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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to go up the pregnant woman that i saw smoking, take her cigarette away from her, stamp on it and call her a selfish cow!!

108 replies

lucyellensmum · 19/07/2007 14:05

it is plain selfish to smoke whilst pregnant, given what is known about the risk

I'm pre menstural, i DARE you to say im being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Firepile · 20/07/2007 14:48

public health...

gogetter · 20/07/2007 14:57

I'm surprised this post has caused contreversy, I thought that most wld disagree with smoking whilst caring a baby? one of my friends had her DD 5 wks early & was in SCBU for 2 weeks, doctors attributed it to her smoking whilst pregnant.

nearlythere · 20/07/2007 14:59

i think everyone agrees that it isn't ideal but everyone has their reasons- i just pointed out the excerpt from a study because it was sent to me in a midwifery newsletter looking into the incidence of smoking in pregnancy, to show that there are differing opinions even in medical proffesionals!

Firepile · 20/07/2007 15:06

NT - re your extract. I have just done a quick medical journal search to find out if there are any peer reviewed references supporting the assertion that pregnant woman who try to quit are at risk from seizures or fits. I cannot find any.

nearlythere · 20/07/2007 15:36

i've never heard of it either - it was one of the only excerpts in favour (if you like) of maternal smoking in a recent midwifery publication, it was included to show that there are other views!!

Having said that though it is a symptom of cold turkey in ANY addiction be it caffeine/ alcohol/ nicotine/ non-presc. drugs, so may well have been used in a broad spectrum manner- eg it could happen and if it were preg woman would be put at risk more than joe bloggs!

No idea- it did also point out in the article that most of the 'dangers' of smoking in pregnancy have never been scientifically proven although are widely accepted by the medical community and believed to be correct.

OrmIrian · 20/07/2007 16:48

How strange! I gave up when I was pregnant with DS#1. Wasn't told it would be bad for me.

ratfly · 20/07/2007 18:52

When I first got pregnant, I was VERY stressed at the whole pregnancy thing. I cut down from 15 a day to 2 a day. I still felt guilty, but midwife said relax and stick with 2 a day. It's better than 15 a day, and its a stressful time anyway.
So, maybe the woman the op saw was giving up / cutting down etc. I'm sure she KNOWS its bad for her fetus, but giving up isnt a pile of laughs you know... Its REALLY difficult, otherwise all us smokers would be stopped..

lissie · 20/07/2007 19:07

i gave up my 20 a day habit as soon as i got my bfp without too many probs. yes it was quite tough but i had the health of my baby as an incentive. so in answer to the the op no YANBU

MrsRonWeasley · 20/07/2007 19:12

Maybe Leati has had more of an effect than she realises!

theressomethingaboutmarie · 20/07/2007 19:18

A friend of mine was a 20 a day smoker and when she became pregnant, she went to see her doctor to discuss the implications of smoking whilst pregnant. He said to her that if she would find it stressful to give up, that it would be better for her and the baby for her to cut down. She stuck to 2 cigarettes a day whilst pregnant. She would roll her own and use one of those filter jobbies (not a smoke so not really aware of the contents, paraphernalia etc).

I love my friend dearly but it was the most awful thing to see this beautiful woman rolling her own cigarettes whilst pregnant (I think it looks awful when not pregnant too btw).

RavenclAwen · 20/07/2007 19:49

when i was pregnant with ds I didnt even know at first and so therefore continued smoking. When I found out, it was a big shock (was told I would never conceive without help). I didnt stop smoking immediately but did cut right down and then stop over a period of about 2 weeks.

I am pregnant now and I dont smoke, baby was planned, followed fertility treatment etc. I also stopped smoking years ago.

I do feel shit that I did smoke knowingly for a few weeks with ds (even tho was dramatically less). Bit I did stop.

I personally get very annoyed as well by non-pregnant people smoke around children.. for example in cars.

sazzybee · 20/07/2007 19:51

LOL @ MrsWeasley

Elasticwoman · 20/07/2007 20:01

Some people are saying it's wrong to be judgmental of pg women who smoke because you don't know what pressures they are under, and smoking is very addictive.

Are we allowed to applaud, however, those heroic women who DO give it up, despite all difficulties, because they are trying to do their best for their babies?

quint · 20/07/2007 20:07

YABU

Unless you know her circumstances.

When mum was pg with me she smoked - in fact she was advised to carry on but just cut down to the minimum as stopping would cause her too much stress and that would have been more harmful. I was her 5th baby btw and she had stopped smoking for the others and I'm the only one who arrived safely and survived so whilst I understand your sentiments and agree with you to some degree, you just never know what is going on

divastrop · 20/07/2007 20:49

i gave up smoking 20 a day when i was 6 weeks gone with ds1.i didnt intend to(didnt know what i was going to do then)but i just threw up every time i smoked.same thing happened with ds2,and dd2.but when i was expecting dd3,i had to try really hard.i never managed to quit,i just cut down to one or 2 a day,despite trying nicotine replacement,seeing a stop smoking advisor etc.dp,who has been smoking since he was 7 and had never attempted to stop before,even tried to quit in an effort to help me(he tried zyban and cut down alot but he had to stop taking it as he couldnt sleep atall).

i was suffering from AND,and had panic attacks ,and i got so distressed at the thought that i couldnt have a fag to calm me down.my mw also said that i had done well to cut down,and that stress is also bad for the baby.

i still feel bad that i didnt manage to stop,and i dont understand why it was so easy with the others.

i also hate seeing people smoke in cars/houses where there are young children or babies.i know its a bit hypocritical of me but IMO there is no excuse to smoke near a baby once you have given birth to him/her.

GrimoireThief · 20/07/2007 20:54

Elasticwoman - good god yes!! People who manage to give up smoking are amazing. Again, yes I know that some people don't find it hard but for the most part it takes a lot of willpower. Pregnant women who manage to stop are fantastic and giving their babies a great start.

Elasticwoman · 21/07/2007 14:06

It is interesting to hear from women like Divastrop, for whom giving up smoking is so difficult even in pregnancy. I hate the smell of smoke and have never even had a sneaky one behind the bikesheds, so it requires a great leap of the imagination for me to understand the hold it has over people.

EscapeFrom · 21/07/2007 14:20

It's hard. Hard hard hard.

Laying off fags was harder than giving birth, and for the firt 2 or 3 weeks I had to do it every day.

I wept like a child on day 2. I wanted them, I missed them, they really were the only constant in my life, they seemed to be the friend who nudges you and tells you to go and sit down and have a break, they were my drinking buddy, sometimes they were my only reason to get up, and I fucking grieved for those cigarettes.

I now haven't smoked for a long time. but I remember that feeling, and that was whilst using patches. It's hard.

Harder still if you are perhaps ambiguous about whether you wanted the bloody baby in the first place. Not everyone is effortlessly selfless and giving - we would do well to remember that.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 21/07/2007 14:20

Elastic woman , i agree with you entirely, it is, apparently, hard to give up smoking and those who make the effort should be applauded. Mind you, no one made them do it in the first place. My dad had a heart attack and was told it was because he smoked - he never smoked another cigarette after that, after saying he would never be able to quit. Too late! he got vascular dimentia (the same as alzheimers pretty much), was told it was because he smoked. He lived another two years, the final year being a living hell (for all of us) and was completely "gone" the person he was wasnt there anymore, to the stage he was just a living breathing "thing" who never got to see his grand daughter whom he would have adored. He got lung cancer and drowned in his own lungs. I hope you can now understand why i find smoking so offensive.

OP posts:
EscapeFrom · 21/07/2007 14:23

Unfortunatly the consequences fifty year olds have to live with are often due to the decisions taken by 14 year old children.

divastrop · 21/07/2007 17:11

how many 13 year olds think 'oh,i better not go along with the crowd and have a cigarette,as i may get hooked and then find it hard to give up if i want to have children one day'?

when i started smoking,i was never going to have children,so it was never going to be an issue

i recently lost my nan to lung cancer,and she hadn't smoked in over 30 years

EscapeFrom · 21/07/2007 17:15

Yes, when I strated I HONESTLY thought I was going to be dead by the time I was 40 anyway.

StripeyBroomstickSpottyWand · 21/07/2007 17:17

How do you know that she isn't sufferring from domestic abuse, or any other sort of awful stress and that smoking is her one crutch which is keeping her going?

I stopped smoking overnight when I found out I was pg and never restarted. However I'm aware that its not so easy for everyone.

Elasticwoman · 22/07/2007 18:57

Divastrop, when I was 13 I didn't want to develop the smoker's cough and unsexy ash-tray like smell of the older relatives I had who smoked.

sazzybee · 22/07/2007 20:30

I didn't have any older relatives who smoked