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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how did you know you wanted DC

41 replies

goingonabearhunt1 · 17/05/2019 14:13

I have been wondering this lately...

I have never wanted DC and when I was younger people would always say 'oh you'll change your mind when you're older' or just kind of dismiss the idea that not having children was even a possibility.
I kept my mind open to the possibility that they were right and I'd come round to the idea but I never have.

People talk about being 'broody' and so on as well so I am just wondering whether this is a drive that other women have and I don't. It got me wondering how people even make the decision or did they always just 'know' somehow?

Just to note, I am not trying to offend anybody and I don't hate kids, just interested in others' thoughts.

OP posts:

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 17/05/2019 14:14

Just always knew I wanted them.

devilchild · 17/05/2019 14:15

Me and DH have been together for a long time. And we knew we wanted DC from the get go but wanted to wait until we were more financially stable before trying.
We were absolutely over the moon to find out we were expecting and everything fell in to place. Our DD is now 1. Were 24 and 25

PregnantSea · 17/05/2019 14:18

I thought I never wanted them and then one day I just changed my mind. Glad that I did. It wasn't so much feeling broody or getting the "urge" - more that I imagined my future/rest of my life both with and without children and realised that I much preferred the with children option. The without children option seemed as if it would eventually become unfulfilling and empty.

Not trying to offend anyone with what I've said, just giving my personal opinion in answer to your question- I'm sure there are plenty of people around who wouldn't feel this way and they are entitled to their views as much as I am.

Hiddenaspie1973 · 17/05/2019 14:20

Never broody.

SallyWD · 17/05/2019 14:24

For me I've always known. As a child I was obsessed with looking after baby dolls. I've always been described as maternal (even as a teenager). I was often told off for mothering my friends! I had such a strong urge to have children. It's really hard to explain. When I finally got pregnant at 35 I felt depressed during pregnancy, I don't know why. Probably just hormones. Then I was pretty miserable and exhausted the first year! I always found this strange given how maternal I was. Anyway, now they're a bit older I love it.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/05/2019 14:25

I always thought of my future with children- I thought the time is right and had my first. I would say Im actually broodier since having my DD.

tisonlymeagain · 17/05/2019 14:26

Was never broody when I had my first two but I was only in my 20s. Always knew I wanted kids and it felt the right time with my partner but I wasn't overly fussed at the time. If it hadn't have happened for a while I would have been okay with it.

Now TTC again with a new partner, and extremely broody! I'm not feeling hopeful as older but can't wait to have a baby with him.

redwoodmazza · 17/05/2019 14:27

I always assumed I would have a child, some day. But didn't get married till I was 35. I actually preferred animals to children TBH.

In the end, we just decided to see what would happen.
DS born 2 years later.

Don't know whether we would have gone down the IVF route if he hadn't come along. Probably not. Would have got a golden retriever instead! LOL

Lavellan · 17/05/2019 14:31

So i'm not one of those women who is super into babies!!. They're cute enough, I don't get annoyed by other peoples, I guess I'm just neutral about them.

But I started to think about it when I was approaching 30, as you do, and I had a moment where I was driving my car and I could imagine so clearly this young child sitting next to me, dressed in their colourful leggings and excited about where we were going, that I started crying while driving. About a child that didn't exist. I felt like that was my sign.

laburnumtree · 17/05/2019 14:33

I just always knew. As a child I wasn't interested in dolls I just wanted a real baby, I pestered my dm for a sibling and when my much younger dbro came along then I helped my dm look after him as I did with any visiting babies/small children.

When I had my first dc I felt complete in a way I hadn't done before. I've got 2 dc now, I prob won't have any more but to me my life would feel very empty if I hadn't had them so I feel very lucky that I have them.

Aimily · 17/05/2019 14:36

I've never not wanted them if that makes sense?

outvoid · 17/05/2019 14:36

Wanted them from a young age, always said I’d have four or six. I have four and that’s me done so got my childhood wish (plus always wanted to be a teacher so made that one happen too!)

Some people do just know it’s something they want, for others it comes in later life and for some it never happens. I have a colleague who chose not to have children and she’s perfectly ok with that decision. No one is forcing you to have children, it’s fine not to want them.

DameSylvieKrin · 17/05/2019 14:36

We could imagine good futures with and without children so realising that the decision wouldn’t matter made it possible to decide easily.
We became close friends with a couple very similar to us but ten years older and childless. We realised that, as comfortable as their life is, we wanted a change.
As hard work as it is, now that we have the children we feel that they are incredible people and that anything was worthwhile to bring them into the world. Certainly this isn’t true, but it’s a strong feeling nonetheless.
I was never broody, but am now, although we won’t have another.

Pipandmum · 17/05/2019 14:37

Having a child isn’t something you can return if you decide you made a mistake! I think you must really want one. It’s hard work and once you have one it’s for the rest of your life - not just 18 years. The worry is off the scale. And it’ll show up every crack in your relationship with your partner. Having said all that, I had two in my 40s and love them absolutely, but I can also see how my life could have been different without them.

Kernobhead · 17/05/2019 14:42

I’ve always known that I don’t want children, never had any sways of thoughts on this. My nephew and various friends children have been born recently and whilst I love them and enjoy seeing them it’s not changed my mind at all.

NCBabyBoy · 17/05/2019 14:43

I was never sure (and felt it was "wrong" to want kids as an ambitious woman). Then I met now DH and found myself sobbing to my dad that all I wanted was to have babies with now DH it took another 8 years (studying, travelling and building careers), but DS is 8 months and he is the best thing that ever happened to me. I love him more than I would ever have thought possible. He is just perfect! And now I want another one

puma84 · 17/05/2019 14:46

I hated kids then fell pregnant at 17. Loved it so had 4 more 🙈

MatchSetPoint · 17/05/2019 14:49

I always wanted children, I love kids, when I was younger and people talked about what career they wanted and how successful they would be I used to think ‘I don’t care I just want or be a Mum’.

thecatsthecats · 17/05/2019 14:49

I don't think I'll ever have a generalised liking of babies.

I'm naturally very keen on my nephew, and have a good bond with him, but other people's babies (and their clothes, however small they are) just make me go 'meh'. One of the reasons I don't ever want a baby shower - the bit where everyone one is gushing about onesie after onesie leaves me cold.

Older children is worth it for me - just not ready to give up my freedom for the baby/toddler stage.

TurquoiseAndPurple · 17/05/2019 15:20

Just always knew I wanted to be a mum. With every fibre of my being. I knew from a young age that if I didn't become a mother, it would be my greatest regret in life.

Yallnotreadyforthis · 17/05/2019 15:55

I didn't want them for years. Then suddenly I did. I think it came after my best friend from school had one.
I suddenly couldn't think about much else, and moved every obstacle out of the way so that we could start trying.

PoorRichard · 17/05/2019 15:57

I never wanted them, and I thought people who did were mad and had a weirdly limited sense of their life potential. Eventually I had one out of curiosity. He's wonderful, which is lucky, obviously.

TheGoogleMum · 17/05/2019 16:00

I think some people never do want kids and that is perfectly fine the world is overpopulated anyway! I always thought I'd have kids one day, once we were married and owned a house it seemed like there wasn't much reason to wait. I don't think I was as broody as some people but I did want a child. Now I've got one I don't think I want more though (I used to want at least 2!)

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/05/2019 16:00

When I saw what joy other people’s children were. Little did I know.

In the end I needed ivf. As time went on I became more determined.

Undies1990 · 17/05/2019 16:09

For me, I was married at 21 and we knew we'd have children one day but I never felt broody or wanted to have children straight away. We wanted to enjoy our marriage, save up and have a nice family home before getting pregnant. By the time I was 28, I STILL didn't feel broody but I started to notice pregnant people everywhere and I felt my body clock hurtling towards 30! So it was more of a timing thing than an overwhelming broody maternal urge to have children if that makes sense?

I still don't really like other people's children much and I never did feel broody but absolutely adore my two kids and think I'm a really good mum!

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