmed him down, and reassured him, but I never I felt embarrassed and upset. Then when meeting was over had few texts, and if DP stayed I would of driven him home, and come back for socialising component, and he is saying that I could of come home to check on him and find out he was ok, as I would of done that anyway as should of brought him home. Instead I stayed and went straight to meal, didn't call him or anything, just sent quick message to say I pop home quickly after meal before I start shift at work,
So got to DP and he now saying I'm unsupportive and should of checked on him ASAP such as after meeting coming to his or calling, I felt awful upset embarrassed and was trying to socialise as I hardly ever do, self employed 60/7 hours, then part time work on top. DP saying he just wants me to apologise or try to understand, I don't think I done anything wrong. I did go and see him after whole event, AGM meal then straight to his after he decided he couldn't cope and should of called or made more of effort to go see him or call him! DP hasn't been this bad or ever done something like this for a while, was completely shocked?

aibu To of waited until after meeting then on to meal so 3.5 hours after he walked out to see him?

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 18/05/2019 16:42

If he had just left in a distressed state, I would have gone after him. His throwing papers and swearing at you then expecting you to chase after him and berating you when you didn't, this all sounds like inexcusable abuse.

Gingernaut · 18/05/2019 16:43

YWNBU.

He threw a strop, not an epileptic fit.

sackrifice · 18/05/2019 16:44

He told you to fuck off.

Why are you in a relationship with someone who does this?

thethoughtfox · 18/05/2019 16:44

If his temper was caused by a moment of anxiety and severe distress, he would have apologised profusely (still wouldn't be an acceptable way to treat someone) Did he swear at anyone else? Just you?

Gingernaut · 18/05/2019 16:44

Sorry, posted too soon.

You work 60/7 a week self employed, work a part time job and volunteer!!!

When do you sleep? 😱

MissMary0fSweden · 18/05/2019 16:44

Well he sounds like an absolute wanker.

mbosnz · 18/05/2019 16:45

He told you to fuck off. You fucked off. You did exactly what he told you to do. So now he can fuck off.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 18/05/2019 16:48

DP has decided I should of gone after him and calmed him down, and reassured him

Your DP needs to stop expecting other people to manage his behaviours because it's not the way a fully functioning adult acts. He's in control of his behaviour just as all adults are; he chose to behave like an arsehole.

Does he always try to guilt you into changing your actions to suit his mood? If so, he's a wanker.

GardenFullofWeedsandKids · 18/05/2019 16:48

Please don't accept this type of behaviour just because he has anxiety. It's not an excuse to mistreat you. If he's blaming it on that, tell him to get help for it or you will not be together much longer. Nothing is going to change here unless you stop pandering to him, feeling guilt about his reactions and spending time overanalysing his behaviours. He needs to realise he is the one with the issue and not you.

Justbreathing · 18/05/2019 16:49

He humiliated you
If I was in that meeting I would be feeling very sorry for you
Sad for you and worried about you. I would think your husband is a twat.

He’s elicited that response in others. I would never forgive him

WhoWants2Know · 18/05/2019 16:49

I wouldn't be spending my time chasing after someone who tells me to fuck off to see if they are ok. Not 3 hours later and probably not at all.

MajesticWhine · 18/05/2019 16:49

What awful behaviour from him. Anxiety or not, that is embarrassing. Does he usually do stuff like that? YWNBU.

mbosnz · 18/05/2019 16:50

He's a bloody great drama llama, is what he is, with a very bad case of 1-2-3 it's all about me. I would suggest you do what should be done with tanty throwers - ignore him.

NameChangeNugget · 18/05/2019 16:50

You are 100% in the right.

Don’t pander to him, he was being a prick.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/05/2019 17:01

Did other people witness him treating you like that? I wouldn't ever forgive that, never mind his pathetic behaviour.

Original poster
classedasarsehole · 18/05/2019 17:01

He never done this before!
He got paranoid?
And freaked out and left I did offer cab fare! Chair leader was like don't worry but maybe I should of gone before meal as was going to drop him home anyway!

OP posts:
Justbreathing · 18/05/2019 17:03

I can’t understand why he hasn’t apologisers profusely for humiliating you

Original poster
classedasarsehole · 18/05/2019 17:05

DP just said going home can you take me, said no as meeting going to start he then threw papers and said ok fuck off. Whether it was to me perhaps just whatever!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 18/05/2019 17:05

Blimey what a man child. What does he think you are, his mum?

Honestly I'd be telling him to grow the fuck up.

Original poster
classedasarsehole · 18/05/2019 17:06

From a friend who also ill, said he should of gone home just left without any issue and called taxi! And gave me text saying he gone home?

Friend reckon should of called after meeting!

OP posts:
Justbreathing · 18/05/2019 17:09

Yes it was to you.
He could have said “classe” can I have a word in the corner. I’m really having an anxiety attack. I really need to leave. I don’t think I can manage on my own. I know this is important, but I really need your support.

But he didn’t. So he got the response he deserved.
He is just sulking now.

I would just fucking ignore him

DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 18/05/2019 17:13

Sounds like he's attention seeking, childish, demanding, controlling etc. Wants you to do what he wants and is not willing to take responsibility for controlling himself/calming down, he wants you to do that.

Yes, if you both want to be in a relationship, you need to support each other, but not necessarily at the expense of other people/things/you and not after he spoke to you like he did. Was he supporting you when he told you to F off? No. If either of you owe the other an apology I reckon it is him for speaking to you like that and his attitude/demands towards you.

If my dh ever spoke to me like that or behaved that way I'd be seriously considering if he'd be around long enough to repeat the behaviour, do you want your 'd'p to have the opportunity to treat you like that again? You deserve to be treated with more respect and not have someone trying to dictate to you how you should act with them. YANBU.

Chickychoccyegg · 18/05/2019 17:14

He sounds like hard work, I'd be reconsidering the relationship

JaneEyre07 · 18/05/2019 17:14

Anxiety does not entitle you to behave like an arse towards your partner, full stop.

Tell him you'll talk to him when he stops acting like a toddler and has apologised to everyone at the group. How embarrassing for you Hmm

INeedAFlerken · 18/05/2019 17:15

Your DH is using his anxiety as an excuse to behave badly, treat you badly, and berate you for his choices. That is just not on.

Your responsibilities don't disappear just because he decides he can't cope and must leave. He's a grown up, not a child. You're his wife, not his mother. And he needs to take responsibility for his own choices, no matter how anxious he is.

He told you to fuck off. You did. He had ways of getting himself home or waiting in a quiet corner somewhere if he didn't want to do that.

He is the arsehole, not you.

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