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Original poster

Attractive women on TV

67 replies

Ellabella989 · 17/05/2019 13:05

I know I’m being U and ridiculous but just curious to know if other people feel the same way.
If you’re watch TV or a movie with your partner and someone stunningly beautiful/handsome with an amazing body is scantily clad/naked do you secretly feel really insecure?
I never say anything as I know I’m being silly and my partner is just sitting there watching it without passing comment.
The same thing happens if we’re on holiday and there are attractive women in bikinis.
I need to work on my self esteem as I’ve been cheated on before.

Do things like this secretly bother you or could you not care less? And if you couldn’t care less then I envy you so much

OP posts:
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 17/05/2019 13:58

No, it doesn't bother me. I'm not sure why, because I'm not generally super secure or confident, but it doesn't.

Original poster
Ellabella989 · 17/05/2019 14:01

@mielable thank you and sorry to hear you also suffer with this horrible lack of self esteem. What things do you do to work at it?
When I was on holiday last year there was a gorgeous woman strutting about topless by the pool and I felt bloody awful about myself for the rest of the holiday. I was so annoyed with myself for giving it so much head space

OP posts:
NottonightJosepheen · 17/05/2019 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Outoutout · 17/05/2019 14:07

So. A woman who you think is more attractive than you, has the the audacity to go on holiday at the same resort as you. She also has the bare faced cheek (pun intended) to show off her amazing body by wearing a barely there bikini. Not only that, but she is brazen enough to actually walk past you on the beach. The Bitch.

And somehow, your husband must be made to pay for all this. It's obviously his fault and he must be blamed for your insecurity.

Where are attractive women supposed to go on holiday?

The irony and double standards are lost on some people.

"My husband is married to me and is a pervert if he so much as looks at another attractive women. I on the other hand, as his wife, can stare at whoever I want, regardless of their innate hotness, and then blame him for making me feel bad"

No wonder men don't want to get married these days.

FuriousVexation · 17/05/2019 14:10

Up til my mid twenties I was incredibly insecure about my body and would feel bitterly envious of any woman on TV who atttracted admiring comments (not from my partners, none of whom ever put their foot in their mouths that way.) But if a woman was portrayed walking into a bar, for instance, and all the men in there turned and gawped at her, I would feel so stabby.

Nowadays I'm much more secure and exes and I have talked openly about finding other people attractive without there being any issues at all.

I've been cheated on lots btw so it's not an inevitable result of that. I do think counselling would help you - you wouldn't go in there saying "I need help to get over my hatred and envy of attractive women" - you'd be saying "I have a lot of insecurities about my body and I need help changing that."

EmeraldShamrock · 17/05/2019 14:13

It used to bother me early in the relationship, I had been cheated in many times in the past, it doesn't bother me anymore.
I am 38, a bonus to getting old is caring less. Grin

NotWithTheProgramme · 17/05/2019 14:13

Was on a beach holiday recently, in a resort that had a strangely high percentage of fake boobs, lips and bums - my DH and I had great fun with spotting these VERY obvious additions, especially the bums which we hadn’t seen many off before (outside of kardashian Kulture).

Both noted though that the Beautiful People were so much more aware of sunbed posing etc, and never looked properly relaxed. I’m a size 14 with plenty of wobbly bits and his tummy threatened to block the sun on a couple of occasions, but we were giggling and having fun all holiday - whilst there were plenty of boobs there in much better nick than mine, I wouldn’t have swapped places for all the silicone in Moscow

Mielabel · 17/05/2019 14:15

@Ellabella989 I just try to gently figure out how I feel and and try to work with that. Zen-type teachings have helped me get a good perspective on dealing with thoughts/feelings, even though I'm not Buddhist.

For me personally I need to focus on my worth coming from a wide range of things. So if someone looks great it's ok, because my worth is intact, it doesn't take away anything from me, we are multi-dimensional people can co-exist without one ever being 'better' than the other.

The women who trigger your insecurities are probably showing you what you feel you lack. See if you can find that in yourself after all.

Just try not to judge yourself as you're only human and doing so will make you less likely to process the feelings. We all have feelings we don't like.

EmeraldShamrock · 17/05/2019 20:54

OP you need to work on your self esteem, more importantly put yourself in his shoes, he must hold his breath watching a movie.
I am not judging I use to be insecure early in my relationship.
It made DP feel shit, it was silly looking back.
Take up something you really enjoy it will build your confidence.
Remember nobody's perfect, everyone has their issues and insecurities.

Loopytiles · 17/05/2019 21:00

Your ex was a dick to say that: don’t give weight to one cheating scumbag’s bullshit put down!

Actors often get roles because they’re much more attractive than average, or unconventionally attractive, have lots of charisma, or whatever. Most people in RL are much more ordinary!

I know some conventionally gorgeous women in RL, their life isn’t a bed of roses any more than the rest of us. Don’t know any v beautiful men though!

Merryoldgoat · 17/05/2019 21:04

No, not at all and I’m not at all a looker.

I quite often say something like ‘DH - look - X is in this, she’s one of your women, isn’t she? She’s got gorgeous Y’ etc and he’ll do the same.

PlinkPlink · 17/05/2019 21:20

Sometimes. But then I give myself a good talking to.

I know I used to have self esteem issues and body image issues. I still sometimes slip into those modes. I work hard to fight those negative thoughts off and remind myself, I am beautiful as I am.

Comparing myself to people who constantly have a make up team on hand for every scene/people who have been airbrushed/people who have personal trainers and dieticians to do all the thinking for them would lead me down a path to very dark thoughts.

You are completely different from those people on screen. Celebrate your unique-ness. And find surround yourself with people who do so too.

shitpark · 17/05/2019 21:28

No, they are different from me, but that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with me. I am who I am, and I'm quite content with myself.

Moralitym1n1 · 17/05/2019 21:28

No, did at the beginning of the relationship but grew up, got secure etc.

When I discovered my partner had googled Evangeline Lilly, having just watched hobbit I think, my reaction - genuinely - was amused indulgence.
His is the same to my mini actor/model crushes.

Your ex sounds like a right c*ntb- whyndied anyone need to say that to someone else (on top of cheating on them in the first place) other than to be cruel and nasty.

Also so what, his opinion is that she had a better body, another man's might not be .. men have incredibly different tastes.

Plus body/looks are far from the only thing in relationships. I frequent a male dominated, quite shallow fitness forum and they even say on there quite regularly that a woman they're seeing/have seen has everything looks wise but they can't make s relationship with with her, have no bond with her, will dump he'd when they get bored with the sec etc.

Moralitym1n1 · 17/05/2019 21:29
  • why would
Dieu · 17/05/2019 21:29

I would be exactly the same, OP.

Moralitym1n1 · 17/05/2019 21:29
  • her
  • sex
Moralitym1n1 · 17/05/2019 21:31

Given that your ex is a cheater and cruel/nasty - aren't you glad you didn't have his perfect body, you could've been stuck with a bastard like that, not knowing what he's truly like.

NCforthis2019 · 17/05/2019 21:33

nah - i couldn't care less.

kmammamalto · 17/05/2019 21:35

I know exactly what you're talking about. I get this too! And my husband never makes comments and makes me feel insanely attractive. I don't have the excuse of a shithead ex either! I'm just a worrier! Never outloud though... Blush maybe sometimes! Then he just looks at me like I've grown another head.

kmammamalto · 17/05/2019 21:38

@outout she didn't say anything about the women! Or making he partner pay for it! She is taking responsibility for it being her issue alone. What OP did you read?!

EmeraldShamrock · 18/05/2019 17:08

NottonightJosepheen Great advice.
Your DH sounds so nice.

Keely199 · 21/06/2024 18:15

Yeah i hate especially since they seem to habe flat stomachs stretch mark free not an inch of extra fat perfect hair makeup clothes whereas im completely the opposite iv got stretchmarks massive blue veins all over my legs front and back iv got a belly thats far from flat i have cellulite my boobs arent perky il never be sexy or wear a bikini i need to lose weight and get rid of the stretchmarks and veins and lift my boobs up so i can match up i don't like my partner looking st women the opposite to me it makes me feel 2nd best and that he wants me to starve myself or would leave me if he got the opportunity to have someone skinny toned and above me.

Keely199 · 22/06/2024 10:21

Outoutout · 17/05/2019 14:07

So. A woman who you think is more attractive than you, has the the audacity to go on holiday at the same resort as you. She also has the bare faced cheek (pun intended) to show off her amazing body by wearing a barely there bikini. Not only that, but she is brazen enough to actually walk past you on the beach. The Bitch.

And somehow, your husband must be made to pay for all this. It's obviously his fault and he must be blamed for your insecurity.

Where are attractive women supposed to go on holiday?

The irony and double standards are lost on some people.

"My husband is married to me and is a pervert if he so much as looks at another attractive women. I on the other hand, as his wife, can stare at whoever I want, regardless of their innate hotness, and then blame him for making me feel bad"

No wonder men don't want to get married these days.

No they don't get married because the want the freedom to drool and st women opposite to there partners while saying they love us not so flat stretch stomachs and stretch marks while drooling over women that don't its men there pigs who treat women like shit i never perv ln men in front of my partner its emotional infidelity they might as well go to the whole way and just cheat for sake of looks and body men look at what they don't have instead of what they already have.

MsLuxLisbon · 22/06/2024 10:24

No. I have a great body myself, and I don't feel threatened by other women's beauty at all.