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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Attractive women on TV

67 replies

Ellabella989 · 17/05/2019 13:05

I know I’m being U and ridiculous but just curious to know if other people feel the same way.
If you’re watch TV or a movie with your partner and someone stunningly beautiful/handsome with an amazing body is scantily clad/naked do you secretly feel really insecure?
I never say anything as I know I’m being silly and my partner is just sitting there watching it without passing comment.
The same thing happens if we’re on holiday and there are attractive women in bikinis.
I need to work on my self esteem as I’ve been cheated on before.

Do things like this secretly bother you or could you not care less? And if you couldn’t care less then I envy you so much

OP posts:

UnicornBrexit · 17/05/2019 13:07

Couldnt care less.

BlueMerchant · 17/05/2019 13:09

I used to care but as I've got older it doesn't bother me so much.
Real life attractive women however would bother me.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 17/05/2019 13:12

Doesn't bother me at all. DH or I (depending if the person was male or female) would usually quip 'gosh, they look a lot like me'. We have a tendency for shit running dad jokes.

To be honest, if he wanted to be with someone else I wouldn't mind. We have a good relationship but I'd be more than fine on my own.

BrewdogMillionaire · 17/05/2019 13:15

Nope doesn't bother me, since I have no doubt my husband finds me adequately attractive! I'm pretty happy looking average!

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 17/05/2019 13:17

Simply not on my radar

Oysterbabe · 17/05/2019 13:20

I used to care as a youngster but I couldn't care less these days. He wouldn't leave me, he knows I'd insist on 50/50 custody of the kids. None of this every other weekend shit.

pinkyredrose · 17/05/2019 13:20

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. You maybe should work on why you feel this way?

lubeybooby · 17/05/2019 13:23

Being cheated on is absolutely no reflection of how attractive you are or perceive yourself. Many beautiful women have been cheated on - even Cindy Crawford and Halle Berry etc

Chancewouldbeafinethlng · 17/05/2019 13:23

It used to more than it does now.
After accepting the fact I’m bi it bothers me a whole lot less.

Imstickingwiththisone · 17/05/2019 13:24

It doesn't bother me when on TV but at the beach on holiday it does. Totally on me though I'd feel inadequate if I was single too.

MephistophelesApprentice · 17/05/2019 13:25

My girlfriend and I have greatly enjoyed watching Game of Thrones and playing 'hot or not' with almost every character, male or female. As only one of us is bisexual I can only engage with the male assessment in an abstract way, but it's still been enormous fun.

No, no problems here.

NottonightJosepheen · 17/05/2019 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cookiechomper · 17/05/2019 13:31

Not really. I'm told I'm attractive myself so I try not to compare myself to others. I don't fancy actors on screen, no matter how conventionally attractive they might be.

Basilneedswaterandsun · 17/05/2019 13:34

OP is it because your DP doesn’t make you feel attractive that you feel this way?

FrothyB · 17/05/2019 13:35

The chances of them ever getting close to the person on screen that they may find attractive are so incredibly small it's not worth worrying about.

Out of respect for my partner, who I love and find beautiful, I dont pass comment about other women, as there are a couple of styles that I'm attracted to and I wouldn't want her to feel insecure because she doesn't dress or have her hair this way or that.

I do have an idea of the type of bloke she really likes however, not from her making a big point about it, just how she sometimes reacts when certain characters come on screen. I'm not those guys, not by a long shot. There aren't many Khal Drogos or Tormund Giantsbanes around. So to show I'm not insecure, I'll have a little joke with her about those people.

We've both been cheated on in the past and it's not easy to get past that paranoia of them being attracted to other people, but that's just how humans work. We can commit, but you cant stop attraction to other people, all we can do is choose not to act on it. I'd be very surprised OP if you never see men in the real world or on screen that your mind doesn't go straight into the gutter thinking about

RedDogsBeg · 17/05/2019 13:36

Couldn't care less, we are both perfectly open and at ease with being able to appreciate an attractive male or female and say so. Neither feels compared, inadequate or insecure, we've been together a long, long time our relationship is based on far more than how we look.

Original poster

Ellabella989 · 17/05/2019 13:37

@basil no he’s very attentive and complimentary to me and he knows I have bad insecurities so he never passes any comments about other women he finds attractive. I try to keep it to myself as I don’t want my ridiculous insecurities to get in the way of our relationship. I’ll just quietly sit there feeling anxious and fed up.
I was cheated on by someone I really loved a few years ago and he told me during the break up that the other woman had a much better body than me. I think that’s what spiralled me into having such low self esteem.

OP posts:

RiddleyW · 17/05/2019 13:38

I think this bothers attractive women more maybe. I am like a different species to women on TV - I know they're 100 x nicer looking than me. So in the same way I don't stress that Usain Bolt can outrun me I don't really give it much thought.

Alsohuman · 17/05/2019 13:41

I don’t give a stuff. I’m far too old for any comparison to be relevant.

MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals1 · 17/05/2019 13:42

Ah, not at all. Me and my DH have great fun passing comment on other people's bodies on TV (... I've just realised how awful that sounds...!)

Both of us are equally happy pointing out hot women and hot men (both of us are hetrosexual).

At the end of the day, physical attribute amount to nothing when you're committed to each other for life - both of our bodies are going to change for the worse in the future, but it doesn't matter - we are together for each other's personalities, not their looks.

Original poster

Ellabella989 · 17/05/2019 13:44

@myfamily I love that attitude and wish so much I could be care free like that. Maybe I need some sort of counselling to get past it but it just seems like such a pathetic issue i’d be worried the counsellor would laugh me out the building.

OP posts:

Thisnamechanger · 17/05/2019 13:46

Me and DP came straight out the cinema and rated all the Avengers in order of 'would most like to shag'.

teyem · 17/05/2019 13:53

No. I don't think it's ever entered my head.

The only thing which may or may not be similar at all, is when dh oogles houses on Rightmove and I'm like... can't you just like our house? It looks after us, takes care of us, it's not real life anyway - it's completely artificial, no one lives like that anyway...

Clearly, in this regard, I've got real issues.

HappyRoots · 17/05/2019 13:56

I'm sorry your ex was a total shite head. What a thing to say. I'm sorry he did that to you.

Telly goddesses.... nope, doesn't bother me at all, but a lot of my insecurities do seem to have vanished thankfully as I've got older (mid-40s now). I'm much happier and more accepting of myself now physically than I ever was in my 20s or early 30s (I'm also embracing mad ol' dog lady, but that's another thread...). I went out for a while with a man though who really had a "roving eye" (as my Nan would have called it). He would always be gawping at attractive women everywhere we went and that chipped away at my self-esteem a good bit at the time. My DP now is not like that at all. So if I was watching something with DP we could both be commenting on some gorgeous telly person and it would be meaningless, but with ex-twat it would have bothered me. If your partner doesn't give you any "real life" causes to feel insecure then I definitely think you're right and should work on this issue yourself maybe.

Mielabel · 17/05/2019 13:57

I'm the same, but you're braver than me for owning up.

I've never been cheated on luckily, but I was told how pretty I was growing up. Then I went through an ugly phase as a pre-teen with bad hair, bad clothes, glasses and braces. Boys were awful to me, really vile. When I started looking nicer a couple years later and wore contacts for sports, they couldn't be more sweet to me. I ended up feeling that's solely where my worth lies. So all it takes is for someone attractive to come on TV (and let's face it, plenty will) for me to feel like DP has come to a realisation that I have nothing to offer in comparison. This is when he's silently enjoying watching something and hasn't a clue. And there's nothing wrong on his part, he makes me feel like I am more than enough for him.

Obv these are feelings that come in a wave of insecurity, not actual logical thoughts that i believe. I've just been working on it for a while and managed to unpack where the issue comes from.

Everyone has issues to work on, though. Those saying they couldn't care less are lucky, but I'm sure they get bothered about things I wouldn't. I'm actually quite level-headed in most other areas. Don't beat yourself up about it, but do work on yourself, with a sense of curiosity and non-judgement. It does get better, and it's fun learning about yourself anyway.

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