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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how did you know you wanted DC

41 replies

goingonabearhunt1 · 17/05/2019 14:13

I have been wondering this lately...

I have never wanted DC and when I was younger people would always say 'oh you'll change your mind when you're older' or just kind of dismiss the idea that not having children was even a possibility.
I kept my mind open to the possibility that they were right and I'd come round to the idea but I never have.

People talk about being 'broody' and so on as well so I am just wondering whether this is a drive that other women have and I don't. It got me wondering how people even make the decision or did they always just 'know' somehow?

Just to note, I am not trying to offend anybody and I don't hate kids, just interested in others' thoughts.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 17/05/2019 16:11

I always imagined having children and being a mother.

Broody is different, I've felt broody, that's like wanting to be pregnant or wanting a baby specifically, and it's more of a craving, like an itch that needs to be scratched or a hollowness that needs to be filled. I've never felt broody when I already have a baby, I can't remember what age it came back with DS1.

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 17/05/2019 16:14

I'm the same as you OP - expected one day that I'd change my mind...but never did.

Oysterbabe · 17/05/2019 16:15

My DH had always wanted them. I was meh but went along with it. It was the right decision The adorable little buggers have certainly won me round to the idea.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 17/05/2019 16:18

I couldn’t imagine life without them, even before I had them. I remember saying to my DH that I already adored them, even before I got pregnant 😄 it was just visceral, not a ‘knowing’.

Iwantacookie · 17/05/2019 16:28

I've always wanted a baby and to be a mom for as long as I can remember. My own dm wasn't into hugs and affection and I craved a baby so that someone would finally love me and I could love someone back.
Looking back I was selfish for having ds1 when I did but I wouldn't change him for the world.
I always wanted a big family but due to not finding the right dp and when I did he didn't want any dc of his own I'm done at 3.
It breaks me heart to say I'm done having children but I don't want to be a single mother again with a small child so unless dp changes his mind within the next couple of years I won't be able to have any more.

QueenofStella · 17/05/2019 16:29

Always known I don’t want them. Various people have trotted out the usual lines - ‘you’ll change your mind’ ‘it’s different when they’re your own’. I have nephews now who I love spending time with (I’m an expert goalie and tree-climber ) but the peace and quiet when they go home is lovely!

34 now and haven’t changed my mind, luckily DH is of a similar view. When you know, you know!

TheFrenchLieutenantsMonkey · 17/05/2019 16:29

I didn't want children, until I was 27. One day i was washing up and automatically put my hands up to hold my babies head near my shoulder. I didn't have a baby! Wasn't even thinking about it. But i could feel that little body at my shoulder, feel how its little back felt under the babygro. It was so vivid.
I had DD1 2 years later and when i used to hold her at my shoulder her body felt exactly like that weird moment.

Peakypolly · 17/05/2019 16:33

I neither wanted nor didn’t want children, just had no interest in them and so I guess the thought had never crossed my mind.
Then I met DH and on about my third date, found myself thinking “ I want a baby with this man”. The feeling really hit me like a bolt from nowhere.

HumpHumpWhale · 17/05/2019 16:35

I always pictured myself having kids, and then around 26 it kicked up a gear, and I got way more interested in babies, and then by around 29 I was so broody I almost wanted to steal strangers babies, would find myself watching them on the bus, always wanted to play with or hold friends' kids etc. Had DS at 32, DD at 35. It felt very hormonal, like an instinctual thing that suddenly kicked in. I don't think everyone experiences that, though. And I did want them before, just "someday", and then suddenly it was "right now!".

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 17/05/2019 16:41

I was never that maternal preferring animals to babies - after I got married though I started to feel like the natural progression was to start a little family - after a traumatic miscarriage at 12 weeks having a baby became an obsession

Strokethefurrywall · 17/05/2019 17:10

Biological urge dictated my desire to procreate, and now I no longer have that urge so I don't want any more.

It really was that simple with me. I had a yearning for children, and once I had them, the yearning for more has gone away.

In a fairytale land somewhere in the recesses of my brain I would have a couple more, but every time I think of it in real terms (I.e there is nothing actually stopping us having more) I have a visceral "fuck no" response which is probably exactly the same response that someone who's never wanted kids would have.

RaptorWhiskers · 17/05/2019 17:23

I never particularly wanted children, in fact they get on my nerves. But it seemed like the done thing and I had some vague feeling that I should pass on my genes to the next generation. Plus DH wanted one and I didn’t want to be a lonely 40yo divorcee while he had kids with someone else.

I still hate kids. Except my own, he’s lovely. One child is just enough to fulfil that biological imperative and prevent DH nicking off with someone else. His little friends are a pain in the arse though, I often worry he doesn’t socialise enough because I can’t stand other kids.

AnyFarrahFowler · 17/05/2019 17:31

I just had an image in my mind of what my future looked like and it had 2 children in it. It was never a question of “if” just “when” and I feel very lucky to have DS and DD.

Mummadeeze · 17/05/2019 17:38

It was a feeling of never being fulfilled really. I took on more and more ambitious projects, drank a lot, socialised almost everyday, had loads of hobbies, slept with quite a lot of men, but something always felt like it was missing. I was quite self destructive because I was striving to feel something really meaningful and couldn’t get there. It is quite hard to explain but when I had my DD it was like a massive relief and that void was filled. It was like the missing piece of my jigsaw suddenly went in. So I didn’t really know I wanted a child before I had her but I definitely knew afterwards that I did.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 17/05/2019 18:04

I always feel like I'm missing an urge aswell but for me it's that I only want one child,ds is 5.Im filled with a mixture of horror/awe when someone I know has a second or third.Ive just never had the desire to experience motherhood more than once.

Toms0909 · 17/05/2019 18:35

I've never wanted them, but it took a while to work it out on my own. Bit odd, but I was raised by a single mum who had no filter - she told me from when I was little that I should never have kids because they ruin your life - I believed it without question and it wasn't until I was in my late twenties that I realised I could choose to have them if I wanted! I have never had the urge though. I do actually like children, and I work with them. I've always been quite content to hand them back to their parents, and I've never been running around with kids in the park imagining what it would be like if they were my own. I'm nearly forty so I think it's safe to assume that my biological clock is set to silent mode!

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